gave a dry laugh and took a drag of her cigarette. “Wayne is nothing if not sensible.”
She said “sensible” as if it was a dirty word.
They sat in silence. Her mother smoking, Abby kicking more dirt onto her slippers.
“You wanna go shoe shopping or something?” Cassandra asked. Bonding over a sale on Manolo Blahniks was her mother’s answer to everything.
“I’m doing okay.” Abby forced a smile. “Honest. You can go back to Tahoe with Tad, guilt free.”
“It’s Tab, darling.”
“Whatever.”
Her mother reached over and brushed a lock of hair away from Abby’s forehead. “Ken wasn’t right for you. You do know that.”
“I think I sort of got the clue when he didn’t show up at the altar.”
“You are much too passionate for a dullard like him, my dear.”
“Apparently Ken isn’t all that dull. He caught Racy Racine’s attention.”
Cassandra waved a hand. “That won’t last. The stripper is just out for his money. Soon as she discovers he’s as exciting as watching paint dry she’ll abscond with his wallet and he’ll come crawling back to you. But don’t you dare take him back. Like I said, you’re much too lusty for the likes of him.”
Abby laughed humorlessly. “Yeah, right. I’m so lusty even dull Ken deserted me.”
“You just hide your passion because you’re scared that if you let yourself go you’ll turn out like me.”
“I’m not like you. Not in the least,” Abby protested, and then she sneezed.
“Deny it all you want, sugar babe. That sneeze says it all.”
“I have allergies!”
“Then how come you only sneeze when the topic of conversation turns to passionate feelings?”
“I sneeze at other times.”
“Do you really?”
“Yes.” No.
Cassandra just smiled knowingly. “Like it or not, my hot Gypsy blood courses through your veins and those sneeze attacks are nature’s way of trying to get you to realize it.”
Abby thought of Durango and a flame of fear leaped into her heart. Could it be true? Was she sitting on a volcano of passion that was just waiting to erupt and spew disaster on everyone in her path?
She swallowed. “It’s nothing a good antihistamine won’t cure.”
“You wish. Truth is, you’re just aching to express your secret inner desires. Deep down inside, you know that’s the case.”
“You’re wrong. I have no secret inner desires,” Abby fibbed, and crinkled her nose to keep from sneezing.
“Then why do you have Tess for a friend.”
“Because I like her.”
“And why do you like her?”
“Because she’s fun.”
“Exactly. You made her your best friend so you can live through her vicariously. She does all the things you’re afraid to do and you tag along. But sooner or later, no matter how hard you try to sublimate it, that passion of yours is going to come bursting out. Just like it did with me.”
“Not if I refuse to give in to it.”
“It’s bigger than your will, darling. God knows I tried to be a good wife to Wayne and a good mother to you. I tried to live the suburban lifestyle, but it just wasn’t possible. I felt suffocated, smothered, invisible. I had to be me and I won’t apologize for that.”
“You don’t have to justify yourself.”
“I’m not justifying myself. Don’t you get it? I’m trying to warn you.”
“Warn me?”
“Once you open that Pandora’s box, Abby, once your true passion is released, watch out. There’s no going back.”
“So what you’re saying is that I’m correct in suppressing my impulsive, irrational desires in favor of calm, cool, calculated objectivity.”
“No, what I’m saying is that sooner or later you’re going to have to face up to who you really are. And when you do, you’ll stop having ‘allergies.’ Sooner or later something has to give. You can’t keep trying to be this perfect person just to please your father.”
“You’re so off base it’s laughable.”
“Am I?”
“Yes.”
“Then prove it,” her mother challenged.
“Prove it?” Abby blinked. What was Cassandra talking about?
“Let yourself go. Do something wild and crazy and uninhibited.”
“Wild and crazy and uninhibited,” Abby echoed.
“Yes. Clear it up in your mind. Establish once and for all that you’re not like me,” Cassandra continued. “Go on a trip where you don’t know anyone and make a complete fool of yourself. Pick up a stranger. Have great sex. Emulate Tess.”
“There’s no need for that.”
“Really? Are you trying to tell me you’re not plagued by secret fantasies of breaking loose, breaking out, breaking away?”
Abby swallowed but did not answer.
“Give it a shot. If I’m wrong and you’re not this passionate naughty girl trapped in a good girl’s body, then nothing bad will happen. You’ll come home with some nice memories, you’ll resume your safe, stable life and you can rest peaceful in the knowledge that passion will never induce you to run out on your husband and kid.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks for your input.” She sat on her hands because she didn’t want Cassandra to see they were trembling. “Your motherly advice is incredibly valuable at this stage of my life.”
“Why, Abby, are you being sarcastic?” Her mother looked amused.
“Sorry, I’ve had a bad day.”
“Don’t back off now. Stand up for yourself. Let me have it. Show some passion.”
But Abby wasn’t about to give her mother the satisfaction of losing her composure. “Have a safe trip home.”
“I’m being dismissed?” Her mother’s grin widened, and she got to her feet and retrieved her empty champagne glass.
“I
