he?’
Oh yes, he was that all right, Jamie acknowledged to herself. Jake could be bitterly determined and stubborn when someone opposed him, and she could see how easily this young and rather diffident girl could be overwhelmed by him, especially if the marriage was something her parents approved of as well.
‘I don’t feel I’m mature enough to get married yet,’ she confided to Jamie. ‘I want to do something with my life, I don’t know what yet, but I know it isn’t marriage. Of course at first I was flattered when Jake showed an interest in me, but he doesn’t want me really.
‘I’m going to London Christmas shopping with Mummy next week. Could I come and see you? I don’t have anyone I can talk to, and you are Jake’s stepsister. You must know him very well.’
Well enough to know that this child wouldn’t be able to withstand Jake if he turned the full force of his will and personality against her. Her common sense told her not to get involved, that it would only lead to further heartache for her. She had no wish to hear Mandy’s girlish confidences but as she looked into the girl’s agonised blue eyes she felt herself waver, and the next second she was writing down her address and telephone number, whilst at the same time wondering what on earth she was doing.
‘YOU AND MANDY seemed to be getting on very well. What do you think of her?’
Jamie hadn’t needed to look over her shoulder to know that Jake was standing just behind her. That delicate personal radar that worked every time he came anywhere near her had already warned her.
She glanced across the room to where Mandy was talking to Beth before replying.
‘I think she’s charming,’ she said shortly at last.
‘The inference being far too charming for me, I take it.’
She could tell without looking at him that his mouth had twisted slightly just as she could hear the mocking amusement in his voice.
‘Too charming. Too innocent, and far, far too vulnerable, Jake,’ she said as coldly as she could. ‘But then I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you any of that. What does worry me a little is that she’s also intelligent. What will you do when she discovers it, I wonder?’
‘Bitch.’ The insult was laconic, without heat or emotion. ‘Still living alone, are you?’
The question was careless and uncaring, flicking her on the raw as it underlined the solitariness of her life.
‘That’s the way I prefer it,’ she told him coldly.
‘Still the ambitious career-woman. I thought it might have palled by now. Strange how I never realised all the time you were growing up that you had such a strong streak of ambition.’
‘Why should you? I certainly never recognised a good many very obvious traits in you.’
He moved in front of her, frowning at the biting contempt in her voice.
‘Such as?’ he invited softly.
It was too much. She had already endured enough tonight, her head was pounding violently. He knew exactly what he’d done to her, so why make her say it? Did he enjoy tormenting her?
‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ She got up too quickly, his proximity to her suddenly claustrophobic. In her panic she tried to push past him and found that his body blocked the way. Closing her eyes against the onslaught of pain in her head she swayed dangerously and put out a hand to save herself. Everything was whirling madly out of control, the only point of reality in her disordered world the sure, firm sound of Jake’s voice, and she clung to it like a drowning man to a life-raft, willingly letting herself sag against his body as she felt his arms go round her and her mind abandon her completely.
Dimly she was conscious of being picked up, of being carried, of Jake’s suddenly increased heartbeat. She could hear Beth asking anxious questions, and Jake’s reassuringly measured reply.
‘Don’t worry, she always did push herself too hard. It’s probably just jet-lag catching up on her. Which is her room Beth?’
And then as she closed her eyes and surrendered to the luxury of being in his arms she heard him saying, ‘No, it’s okay, you stay down here, I don’t think she’s actually fainted. More of a dizzy spell really. She’ll be okay.’
They were going upstairs, Jake moving swiftly. He had carried her like this once before, the first time he had made love to her. All at once her stomach clenched on a fierce burst of pain. She didn’t want to remember that time now. How thrilled and yet frightened she had been, how gentle and tender Jake’s lovemaking. But it was pointless remembering it, it had all only been an illusion, something deliberately created to deceive, and neither her pride nor her self-respect had ever recovered from the fact that it had deceived, very successfully.
Indeed if it hadn’t been for Wanda she would never have found out, would now have been married to Jake for five years, would probably be the mother of his children. So why didn’t she feel relief instead of dull misery? Would she really have preferred not to know, to have married him anyway? Angered by her own weakness, she tried to push the memories away. They were inside her bedroom now. She opened her eyes cautiously, hurriedly closing them again as she felt the room sway. It was her own fault, she thought guiltily, she had eaten next to nothing on the flight from New York, and very little since. No wonder she had no strength, no resistance.
Past and present started to merge dizzily together, loosening her hold on reality, confusing her to the point where she wasn’t sure of anything other than the fact that she was in Jake’s arms. She felt him lower her on to the bed, and opened her eyes, blinking as she was caught in the cool green beam of his.
‘Jake.’
Her whole body trembled with the effort of speaking his name, weak tears almost blinding her as she saw that she had been unsuccessful in banishing the hard coldness from his eyes. She was eighteen again and desperately in love. She reached out, imploring, her breath ejected from her lungs in a shocked whimper as Jake drew back, holding her away so savagely she thought he might crush her fragile bones.
‘What is it you want from me, Jamie?’
His voice had an unfamiliar raggedness to it, a harsh echo of an old pain that disturbed and confused her. Her tongue touched the dry contours of her mouth, her stomach cramping in nervous protest. She felt lightheaded and dizzy, unable to formulate any words that would make any sense. Somewhere at the back of her mind trembled a warning that she was doing something incredibly foolish, but she was not prepared to listen to it. All she could think of was how much she ached and yearned for this man sitting beside her, and looking at her as though for some reason he wanted to strangle her.
Confusion hazed her mind, trapping her back in the past, her eyes unknowingly eloquent and pleading as she looked at him.
‘Jamie, for God’s sake.’ His fingers snapped back from her wrists as though her skin burned. ‘What in hell’s name are you playing at now?’
He was moving away from her and she didn’t want him to go. Panic and pain tore at her with knife-sharp claws, a whirling black emptiness was engulfing her, through which she cried out his name in sharp anguish.
Momentarily the darkness parted and she felt the heat of Jake’s body against her own, his mouth on hers, swiftly answering
