Before she knew it she was clocking off, her feet were killing her and it was time to pick up the kids from Rita’s.
‘Time for a cuppa?’ Rita asked, alarmed when she saw how tired Sarah looked. She figured that Sarah would say no, because lately she always did, always rushing. But to her complete surprise, Sarah agreed to come in.
‘How’s that handsome brother of yours?’ Rita asked with a smile as she poured the tea.
‘Big and bold. You know what he’s like.’ Sarah replied smiling.
‘Any sign of him settling down?’
Sarah laughed as she answered, ‘Not James. He’s still playing the field. There’s nobody special at all’.
Taking a sip of her tea, Sarah asked Rita in a whisper, ‘Have you heard from Paul recently?’
Rita started to wipe the counter furiously. She looked agitated by the question.
‘You’ll wear a hole in the counter if you don’t stop.’ Sarah said to her mother-in-law. Rita dropped the cloth and turned to her.
‘He rang yesterday as it happens.’ Rita answered finally. ‘He was asking after the kids and you.’
‘Where is he?’ Sarah answered. ‘It’s been over a month now. I’ve given him as much space as I’m prepared to do. His children need him, now more than ever, what with Rachel Finch and everything. And I need some help financially. I’m struggling.’
Rita was pale. ‘I know. It must be difficult.’ Rita was so embarrassed by her son’s actions. She couldn’t make head or tail of it.
‘No, you don’t know. It’s not just difficult. I’m broke. I’ve used up all our savings, what little we had left in the account that is! I don’t earn enough at the boutique to support us. Christmas won’t be long coming round – with three kids, I just don’t know how I’m going to do it. I had to say no to Tommy last week when he asked me for new boots for his soccer. He was in tears about it. And Ella is outgrowing all her clothes. I need to buy winter bits for her now.’ Sarah blurted out angrily. She knew it wasn’t Rita’s fault, but she couldn’t help herself feeling angry with her.
Rita picked up her purse and rummaged out a fifty euro note, pushing it into Sarah’s hand. Sarah pushed it back to her immediately and felt bad that she had snapped at her.
‘Rita, I don’t want your money. You’re on a pension and I’ll not take it. But I do want something from you, I need Paul’s number. I don’t believe you when you say you have no idea where he is. It is beyond ridiculous that the only way I have to contact my own husband, the father of my three children, is by email!’
Rita started to cry. ‘I’m not sure where he is. I swear it. He always rings me with his number blocked so I can’t call him back. He won’t tell me where he is or what he’s doing. I begged him yesterday to come home. Honestly Sarah, I begged and begged him.’
Sarah could see how upset Rita was and that she was telling the truth. She had no reason to doubt her. ‘What did he say?’ Sarah asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.
‘He hung up.’ Rita answered quietly. ‘I don’t know where he is but I don’t think he’s coming back anytime soon.’
Sarah fell back into her chair at this last statement. ‘How did he sound?’ she asked desperately. She needed some kind of an explanation as to how or why her husband could just abandon her and the children like this. ‘It’s not good enough. He has responsibilities. I don’t have the luxury of being depressed. I don’t have the bloody time!’ She finished angrily.
Rita reddened a little bit. ‘It’s awful for you. I’m ashamed of him, I really am. I don’t know how he could go off like that, leaving you and the kids behind. You’re a great mother and a great wife. He doesn’t deserve you, he really doesn’t.’
Sarah held her mother-in–law’s hand. She knew that this was hard for her too. She must miss her son, as much as she missed her husband.
Do you miss him though? a tiny thought popped into her head. And she wasn’t even sure if she did truth be told. Paul was rarely at home in the past couple of years. He worked long hours most days. He was rubbish with the practical side of looking after the kids; she wasn’t sure he’d ever given them a bath; he rarely fed or even dressed them. She had often moaned that she felt like she was a single mother long before he’d actually left her.
So what did she actually miss - the idea of having a husband or the physical presence of Paul? Did she even love him anymore? She closed her eyes and pictured his face and realised despite all of his flaws, he was her husband and she loved him and more importantly, the children adored him. She’d just gotten used to doing things on her own she supposed. However Paul working long hours and not being very hands-on at home and Paul disappearing completely into thin air were two different things altogether. Once she found him, she vowed to work harder at being a couple, not just being parents.
She looked at her mother-in-law and asked, ‘Did he say anything about his job? He told me that he was out on sick leave. But surely even when he’s out sick, he should still be getting paid? I’ve sent him several emails and got no response. His mobile says that it’s no longer in use. I’m running out of patience, not to mention money.’
‘Sarah, I don’t know how to tell you this, but last night when we spoke, he didn’t sound depressed. He sounded happy. I’m so sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.’
‘Happy? What is going on with him? Has he left us for good? Does he think that he can just break up a ten year marriage with just a couple of emails?’ Sarah finished in a small voice.
‘I don’t know. I really don’t.’ Rita replied.
‘Listen, if he calls again; tell him I’m not going to row with him. Tell him to call me for the children’s sake, if nothing else.’
Rita nodded. ‘I will; he promised he’d be in touch next week. I’m going to try harder to get a contact number or address. I’ll tell him I’ve been sick and I’m worried if something happens to me, nobody could contact him.’
Sarah got up and gave her mother in law a hug. ‘Thank you for that and for all your help with the children. I’d be lost without you.’ She felt sorry for her all of a sudden. She could tell she was deeply embarrassed by her son, but he was still her son and she missed him too.
‘It’s my pleasure. I look forward to the days that you need me to mind them. I’m lonely here on my own, especially since Thomas died.’ Rita’s husband had been dead for five years now.
Sarah felt her guilt double at that admission. She rarely invited Rita over to her house anymore.
‘You’ll have to come over some weekend for dinner.’ Sarah said kindly.
‘That would be great, love.’ Rita replied with a big smile. ‘I can come anytime.’
‘That’s a plan so. Right, better get these kids home to bed.’ Sarah called out for them and gathered up Ella from her playpen.
‘By the way Sarah, I nearly forgot to tell you, I bumped into Mae Shiggins yesterday, Ruby’s mother – she’s back home!’
‘Goodness,
