sorry for the way I left you. Why did you marry me?” he asked. “I’ve always wondered. You didn’t seem like the kind of woman to fall so quickly.”
She shrugged and looked away. “You know. I was excited about finishing cooking school and celebrating in Vegas.”
“Vegas was a riot, wasn’t it?” he asked.
“Definitely. I guess I forgot that it wasn’t real, you know. The lights and the people, and you were so good with the grand gestures. I don’t even remember you asking me to marry you but I do remember standing in that chapel.”
“Me, too.”
“Why did you marry me?”
“You made me feel like I was a part of the world and not just an observer,” he said.
He’d known from a very early age that he was bound for the military. He’d always had an affinity for weapons and had gone hunting with his dad and uncles from the time he was eight. A certain sense had enabled him to sight his target and make his shot.
“I know you’re in the Marines, Jay, but I know so little else about you.”
She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and tipped her head to the side to study him. He wondered what she saw when she looked at him. He knew he was in top physical form thanks to the rigorous requirements of the Corps, but beyond that what did she see?
“I’m a sniper. And have been just about my entire career.”
He didn’t talk about his work and wouldn’t do it now except to give an overview of what he did. This was one part of his life that he never wanted Alysse to be too familiar with.
“Oh. And you like it?” she asked.
“I guess,” he said. He wasn’t about to reveal his near miss in Afghanistan or how it had hit him hard that he might die and no one would even care. That changed a man, but not in a way he wanted anyone else to know. Especially a woman he was hoping to woo back into his arms. It had made him return to the past and acknowledge he needed to make amends for how he’d left her.
“I don’t know, Jay. If you want me to trust you, you have to open up a little more than that,” she said.
“You’re not going to make this easy, are you?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Nope. I know that it’s not very nice but we did easy the first time and look how that turned out.”
He doubted that she didn’t really care. He’d hurt her and he wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to wound him the same way. He deserved that for running out on his marriage to her.
He was relieved when he heard the sound of footsteps behind them and glanced over to see the waiter from the hotel delivering their salads. Food was the distraction they needed so he didn’t have to continue to answer uncomfortable questions about himself.
He wasn’t sure that this plan of his was being executed to its best advantage. He needed to regroup. But he didn’t want just to approach Alysse as though she was a mission. He kept getting distracted by the scent of her perfume and the way her hair blew in the wind.
After the waiter left, he lifted his glass toward her. “To second chances.”
“To earned second chances,” she said, taking a sip of her wine. “I’m sorry if I sounded mean before …”
He had to laugh. It was not Alysse’s nature to speak harshly to anyone. He’d learned that during their week together. “You didn’t. Don’t apologize for your anger at me. I feel incredibly lucky that you agreed to stay for dinner.”
“I’m not sure I agreed, but I do have a lot of questions about the way our marriage ended and about you,” she said.
“You deserve to have them answered and much more. But not tonight,” he said.
She gave him a hard-level stare and he knew she was searching for answers in his eyes. He didn’t know what the future held so he tried to convey the only thing he was certain of, which was his sincerity.
They ate dinner and talked about things that didn’t really matter to him. Books and movies that he hadn’t seen or read; he was behind on his popular culture. And there was a little awkwardness to the evening. But that was to be expected. What he hadn’t anticipated was how much he wanted her still. And that that was the only thing he could think about.
“HOW LONG ARE you on leave?” Alysse asked after the waiters had left.
“Two weeks. I’m actually due to sign my reenlistment papers soon,” he said.
“And what?” she asked. “You want to spend them with me?”
“I’d like to.”
“I’m not changing my life for you, Jay.”
“I don’t expect you to,” he said. “I know that I’m very lucky that you agreed to have dinner with me.”
She gave him a half smile. “You are lucky. Are you thinking about getting out of the Corps?” she asked.
“I really don’t know. When we’re done eating I’ll take you on a ride on my Ducati, so you can let the wind clear your mind.”
“Um … a ride on a motorcycle will likely make me feel like I’m going to die,” she said.
“Ah, I won’t drive like a maniac, you’ll be safe with me. I promise.”
She didn’t want to believe him, but she did. She wanted to hold on to her anger and just stew in it for as long as she could, because being angry was insulation against starting to feel again.
“I’ll think about it. If you don’t go back in the Corps what will you do?” she asked.
“A lot of that depends on you.”
“It can’t. You have to want to get out for yourself.”
“I don’t really know,” he said, then pushed his hands through his hair. “I hate being indecisive but my future isn’t as set in stone as it once was.”
“Why?” she asked. “Did something happen? Our marriage wasn’t enough to change your mind?”
“Nothing happened,” he said. Nothing he wanted to talk about at least, she thought. He’d been raised to be strong and he wasn’t going to admit to her that he was a little scared of the future. “I’m just getting older,” he told her.
She knew there was more to it than that but he was still not ready to really talk to her. She put her napkin on her plate and stood up.
“It’s been nice but I think I’ll be going,” she said.
“Why? What did I say?”
“It’s what you’re not saying. You ask me to give you a second chance. Telling me nice-sounding platitudes and then when I ask you for something real, it’s back to the smoke and mirrors.”
She
