over it. You have to cherish all the beautiful memories you had with Alya and let go of the bitterness and the blame.’
‘Oh, really?’ He gave a bitter laugh. ‘So suddenly you’re an expert on relationships, are you, my little virgin horse whisperer?’
She flinched a little as if she had only just registered the harshness of his words. ‘It’s always easier to diagnose someone else’s problems rather than your own,’ she said stiffly. ‘And presumably you told me all this because deep down you wanted my opinion.’
He wasn’t sure why he had told her. He wondered what had possessed him to open up and let her see his dark heart. Was it to warn her off the tenderness that had started to creep into their nightly lovemaking, even though he had warned her against such tenderness at the very beginning? And now he regretted his impetuous disclosure. He wanted to rewind the clock. To take back his words—and his secrets—so that she would become just another anonymous woman in his bed. So what inner demon prompted him to voice his next question? ‘And what is your opinion?’
Livvy sucked in a deep breath, knowing that what she wanted to say required courage, and she wasn’t sure she had enough within her—not in the face of so much sudden hostility. Yet wasn’t it better to live your life courageously? To face facts instead of hiding away from them? Saladin might be a sheikh who ruled this wealthy land, but in this moment he needed the words of someone who wasn’t prepared to be intimidated by his position and his power. Who would tell it the way it was—not the way he wanted to hear it. She drew in a deep breath. ‘You once accused me of allowing the fact that I’d been jilted to affect my life negatively—and you were right. But haven’t you done exactly the same with Alya?’
His eyes narrowed. ‘What are you talking about?’
She licked her lips. ‘Aren’t you in danger of using your wife’s death as an excuse to stop you from living properly, in the here and now? She died when you were newlyweds...’ Her voice faltered for a moment as she met the angry glint in his black eyes, but she’d started now. She’d started and she had to finish. ‘She was young and beautiful and time hadn’t tarnished your perfect relationship in any way—’
‘And you’re saying it would have done?’ he demanded hotly. ‘That all relationships are doomed to end in failure or misery? Is that your Western view of marriage?’
‘That’s not what I’m saying at all. Nobody knows what would have happened,’ she said fiercely. ‘Because nobody ever does. All I know is that you seem to be letting your unnecessary guilt hold you back.’
‘And what if I don’t think it’s unnecessary?’ he bit out. ‘What if I feel it is the burden I must carry until the end of my days?’
‘Then, that’s your choice, because nobody can change your mind for you, Saladin. Only you.’ She hesitated because this bit was harder. ‘Though maybe you prefer it this way. Your lovely wife was cut off in her prime and nobody else is ever going to be able to live up to her, are they? She was perfect in every way, and she always will be because you’ve put her on a pedestal. And no living woman can ever compare to Alya.’
His eyes narrowed with sudden perception and slowly he nodded his head. ‘Ah,’ he said tightly. ‘Now I understand.’
She was alerted to the dark note that had entered his voice, and her head jerked back. ‘Understand what?’
He gave a short laugh. ‘Self-regard disguised as advice. Isn’t that what you’re doing?’
‘I’m afraid you’ve lost me now. I was never very good at riddles.’
His mouth hardened into a cynical line. ‘Oh, come on, Livvy. You must know what I’m saying. You seem to have settled very well here in Jazratan. Even my advisors have commented on how well you have fit in. Unobtrusive, modest, yet supremely hard-working—you put to shame our enduring stereotype of the Western woman as a hard-living party animal. Of course, nobody but us knows that our nights have become a feast of sensual delights. And that under cover of darkness you become someone quite different—a creature of pure pleasure.’ His black eyes became hooded as he looked at her. ‘Perhaps you are reluctant to walk away from all that you have found here. Did you look around at my palace and like what you saw—is that it? Did my pure little virgin see herself as the future queen of Jazratan?’
Livvy stiffened as his words shot through her like tiny arrows. He had taken her well-meaning advice and twisted it, making it sound as if she’d been seeking her own happy-ever-after when all she’d been doing was trying to comfort him. He made her sound grabbing and self-serving and cheap.
‘You dare to accuse me of something so cynical?’ she demanded, hot breath clogging her throat.
‘Yes, I dare!’ he challenged. ‘What’s the matter, Livvy—have I touched a raw nerve?’
Pushing her hair away from her hot face, she noticed the tremble of her fingers. ‘Actually, I find your arrogance and your assumption breathtaking, if you must know, but at least it’s made me see things more clearly.’ She drew in a deep breath as she wriggled away from him. ‘And I’m going back to England.’
He shook his head. ‘No, not yet.’
‘It wasn’t a suggestion, Saladin—it was a statement. I’m going and there isn’t a thing you can do to stop me.’
He reached for her then, his hand moving underneath the sheet to slide around her waist, and Livvy despaired of how instantly her body reacted when he touched her. She bit her lip as he began to stroke her and wished he could carry on stroking her like that until the end of time.
‘Look, maybe I shouldn’t have said those things.’ A note of something like contrition entered his voice as he continued with his seductive caress. ‘Maybe I was lashing out because I’d told you so much. More than I’ve ever told anyone else.’
‘It doesn’t matter what you say to me now. My mind is made up and I’m going,’ she repeated, pushing away his hand. ‘Because there’s no reason for me to stay. You’re obviously suspicious of my motives, and that is your prerogative. But I don’t want to be hidden away like a dirty secret anymore. Do you understand?’
His face darkened. ‘And what about Burkaan?’
Livvy felt her heart plummet as his reaction confirmed what she already knew—that his racehorse meant more to him than anything. Of course it did. When would she ever learn that she was one of those women who fell for the kind of men who would never love her back?
‘Burkaan will be fine,’ she said. ‘He doesn’t need me anymore—we both know that. He’s got his appetite back and he’s no longer vicious with the grooms. The X-ray results are conclusive.’ She paused, suddenly realising how much she was going to miss the feisty black stallion. But not nearly as much as she was going to miss his judgemental master. ‘The vet told me this morning how pleased he is with his progress—and he’ll continue making good progress, as long as you take it slowly. So don’t rush him. A month walking, followed by a month trotting. After that, you can try cantering.’
‘Livvy—’
‘I mean, obviously there’s no guarantee he’ll ever race again,’ she rushed on, desperate to cut him off before he tried another of those appeals, which this time she might not be able to withstand. ‘But you should certainly be able to put him out to stud at some point in the future. And now I think it’s best
