he turned, but he did.
She was there, watching him. Her hair was dark red and her dress a shocking shade of pink that looked as if it was about to split across her generous breasts.
“Are you all right?” she asked again.
“Fine,” he replied in crisp Italian. “I apologize. You startled me.”
She came forward then, hesitantly, her hands clasped together in front of her. She was lovely, he decided, in spite of the horrible dress. Her shape was imprinted on his mind, her curves still burning into his body. His hands itched to explore her, but he kept them clenched into fists at his sides. He used to take whatever women offered him, as often as they offered it, but that man had ceased to exist in the months after he’d returned from the war.
At first, he’d indulged in sex because he’d thought it would help him forget. It hadn’t. It had only sharpened the contrast between life and death, only made him feel worse instead of better.
Now, denying himself was a matter of routine. Not to mention safer for all involved. His dreams were too unpredictable to sleep with a woman at his side.
Worse, they seemed to be sliding into his waking life if what had just happened was any indication.
The woman was still looking at him. Blue-green eyes fringed in dark lashes blinked up at him as a line formed on her forehead. “You really don’t look well.”
He glanced down at her hands, at the way she rubbed the thumb of one hand into her wrist. He’d hurt her, and it sickened him. What kind of man had he become? He was coming unglued inside, and no one could help him.
“I’m fine,” he clipped out. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
Her eyes dropped. “You didn’t really. You just surprised me.”
“You’re lying,” he said, and her head snapped up, her eyes searching his. Something in those eyes called to him, but he shut it off and backed away.
“You don’t know that,” she replied, her chin lifting. “You don’t know me.”
He almost believed her. But her lip trembled, ruining her brave façade, and Zach loathed himself. “You should go,” he said. “Walk away. It’s safer.”
She blinked. “Safer? Are you so dangerous, then?”
He swallowed. “Perhaps.”
Her gaze was steady. Penetrating. “I’m not afraid,” she said softly. “And I don’t think you’re dangerous to anyone but yourself.”
Her words hit him like a punch to the gut. No one had ever said that to him before. The truth of it was sharper than any blade.
More frightening.
Anger and despair flowed over him in waves. He wanted to be normal again, wanted to be what he’d once been. But he couldn’t seem to dig out of the morass, and he hated himself for it. He simply didn’t know what normal was anymore.
“I’m sorry,” he said again, because there was nothing else he could say. And then he turned and strode away.
Lia Corretti sucked in a disappointed breath as she watched the tall, dark American striding down the hall away from her. Something fell from his hand and bounced on the plush carpet. Lia hurried forward, calling to him.
He did not turn back. She stooped to pick up the small object on the floor. It was some kind of military medal suspended from a red, white and blue ribbon. She clutched it in her hand and looked down the long corridor at his retreating back. He walked so precisely, so stiffly, with the bearing of a soldier.
Of course he did.
She looked at the medal again. He’d dropped it on purpose. She did not doubt that. She’d seen his fingers open, seen the shiny object tumble to the floor, but he hadn’t stopped to retrieve it.
Why?
Her wrist still smarted where he’d twisted it behind her back. She didn’t think he’d been aware of what he’d been doing. He’d seemed … distant, as if he were somewhere else. It’s what had made her go to him, what had made her touch him and ask if he was all right. He’d been plastered against that wall, his eyes squeezed tight shut, and she’d thought he’d been ill.
Lia closed her fingers around the medal. It was warm from his skin, and her heart skipped. She could still see the raw look on his face when he’d realized what he was doing to her.
She knew that look. It was one of self-loathing, one of relief and one of confusion all rolled into one. She knew it because she’d lived with those feelings her entire life.
In that moment, she’d felt a kinship with him. It was so strange. After a lifetime of isolation, one moment of looking into a stranger’s eyes had made her feel less alone than she’d ever felt before.
She turned to go back into the ballroom, though she’d rather be anywhere else, and caught a glimpse of her reflection in one of the full-length mirrors lining the corridor. Revulsion shuddered through her.
No wonder he’d wanted to get away.
She was a whale. A giant pink whale bursting at the seams. She’d been so excited when she’d been asked to be a bridesmaid. She’d finally thought she might be accepted by the sleek, beautiful Corretti family, but instead she’d been forced into a blazing pink dress at least two sizes too small for her bust. Carmela Corretti had laughed when she’d walked out of the fitting room, but she’d promised to have the dress fixed.
She hadn’t, of course.
Lia’s grandmother was the only one who’d seemed to sympathize. When Lia put the dress on today, despair and humiliation rolling through her in giant waves, her grandmother had hugged her tight and told her she was beautiful.
Tears pricked Lia’s eyes. Teresa Corretti was the only one in the family who had ever been kind to her. Her grandfather hadn’t been unkind, precisely, but he’d always frightened her. She still couldn’t believe he was gone. He’d loomed so large in her life that she’d started to think him immortal. He’d been intense, driven, the kind of man no one crossed. But now he was dead, and the family wasn’t any closer than they’d ever been. Not only that, but Lia wasn’t certain that her cousin Alessandro wasn’t to be more feared as the new head of the family.
Lia screwed up her courage and reentered the ballroom. A glance at her watch told her she’d put in enough time to call it an evening. She was going to find her grandmother and tell her she was leaving. No one would care that she was gone anyway.
The music pumped and thumped as it had before, and the crowd surged. But then another sound lifted over the din. It took Lia a minute to realize it was Carmela, shrieking drunkenly.
Lia despised her late uncle’s wife, but thankfully she hardly ever had to be around the woman. She didn’t care what Carmela’s problem was tonight. She just wanted to go back to her room and get out of this awful dress. She’d curl up with a book or something inane on television and try to forget the humiliations of the day.
But, before she could find her grandmother, the music suddenly died and the crowd parted as if Moses himself were standing there.
