No, not mountains. Better to conquer men.
A glorious spring dawn brimming with rose-tinged enthusiasm had advanced across London, delighting most early risers. Mortima Urquhart could not know her husband shared none of the collective spirit.
‘Good morning, Francis. The weather gods seem to be smiling in celebration. Happy birthday.’
He didn’t move from his position staring out from the bedroom window and at first offered only a soft ‘Oh, dear’ and a slight flaring of the nostrils in response. He lingered at the window, captured by something outside before shaking his head to clear whatever pest was scratching at his humour. ‘What have you got for me this year? Another Victorian bottle for the cabinet? What is it – eighteen years of bloody bottles? You know I can’t stand the things.’ But his tone was self-critical, more irony than ire.
‘Francis, you know you have no interests outside politics and I’m certainly not going to give you a bound copy of Hansard. Your little collection has at least given you something for the hacks to put in their profiles, and this particular piece is rather lovely. A delicate emerald green medicine bottle which is supposed to have belonged to the Queen herself.’ She puckered her lips, encouraging him along. ‘Anyway, I like it.’
Then, Mortima, if you like, so shall I.’
‘Don’t be such a curmudgeon. I’ve something else for you, too.’
At last he turned from the window and sat opposite her as she held forth a small package with obligatory ribbon and bow. Unwrapped, it teased from him the first sign of pleasure. ‘Burke’s Reflections on the Revolution in France. And an early edition.’ He fingered the small leather-bound volume with reverence.
‘A first edition,’ she corrected. ‘The pioneer volume for the Urquhart Library, I thought.’
He took her hands. ‘That is so typically thoughtful. And how appropriate that our Library should start with one of the finest anti-French tirades ever written. You know, it might inspire me. But…I have to admit, Mortima, that this talk of birthdays and libraries smacks all too much of retirement. I’m not yet ready, you know.’
‘The young pretenders may seem fleeter of foot, Francis, but what’s their advantage if you are the only one who knows the route?’
‘My life would be so empty and graceless without you,’ he smiled, and meant it. ‘Well, time to give the ashes a rake and discover whether the embers still glow.’ He kissed her and rose, drawn again to the view from the window.
‘What is out there?’ she demanded.
‘Nothing. As yet. But soon there may be. You know the Thatcher Society wants to erect a statue to the Baroness on that piece of lawn right out there.’ He prodded a finger in the direction of the carefully manicured grass that lay beyond the wall of the Downing Street garden, opposite St James’s Park. ‘You know, this is a view that hasn’t much changed in two hundred and fifty years; there’s a print hanging in the Cabinet Room and it’s all there, same bricks, same doors, even the stones on the patio are original. Now they want to put up a bloody statue.’
He shook his head in disbelief. ‘And the erection fund is almost fully subscribed.’ He turned sharply, his face twisted by frustration. ‘Mortima, if the first thing I’m going to see every morning of my life when I draw my bedroom curtains is that bloody woman, I think I shall expire.’
‘Then stop it, Francis.’
‘But how?’
‘She doesn’t merit a statue. Thrown out of office, betrayed by her own Cabinet. Is the statue going to show all those knives in her back?’
‘Yet almost all of them are hacked from office, my love. By their colleagues or the electorate. Like Caesar, taken from behind by events they hadn’t foreseen. Ambition makes leaders blind and lesser men bloody; none of them knew when the time had come to go.’
‘There’s only one Prime Minister who should have a statue there, and that’s you!’
He chuckled at her commitment. ‘Perhaps you’re right – but flesh and blood turn to stone all too soon. Don’t let’s rush it.’
He turned himself to stone two hours later, as fixedly as if he had spent the night wrapped in the arms of the Medusa. It was his press secretary’s habit to arrange on a regular basis a meeting with representatives of charities – ordinary members, not experienced leaders – inviting them to the doorstep of Number Ten but not beyond, a visit too brief to allow for any substantial lobbying but long enough to show to the cameras that the Prime Minister cared – the ‘Click Trick’, as the press secretary, a hockey player and enthusiast named Drabble, termed it. Having been at his desk since six collating the morning’s press, extracting from it selected articles he thought worthy of note and preparing a written summary, he met Urquhart in the entrance hall shortly before nine thirty.
‘What is it today, Drabble?’ Urquhart enquired, striding briskly down the red-carpeted corridor from the Cabinet Room.
‘A birthday surprise, Prime Minister. This week it’s pensioners, they’re going to make a presentation.’
Somewhere inside, Urquhart felt part of his breakfast liquefying. ‘Was I told of this?’
‘You had a note in your box last weekend, Prime Minister.’
‘Sadly, kept from me by more pressing letters of state,’ Urquhart equivocated. Damn it, Drabble’s notes were so tedious, and if a Prime Minister couldn’t rely on professionals to sort out the details…
The great door swung open and Urquhart stepped into the light, blinked, smiled and raised a hand to greet the onlookers as though the street were filled with a cheering crowd rather than a minor pack of world-weary journalists huddled across the street. A group of fifteen pensioners drawn from different parts of the country were gathered round him, arranged by Drabble, who was giving an advanced simulation of a mother hen. The mechanics were always the same: Urquhart asked their names, listened with serious-smiling face, nodded sympathetically before passing on to the next. Soon they would be whisked off by one of Drabble’s staff and a junior Minister from an appropriate department to be plied with instant coffee and understanding in a suitably impressive Whitehall setting. A week later they would receive a photograph of themselves shaking hands with the Prime Minister and a typed note bearing what appeared to be his signature thanking them for taking the trouble to visit. Their local newspapers would be sent copies. Occasionally, the discussions raised points or individual cases which were of interest to the system; almost invariably the majority of those involved went back to their pubs and clubs to spread stories of goodwill. A minor skirmish in the great war to win the hearts and votes of the people, but a useful one. Usually.
On this occasion, Urquhart had all but completed the ritual of greeting, moving on to the last member of the group. A large package almost five foot in height was leaning against the railings behind him and, as Urquhart swung towards him, so the pensioner shuffled the package to the fore. It turned out to be a huge envelope, addressed simply: TO THE PRIME MINISTER.
‘Many happy returns, Mr Urquhart,’ the pensioner warbled.
Urquhart turned round to look for Drabble, but the press officer was across the street priming the cameramen. Urquhart was on his own.
‘Aren’t you going to open it then?’ another
