had tears streaming from my eyes. I couldn’t let the kids see me like this. I didn’t know what to do. So I pulled my phone out of my pocket, stared at it for a long moment, and then I did the best thing I could think of.
I called my sister.
* * *
“Snap the fuck out of it!”
I’d been in midrant, complete with hiccuping sobs, when my big sister, who never even said damn, brought my runaway emotions to a sudden halt.
“Do I have your attention?” Sandra asked.
“You do.”
“Okay, first. Set the phone on your lap and put me on speaker so you don’t get killed, okay?”
Apparently she’d discerned from my initial projectile word vomit that I was driving while having a complete breakdown and talking on the phone. I did what she said and paid attention to the road. If I wrecked Mason’s ride he’d never forgive me. If he lived.
God, let him live.
“I’m going to meet you at your place, Rachel. But before you get there, I want you to pull yourself together. Right now.”
“But I don’t know how bad it is. I don’t even know if he’s going to—”
“Yeah, and you know what? Neither do those boys.”
Cold water in the face might have been as effective. But I doubted it.
“They’re kids. Their father is dead, and their mother is in a maximum-security nuthatch. At this moment, you are all they have, Rachel. You need to step up for this. It’s important.”
That brought me to full attention. I sat up straighter, and my tears dried up like they’d never been there. “I don’t know what to do for them, sis.”
“You go in there and you tell them the truth in the most positive manner possible. Live your books for once. Tell them you’ve got no reason to think he won’t be just fine, and make sure you sound confident when you do. If you look scared or uncertain, they’re gonna be terrified. They need a mother figure. So talk to them. Reassure them, and most of all, make sure they know that you’re there for them, no matter what happens to their uncle.”
I blinked hard, because those words hit me deep. I did not want to be a mother figure to those kids. I’d said it over and over.
“You would, wouldn’t you, Rache?”
“What?”
“Be there for the boys if anything happened to Ma—”
“Yeah. I would.” And it was the truth, even if I had only just realized it. I was shocked, to be honest. I’d become way more attached to the dynamic duo than I’d been aware of. Josh was like Myrtle’s freakin’ littermate, and Jeremy was Mason’s mini-me, with a fair amount of teenage angst (most of it hard-earned) thrown in.
“Then you have to let them know that.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll be there by the time you arrive.”
“Okay.”
“Now hang up and call his mother.”
“Aw, jeez, Sandra—”
“Tell her not to drive. I’ll send Jim to pick her up and drive her in. Tell her he’ll be there soon. Just as fast as he can.”
“Okay.”
“Hang in there, sis.”
I nodded hard, disconnected, thanked my lucky stars for a big sister who knew how to talk to me and called Mason’s mother. She took it pretty well, I thought, and I did a great job holding it together as I tried to reassure her, and told her my brother-in-law was on his way to pick her up.
And then I was home, rolling slowly through the wrought-iron gates I’d left open and along the driveway up to the my house. My haven. I shut off the engine, got out, then stood there a second looking at my front door like I was looking at my own grave. I did not want to walk in there and blow those kids’ lives to hell and gone. How much more could they take?
Then Sandra’s minivan pulled in behind me. The headlights shut off, and she was out and hugging me hard before I even took another breath.
It made me choke up when she hugged me, so I pushed her away, wiped at my eyes, looked into hers. “How’s my face?”
She took a tissue out of her purse and dabbed some smudged makeup away. “You’re good. You can do this.”
Nodding, I marched up the front steps, opened the door and stepped inside.
Joshua, Jeremy, and Sandra’s daughter Misty were playing video games on the sofa. Jere and Misty sat close enough so their elbows were bumping. Ah, young love. My other niece, Christy, who I think was trying out for the role of the bad twin lately, sat in a chair off to one side, her nose glued to her smartphone.
Myrtle was the only one who noticed we’d come in, and she came barreling across the living room unerringly and bashed me in the shins with her forehead, which was her typical greeting. I yelped, because bulldogs have skulls made of lead, and the kids finally noticed us there, paused their game and turned our way.
Jeremy met my eyes and went a shade paler. “What happened? Where’s Uncle Mason?”
I drew a breath. “Your uncle was hurt a little while ago. He’s going to be okay, though. They’re taking him to the hospital. We’re all going to meet him there, okay?”
Joshua blinked slowly and didn’t say a word. He looked terrified. They both got off the sofa, moving toward us.
Jeremy said, “Hurt how?”
I swallowed my fear and tried to feel confident. “There was a fire.” Be straight with them, said my sister’s voice, echoing in my head. “There were kids inside, and you know your uncle. He ran in to get them out. And he did. But it looked like he got burned a little, and he probably took a few whiffs of smoke in the process.”
Jeremy nodded, joining us near the front door. “Let’s go, then. Josh, c’mon.”
Josh moved slower, like he was sleepwalking. He had this shell-shocked look, and his eyes were wide and unblinking, and kind of vacant.
I crossed to him, put my hands on his shoulders. “Josh, you don’t have to be afraid. He’s gonna be okay.”
His lips trembled. His tears welled. “Wh-what if he’s not?”
“I refuse to even consider that,” I told him. Myrt was at his feet now, affectionately butting his hands where they hung at his sides and getting no response. “I’ll tell you this much, though,” I said. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m sticking with you two. The both of you. No matter what.”
Josh wrapped his arms around me. If I got all tight in the throat, it was just because I wasn’t used
