father, who was smoking grimly and not looking at Natasha. She turned to Lisa and Alexei, who were staring out the window in stunned disbelief. Natasha suspected that her sister, who thought she knew everything but knew nothing, and her mother, too afraid to think straight, and even her father, who ruled their family with an iron fist, didn’t have any answers.
The only thing Natasha Smirnova knew for a fact on 19th September 1941, when Hitler entered Kiev, was that life as she knew it was over.
*
All was quiet in the city at night, and Natasha, who had become accustomed to the distant sound of war, couldn’t sleep. For three months she had dreamt of being able to go to bed and not hear the buzz of the cannonade, and not hear the explosions and the mortars that were getting closer and closer, as if seeking her out. But now, as she lay in bed with her eyes wide open, she didn’t rejoice at the peace in Kiev. She didn’t rejoice because of what this peace signified. The silence meant there was no Red Army, no planes with red stars on their wings and no chance of a Soviet victory. Instead, the enemy troops were finally here. Like an oppressive shadow, Natasha could sense their presence, even here in the safety of her bed. How would they treat the local population? What if right now, while Natasha was asleep, someone marched through the door and – and what? She didn’t know what exactly she was afraid of, but she was afraid all the same. It was an abstract fear of things to come, a fear that pulled on her chest and made her heart ache. From this moment on, Kiev was a city oppressed, occupied and enslaved. And no one she knew and loved was safe.
The clock in the corridor chimed midnight. Natasha, who was sleeping on a small folding bed in her grandparents’ room, could hear Lisa tossing and turning in her bed in the room next door. Natasha got up and crossed the small space that separated the two rooms, peering in. Her eyes were used to the dark and she could make out Lisa’s shape as she curled up in bed. Instantly she felt less lonely, and her heart felt lighter. The weight she was carrying wasn’t hers alone. She had her sister to share it with.
‘Lisa, are you awake?’ she whispered, and her voice came out eerie and unfamiliar. She perched on the edge of her sister’s bed.
‘I am now.’ Lisa didn’t sound scared or uncertain. Just annoyed at being disturbed. ‘What is it, Natasha? It’s late.’
‘What do you think is going to happen to us?’
‘I guess the same thing that’s been happening to us since June.’
‘But now they’re here.’
‘There’s nothing we can do about it. We’ll just have to learn to live with it.’
‘How do we do that, Lisa? How do we learn to live with it?’
‘You heard Papa. It won’t be for long,’ said Lisa. ‘Before we know it, our army will come back and boot the Nazis out.’
‘Yes, but what if they don’t? What if it takes months or even years?’ Natasha shuddered. Years under German occupation? She couldn’t imagine living like this for another day. Although she didn’t know what to expect, her whole being rejected the idea.
‘Let’s take it one day at a time. Don’t think about it now. Think about it tomorrow. Try to get some sleep. Goodnight, Natasha.’
‘Goodnight, Scarlett O’Hara.’
It had always been like this. Natasha would be upset about something, and Lisa would tell her not to worry. Although a year younger, she never showed weakness, never opened up. But this wasn’t another teenage drama. It wasn’t a fight with her best friend Olga or a failed geometry test. It was the end of their life as they knew it.
Back in her own bed, Natasha dozed off, a troubled sleep with dreams of being pursued and lost. When she woke up, it was still dark. She wondered what time it was. What was it that had woken her? Footsteps! There they were again, soft and careful. Petrified, Natasha curled into a ball, trying to make herself smaller, less noticeable. She wished she was invisible, so that no one could find her and nothing could hurt her. And then she thought, Is this it? Is this what my life has become? Is this what I have become, afraid of my own shadow?
Through the paper-thin wall, she heard an urgent whisper. ‘Lisa, wake up!’
‘Alexei! What are you doing here?’ Lisa seemed happier to be woken up by Alexei than she was by Natasha. She sounded honey-sweet. Natasha wondered if their voices would wake their grandparents but no, they continued sleeping, their breathing regular.
‘I can’t sleep,’ said Alexei.
‘I can’t sleep, either.’
‘That folding bed is so uncomfortable. And it’s cold in the kitchen. The window is open.’
‘Have you tried closing it?’
‘No, I thought I’d come here instead.’
‘So sleep here with me. I’ll keep you warm.’
‘Are you sure? What if your father finds out? He’ll kill us both.’ Lisa’s bed creaked once, and then again, as Alexei climbed in.
‘Who’s going to tell him?’ asked Lisa.
‘He’ll come into the kitchen in the morning and find my bed empty. What is he going to think?’
‘You’ll just have to wake up before him, won’t you?’
‘What about Natasha?’
‘She’s a sound sleeper. Besides, she’d never tell on me. She’s my sister.’
There was a moment of silence that lasted far too long. Were they kissing? Natasha felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment. Maybe she could go and sleep in the kitchen on Alexei’s folding bed. But that would mean admitting she had been awake all this time, listening in. And what would Father say if he found Natasha in the kitchen? Alexei and Lisa wouldn’t be the only ones he would kill.
A pitiful sound reached her, like a kitten meowing. Lisa was whimpering softly and blowing her nose. It had been years since Natasha had heard her sister cry.
‘Are you okay?’ asked Alexei. ‘Why are you crying? Do you want anything? What’s wrong?’
‘Everything,’ said Lisa. ‘Everything is wrong. What are we going to do?’
Natasha felt a wave of affection for her sister, who tried to comfort her and give her strength, even though she herself felt weak. Lisa was being so brave, and only now, in front of Alexei, did she show how she really felt. Natasha wanted to hug her sister, hold her in her arms and tell her everything was going to be alright. But Alexei was already doing that.
‘Please, don’t cry,’ he was whispering. ‘The most important thing is that we have each other.’
‘That’s all that matters to me, you know. That we are together. Nothing bad can happen to me while I’m with you. You’ll protect me, won’t you? From everything?’
‘Of course I will.’
His voice cracked, and Natasha knew instantly something was wrong. But Lisa didn’t seem to notice. ‘We’ll get married,’ she was saying, ‘and we’ll start a family. We’ll be so happy.’
