admit that he deserved it.
Maybe she hadn’t heard him. That had to be it. He opened his mouth to repeat himself, but nothing came out. He pressed his lips together. Deep down he didn’t want to push Jules away—he wanted to pull her close and keep her there. But that was impossible. And now, after reliving how his lack of good judgment had cost Gianna and their unborn child their lives, he couldn’t do the same thing with Jules’s future. He couldn’t let her wreck her future over him.
No matter how much she’d end up hating him, he had to set Jules free. It was for the best. “I’m sorry—”
“Don’t be. You were amazing.” Jules pulled on her boots and strode over to him. She smiled up at him. “And I—”
He pressed a finger to her soft lips, not letting her finish. He knew what she was going to say, and he didn’t think that he could bear to hear her say again that she loved him. If she uttered those words, he was afraid the last of his resolve would crack, and that couldn’t happen.
“You aren’t understanding me.” He averted his face to avoid witnessing the inevitable hurt in her eyes. “You and I aren’t meant to be.”
“Yes, we are.”
“No, we aren’t. Your life is back in New York. You have grad school to attend.”
“Grad school was Lizzie’s idea, not mine. I want to stay here with you.”
He couldn’t keep arguing with her. She had to understand that this thing, whatever it was, wasn’t going to happen again. She had a life to lead, and it wasn’t with him.
Stefano grasped her shoulders. “You have to hear me. This thing between us is over. After the wedding, you’ll get on a plane back to New York and I’ll be busy preparing for the harvest.”
Her eyes opened wide. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“Yes, I am.”
“But we just shared—”
“A special moment that I’ll never forget. But we have to be realistic. We both want different things in the future. And you don’t even know for certain what that’s going to be.”
She drew her shoulders back. Her eyes glittered with strength and determination. “I know I want you. And you punishing yourself for your wife’s accident isn’t going to change what happened. You’re a good man, and you deserve to be happy again.”
“I will be when I know that you aren’t throwing away your future. You have the whole world at your feet. All you have to do is choose your path.”
“I choose you.”
He refused to accept her words. She didn’t mean them. In time, she would realize that they were a mistake. “Don’t let your experience as an intern scare you away from grad school. This world needs people who see things that need changing and aren’t afraid to speak up. The key is not to give up in the face of adversity. Sometimes you just have to regroup and take a different approach. Be the voice of those children who can’t speak for themselves.”
She hadn’t thought of it that way. Was she turning her back on helping countless children who didn’t have a voice? The thought tumbled through her mind.
“And if you want to be a mother, you can do that, too. Don’t let your past hold you back. I know your life with your mother wasn’t good, but use it as a lesson in what not to do as a parent.”
Jules worried her lush bottom lip. “But what if I’m no good at it?”
“Follow your heart. It won’t lead you astray. You have good instincts. If you do that, you can’t possibly fail. But remember that no one is perfect. You’ll make mistakes along the way. Everyone does. Just learn from them.”
She tilted her head to the side and gave him a hard stare. “You know, you’re awfully full of good advice for a bachelor.”
“You forget I come from a very big family, and they are all full of advice. I guess some of it rubbed off on me.”
She was going to make someone an amazing wife. And when the time came some child was going to be showered in love. The image of her with a husband and baby flashed in his mind, causing his gut to knot up.
“To bad you can’t accept advice as well as you hand it out.” Her lips pressed into a hard line.
His hand rubbed over his stubbled jaw as a war raged inside him. “I wish I could tell you what you want to hear. But I can’t.”
“And here’s my advice to you. Don’t let the past dictate your future. Live in the moment. Otherwise you’re going to miss everything that is good in life.” When he didn’t say anything, she glared at him. “Why do I even try? I give up.”
The pained look in her eyes stabbed deep into his heart. He’d rather have dealt with some female hysterics than the defeat that was reflected in her expression. She turned, glanced over at the horses and then started walking back to the villa.
“Don’t you want to ride?” he called out to her retreating form.
She shook her head and picked up her pace.
He started after her. He couldn’t let it end this way. He had to tell her that their lovemaking had meant so much more than he was letting on. It had moved his world and left him wanting more of her.
His steps slowed down. He couldn’t do that. He’d be encouraging her to stay here with him. She’d sacrifice everything. And maybe not today or tomorrow but someday she’d regret it. And she’d blame him.
He stopped. His gaze followed her. He assured himself that this was best for both of them. No matter how much the sacrifice would cost him.
Because beneath it all, he loved her.
* * *
In the days that ensued, Jules resolved to hold Stefano at arm’s length.
How could she have been so foolish to think that he felt the same way about her? How many times had she been told that men and women looked at relationships two different ways? She knew better. While she was busy letting her heart fill with love for him, he was enjoying the moment. He wasn’t picturing a future with a picket fence, two-point-five kids and a cat or two or three.
She nuzzled Apricot close to her neck. “You know I’m leaving soon. The wedding is next week. And then my time here will be over.”
Apricot purred and used her tiny pin-like nails to climb up on Jules’s shoulder, where she liked to perch. The kitten’s happy meter went all the way to the top, and all Jules could hear was the sound of purring. Jules loved the sound. It was comforting and reassuring. Boy, was she going to miss Apricot, this vineyard and—
She brought her thoughts up short. She refused to miss Stefano. He was the one to turn away from her—to dismiss their lovemaking as if it meant nothing. And to think that she’d blurted out that she loved him. She blinked rapidly. No way was she going to cry. He didn’t deserve her tears.
Wedding or no wedding, she didn’t know if she’d be able to face him again.
