she sat on the garden wall, legs dangling, her quiet eyes taking note of everything: the peeling window-sills, the beautiful solid wood door with its deep-etched panels, and the garden in the foreground with its cavalcade of weeds and giant thistles. ‘So much work!’ she groaned. ‘So much money!’
She must decide how to tackle it, what was urgent, and what could wait until she could afford to get it done.
For a long time she sat there, thinking and calculating and trying desperately to draw a picture in her mind of her father and the woman, Liz. ‘A shy little thing,’ the taxi-driver said, ‘… waved him goodbye from the door.’
Kathy was glad her father had found love and contentment, even if it was only from time to time. ‘I don’t blame you, Dad, for wanting to get away from Mother,’ she whispered. ‘I’m glad you found someone who treated you right … somebody who loved you the way you deserved to be loved.’
A sense of peace took hold of her and for a long minute she was quiet, contemplating her own future. ‘I know why you gave me this house,’ she murmured. ‘You wanted me to be happy here … and maybe, just maybe, to find love.’ She smiled. ‘Already, London seems a long way off. That day, when I took flowers to the churchyard, I had no idea what was in store. I knew nothing about what you’d done … this house, and the fact that you had left it to me in your will.’
She chuckled. ‘You should have seen Mother’s face when she handed the deeds over … I think she’d rather have been handing me a poisoned chalice. And Samantha! What a terrible fuss she made. In the end she got what she wanted – they both have. Mother’s getting wed, secretly hoping he’ll pop his clogs and leave her a rich widow, and Samantha’s been promised the house, and all Mother’s jewellery. What do you think to that, eh?’
A quietness came over her, a kind of resignation. ‘I might be divorced and nearly broke, and you’ve left me a house that needs money spent on it, but I’m richer than either of those two will ever be.’ Kathy truly believed that. ‘Thank you for this lovely house, Daddy,’ she murmured. ‘I’ll look after it, I promise. I’ll get it done up and make it my home.’ With a sense of abandonment, she threw out her arms. ‘I’ll probably stay here for the rest of my life.’
Overwhelmed, she gave vent to her emotions, the tears rolling down her face. ‘I feel close to you here, but, oh, I do miss you so. I don’t suppose you’ll ever know how much.’
From a distance, Tom heard the tail end of her words. Listening to her emotional, one-way conversation he recognised a kindred spirit. ‘She’s just a lost soul … much like yourself,’ he muttered.
Quietly, not wishing to be seen, he went away, back to his cottage and his own company.
That was the way he preferred it.
Not yet ready to return to the caravan, Kathy took a leisurely stroll round the harbour. Leaning on the railings, she finished off her fish and chips and watched the boats in the water. There was something incredibly soothing about watching the water, and here it was like she had never seen before. Where the harbour outlet tapered down to a narrow funnel, the trapped water thrashed against the high walls, moaning and fighting as if trying to escape.
Just now, one of the late fishermen started his boat’s engine and headed it towards this turbulent funnel of water. As it travelled the short distance before it came out into open sea at the other end, the little boat was swayed and pushed dangerously close to the high walls. In the end, though, the fisherman skilfully negotiated the waters, and a few minutes later he was headed for the fishing sites, his lights low and his engine running softly.
Having a fear of deep water, Kathy was filled with admiration.
When the boat was out of sight she screwed up her fish-and-chip paper and tossed it into the nearest bin. After a long, lingering glance at the house, she returned, slightly reluctantly, to the caravan.
Less than an hour later, after a quick wash, she was undressed and in her newly made bed. Moments later, she was fast asleep, wearied by the long journey, and the emotional turmoil of seeing the house, in what she believed was a private moment. If she had realised someone had overheard, albeit innocently, she would have been mortified.
Not far away, in his cottage on the hilltop, Tom was pacing the floor. He couldn’t sleep. His mind was too full of thoughts, too active. Kathy had somehow brought back memories of his wife, and now he could not rid himself of everything else that went with it: the guilt, the belief that he should have tried harder to save them, the agony of knowing he would never see them again. Yet even while he tortured himself, he knew he had done everything humanly possible on that day. Thinking about it now merely hardened the rage inside him. He wanted revenge. He could taste it.
But he wasn’t ready yet. Now, just when he thought he was almost on top of it, when he was beginning to feel the time was almost right, his thinking had been thrown into turmoil. By this troubled woman, a pretty stranger who had intruded in his life as though for a purpose.
This evening, after he had inadvertently caught the end of her heartfelt outpourings, he had known her presence here had nothing to do with him. He felt foolish for ever having thought it might be.
All the same, she had unearthed something deep inside him, something he had tried hard not to acknowledge. Feelings of loneliness and need. The normal, manly feelings that were stirred by the sight of a warm, beautiful woman. For a long time now he had felt like half a man. Kathy’s touching words, her open, infectious laughter had only made him realise how lonely he really was.
But what a strange coincidence, he thought, to have seen her three times; twice in his native London, and now here, in this quiet, tucked-away place where he had sought refuge.
Beyond sleep for the moment, he put on his jacket and went out into the night. Up here, out on the cliffs, there were no lamps to light the way, only the moonlight, which hung low in the clearest of skies, shining down like some kindly beacon to guide his footsteps.
Picking his way through the low bracken, he went softly along the well-trodden path towards the cliff-edge, and down, side-stepping, half-climbing, half-sliding, to the bottom. Once he was down on the promenade, he cut round by the wall and onto the beach, almost all of which was now swallowed by the incoming tide. The sound of surging water sang in his ears, and the familiar tang of salt air stung his nostrils.
For a time he walked the beach as he had paced his room: frantic; driven by the same demons that had brought him here. With the sea lapping at his feet, he pushed onwards, to where the ground slipped away into the sea and there was barely enough room for a man to walk.
Once there, where he could go no further, he flattened his back against the rocks, a man alone with his troubles, his eyes raised to the heavens, and his heart breaking.
After a while, as always these days, his heart was calmed, his mind quieter. He began his way back, to the widest part of the beach, where he sat listening to the rush of breaking waves and the many comforting sounds of night: nesting seagulls ruffling their feathers; creatures of the water shuffling a path through the sand.
In the dark, where no one could see, the world was breathing all around him. It was his now, this part of night when others slept and dreamed. In the semi-darkness, this place, this world, this precious time was his, and he cherished every minute.
Content now, oblivious to the minutes and hours that ticked by, he stayed; satisfied just to look and listen.
After a time, when night began to merge with daylight,
