Because she hadn’t told him the truth?
“I thought about hiring a private investigator, but you know, those guys cost a lot of money and I...well, I had a lot of unexpected expenses, as I’m sure you can understand.” Unexpected expenses coupled with a drastic readjustment of her job. Not that she minded, really. Accompanying her mother around the globe had had its moments, but if Darcy had to spend her life catering to a diva, she would take Cady over her mom any day.
“Expenses. Right.” Xander’s face grew a couple of shades paler. “Oh, shit. I’m going to have to pay child support. And it’s all retroactive, isn’t it?”
“I don’t— Look, that’s important, but, believe it or not, it’s not my biggest priority right now, okay? So don’t freak. I’m not going to sic a bunch of lawyers on you.”
His quivering eased the tiniest bit.
“What did you— Jesus, I didn’t even catch her name. Katie?”
“Cady. Short for Cadence. Cadence Joy Maguire.”
“That’s pretty.”
“Thanks.”
She hazarded another glance at the door. Foolish, she knew. Even if Ian wasn’t juggling child and dog, even if she had completely misread him, he would never spy on her.
But, damn, it would be nice to see his face for a second.
“So she—Cady— Damn. I don’t even know what I should be asking.”
Darcy might be swimming in a sea of uncertainty herself at the moment, but talking about Cady was something she could always do.
“She just turned a year. June seventh. She’s right on target for all her milestones. She has five teeth, and another one is trying to break through, so she’s a little cranky right now, but mostly she’s happy and bouncy. She’s a really amazing little thing, and once we made it past those first few weeks, it’s been the most exhausting and exhilarating rush I’ve ever had.” All true. She had barely ever imagined herself as a mother, let alone a single one, but now life before Cady was a distant memory.
The drumming of Xander’s fingers on the tabletop came to an abrupt halt.
“I want to see her again.”
“Right. Of course.” This was good. Wasn’t it? Every kid deserved to have a dad who wanted to be with her. Some of Darcy’s most cherished memories were of her late father. “We’ll have to work out some kind of schedule,” she said past the lump in her throat. “And I think that while she’s so little, you should visit her here, you know? Until she gets to know you and feels comfortable around you.”
Xander stared at her as if she had spoken in Shakespearean English. “I mean I want to see her right now.”
“Oh.” Relief made her laugh sound fake even to her. “Of course. I... Jeez, I guess I’ve had a few too many sleepless nights. You know, with that tooth coming in.”
He wasn’t talking about taking Cady on overnights or trips or any of those other scenarios that had made her wonder, wildly, if it was possible to stuff a one-year-old back in the womb. He simply wanted to see her now. One bullet dodged.
But not for long, she knew.
Cady was Xander’s as much as hers. He had rights. Moral ones and legal ones. And she would have to honor them.
Are you there, God? It’s me, Darcy. I know Xander is entitled to be in Cady’s life, but could we maybe spread things out a bit here? One step at a time, with lots of space between them?
Inch by slow inch she pushed herself down from the table, amazed that her feet still worked when she stood on them.
A familiar bark interrupted her worry. Inside the house Lulu pawed at the back door, jumping and whining the way she always did when she spotted the freedom of the yard. Darcy stood a little straighter. Lulu at the door meant that Ian would be right behind her, which meant that Darcy would have someone at her side while she introduced Cady to her father.
Not the answer she’d expected to her semi-serious prayer, but she would take it.
“Just so you know, I wasn’t trying to avoid you guys after I left,” Xander said.
Ian appeared, slightly stooped so he could hold Cady’s upraised hands while she walked. He nudged open the door. Lulu bounded forward, leaping and yipping and rolling in the grass at Darcy’s feet.
“You’ll find out anyway, but I’d rather you hear it from me. It sounds worse than it really is.”
Xander was nattering on and she knew she should be listening, but she had to watch Ian. Because he wasn’t coming outside, and he wasn’t looking at her. In fact, if the heaviness in her stomach could be believed, he was doing his best to avoid her gaze.
She edged Lulu out of the way and moved toward the door. She could be strong and get through the next half hour, but not until she’d held Cady, not until she’d seen Ian’s smile that always made her feel she could handle whatever lay ahead.
“The thing is, Darce, you couldn’t find me because I was in jail.”
XANDER AND I need to talk.
Xander and I.
The words had pounded through Ian as he’d carried Cady into the house, leaving Darcy and Xander alone in the driveway. Alone together.
Xander and Darcy.
He had walked blindly into the kitchen, where he’d come to a sudden stop. Cady had grabbed his chin and Lulu whined at his feet. A distant corner of his brain had whispered reminders about food, water and diapers, but another, more urgent voice had had him perching Cady on the edge of the counter, where he’d held her tight around the waist and stared at her.
Xander.
He could see Xander in her now. The pale blond hair pulled into one ponytail on top of her head like a platinum exclamation point above her rosy cheeks. Legs that were starting to shed their baby fat in favor of lean length. That crooked twist to her lips that he and Darcy had laughed over, calling it her Elvis impersonation. How many times had he picked her up and touched that mouth and sung “Heartbreak Hotel” to her? Her first real laugh had happened during one of those moments.
Turns out the laugh was on him.
“Mum mum mum.” Cady wriggled within his grasp, a familiar unhappy edge creeping into her voice. He shook his head.
The best way to cure your worries is by helping someone else. His grandmother’s voice was so clear in his head he almost expected to see her walk through the door. She’d drilled those words into him all his life. He had to admit, she had a point. Doing things for Darcy, especially once he had figured out she was pregnant—well, he’d certainly felt better after shoveling her driveway than he had after time spent mulling the mess his life had been.
Though
