been doing this forever.’
I shook my head.
‘What? Nothing?’
‘You’re sitting in it‚’ I said‚ sheepishly.
‘You spent it all on the car?’ He sounded incredulous. I felt stupid. He smiled at me.
A smile laced with sympathy.
Kingsley Parker sat alone in a large conference room at the head of the table. He twirled aimlessly in his chair and wondered how many decisions had been made in this very room? How many lives saved and how many lives destroyed? Which number was greater? Parker looked up at the clock and then at his phone‚ which was sitting face-up on the huge table. It rang as he knew it would. He answered on the first ring.
‘Tell me‚’ Kingsley Parker said. ‘How’s our boy?’
*
At Thames House‚ 12 Milbank‚ MI5‚ his colleagues referred to him as Chalk. Parker had earned the nickname in 2003 when he was part of – in his view – the huge joke that was the invasion of Iraq and the search for weapons of mass destruction. A joke with a devastating punchline.
He had been travelling late one night or early in the morning‚ by himself‚ against orders‚ in search of some company. It was a road often travelled by others within his regiment‚ soldiers who missed the touch of a loved one. But it was also a road that‚ at this time of the night‚ was deemed too dangerous to travel. There had been sightings of Iraqi insurgents‚ various reports of kidnappings‚ some which led to the beheadings that were broadcast by the local news stations and online across the world.
It didn’t matter to Parker. He was so strung out from battle that he welcomed the risk. Craved it. He told himself it wasn’t just the sex but the need to be held tight‚ to be embraced‚ and to alleviate the frustration and anger and guilt that consumed him at having to fight such a shitty war.
Parker had drunk deeply but hadn’t quite arrived at drunk. He was singing along to Elvis Costello when his headlights picked out the body of a young girl lying across the road. He smiled to himself as he slowed down. The girl looked to be no older than seven or eight but it was hard to establish as she was curled up into a ball with her back to him. Never had he seen such an obvious set up‚ the body placed just too perfectly. He stopped the car forty yards short and pulled the freshly cleaned Browning handgun from his shoulder holster.
He watched the shadows on either side of the road and from his combats he slipped out a flask and took a generous sip. Parker knew he could continue driving‚ there was enough room either side of the girl to manoeuvre through. But he was tired. Tired of fucking Iraq. Tired of being part of something that had such sharp teeth but no intelligence. The loss of so many homes and lives. The women and the children and the livelihoods. Tired of the trigger he himself often had to pull. Parker knew he had taken out important high-value targets‚ but at what fucking cost? His sleep was punctuated with nightmares and a recurring dream of a nameless‚ faceless boy watching his father mowed down‚ his mother obliterated and his home redecorated. It was waking from that nightmare which had propelled him into a government-issued vehicle‚ down a dangerous track‚ in search of the warm embrace of a warm body.
Parker switched the headlights off‚ and disabled the interior lights which would have illuminated him when he opened the door. Even half-cut he wasn’t going to be anyone’s target. He rolled out of the vehicle and as soon as his boots found purchase on the floor his adrenaline kicked in. He spun away from the vehicle into the dense shadows at the side of the road‚ cocooned by darkness. In his fast-beating heart he knew that this could be the time and place where it all ended for him‚ but maybe that’s the way it had to be. God’s will. Parker was not a religious man but too often recently he had woken petrified that when the time came he really would be cast down into the dark depths of a volcanic hell‚ because he hadn’t used his own God-given mind‚ and instead had just followed orders. The orders that left him looking at shattered bodies.
There was no easy way to do this so he just walked confidently towards the girl. His eyes adjusted to the starry night‚ and with the light of a quarter moon he could see the girl’s shoulders rise and fall ever so slightly. The way she was laid looked as though she had been placed comfortably in bed and had drifted off to sleep‚ after her father had told her a sweet bedtime story‚ about how he would protect her from all the evil soldiers.
Any small doubt that Parker might have had about this being a set-up vanished. Any thoughts he had about this girl being genuinely injured‚ vanished.
Parker closed his eyes and said a simple prayer. Not a rehearsed prayer‚ ripped out of a book‚ but a genuinely heartfelt prayer. He asked to be forgiven. He asked for his family to be protected. But most of all he asked for peace. Parker opened his eyes.
The body had gone.
The girl was now standing on the side of the road glaring victoriously at him. He smiled warmly at her and nodded and then he turned his attention to the three men who were standing in front of him.
The first thing he noticed was that they were all carrying Kalashnikov automatic rifles‚ but it wasn’t this that disturbed him. It was their footwear. They were all wearing US military issue heavy-duty desert boots. Trophies. Were they stolen or crudely removed from a still-warm body? Parker’s eyes travelled up away from the boots and to the bright white cotton shalwar and kameez speckled in fresh dirt which they would have picked up as they lay on their stomachs in the grass‚ hiding and waiting for him to step out of the jeep. Each face was covered tightly with red and white chequered ghutrah scarves.
Three sets of nervous eyes accosted him. Angry‚ accusing‚ reckless. One of them spoke. Parker couldn’t tell which one as the mouth was trapped behind the ghutrah and the sound came out muffled but unmistakeably audible.
‘Put your hands up… Now! Hands in the air.’ The accent heavy and guttural.
Parker slowly put his hands up in the air‚ bent at the elbows. Okay. So this is what death’s door looked like. His life didn’t flash before his eyes‚ instead he thought with regret that he wished he wasn’t wearing his military fatigues. If he’d had a choice he would have wanted to die clean‚ and not covered head to toe in the clothes in which he had shed so much blood.
‘Throw your weapon to the ground. Slowly… Do it now!’ another voice‚ younger‚ instructed.
Rather than do as instructed‚ Parker reached down with his right hand and removed the Browning from the small of his back and brought it down to his side. Gun pointing to the floor‚ his finger caressing the trigger. Three pairs of eyes widened‚ their plan to take him hostage and execute him on film no longer an option. Kalashnikovs moved into shooting position‚ the safety switch notoriously cumbersome to operate.
Kingsley Parker lifted his holding arm and shot the one to his left in the neck and blood sprayed out towards Parker’s face‚ but before the blood had reached him Parker had put a bullet between the eyes of the man in the middle. A burst of fire came from the last man standing but Parker was already moving. He dropped low‚ and as he rolled away his left hand joined his right and steadied the Browning. A quick double tap to the chest dropped the third man.
Parker swung left and trained his gun at the girl. Only her eyes were on him. No risk there. He swivelled back to the men just as they were falling‚ bodies
