in them. ‘Why? Why are you on my side?’
‘You even have to ask that?’
‘Of course I have to ask that. No one’s ever been on my side before. Why should you be any different?’
She was being honest, painfully so, and it made something twist in my chest. There were people who should have been on her side, like her mother, for example, and yet Lily hadn’t been. Lily hadn’t been on anyone’s side but her own.
It was wrong and it offended my sense of fairness down to the bone.
I stared right into her eyes, into her hurt and vulnerable soul. ‘I am different. And I will continue to be different. I’m on your side, Poppy Valentine, no matter what happens, understand me?’ I made the words a vow because that was exactly what they were. And I didn’t second-guess myself or question why I was saying this. Poppy needed someone and I would be that someone.
Moisture glittered on the ends of her lashes.
Christ, she was crying.
I let go of the back of her neck and cupped her jaw in one hand, using my thumb to brush away the tears, trying to ignore the twisting, heavy feeling in my chest. ‘Poppy...’
‘I’m not crying,’ she said fiercely, totally ignoring the wetness I was wiping away. ‘I’m not.’
‘I didn’t mean to upset you.’
‘I’m not upset.’
‘Little liar.’ I brushed away another tear, searching her face. ‘What’s wrong?’
Her throat moved as she gave a convulsive swallow. ‘I haven’t done anything to deserve this from you. Not a single goddamn thing. I’ve been nothing but horrible to you since the day—’
I pressed my thumb against her soft mouth, silencing her. ‘You don’t need to deserve it.’ My voice was thick and rough, but I didn’t care. Her eyes were full of tears and all I wanted to do was take them away, make her feel better because the pain in her gaze hurt me too. ‘You’re bright and you’re passionate, and you’re brave. Isn’t that reason enough?’
She shook her head, another tear sliding down her cheek, so I went on. ‘You’ve been protecting yourself for a long time, I know that. I understand. I’ve been doing the same thing myself. But you don’t need to do it any more. You don’t need to protect yourself from me.’
She was silent but when I moved my thumb, tracing her lower lip, unable to stop touching her, she said, ‘And when this is over? Will you still be on my side then?’
It was a challenge, because of course she was always challenging me. And I knew what ‘this’ meant.
A tight kind of ache started up behind my breastbone, but I didn’t look away from her. I told her I’d always give her the truth and I would. ‘Yes. Even when this is over, I’ll be on your side. I never say things I don’t mean.’
She stared at me and I couldn’t tell what was going on behind those molten metal eyes.
Then she opened her mouth and bit my thumb.
Poppy
HE MEANT IT. I could see it in his eyes. He would be on my side.
But it wasn’t that that made me want to cry even harder. It was the fact that he thought ‘this’ had a finite date.
When this was over, that was what he’d said.
It shouldn’t have hurt. It shouldn’t have meant anything at all because, God knows, I hadn’t thought about wanting him or this affair that we were having to go on for ever.
But the way he’d said it in conjunction with telling me he’d be on my side felt...odd. Like he was giving me something precious with one hand while taking something even more precious away with the other.
I didn’t know why it stuck in my head, but it did.
And I didn’t want him to see it, not when he’d already seen so much, so I bit his thumb, trying to divert his train of thought onto something else.
Something simpler.
His dark eyes widened, heat flickering in them as I let my teeth rest gently against the skin of his thumb.
It didn’t matter that what we had wouldn’t last. I didn’t need it to. I didn’t want it to.
Sure, he made me feel good when he touched me and knowing he thought I had talent, knowing he thought I was bright and passionate and brave, were all good things—wonderful things.
But... I didn’t need them.
I didn’t need a man to make me feel good about myself.
So why were you crying?
Yeah, that had been ridiculous. Maybe I was getting my period or something.
No. It’s because you know you’re not any of those things. And it’s easier to take his punishment than his compliments.
‘You don’t believe me, do you?’ He wasn’t looking at my mouth around his thumb, but into my eyes.
Damn man.
Trying to ignore that snide whispering voice, I swirled my tongue around the tip of his thumb, flicking it like I flicked the head of his cock, yet still he didn’t look away.
‘What would it take?’ The question was soft, dark. ‘What would it take for you to believe me?’
Nothing. Nothing would make me believe him, because I couldn’t afford to believe him.
He was right about one thing. I’d been protecting myself a long time. So long that I didn’t know how to stop, nor did I want to.
If I stopped fighting, people took advantage. Selfish people who didn’t care what I wanted, only what they did. My mother, all the various employers who thought they could put a hand on me.
My father, who put his own pain before the life of his child.
I did have to protect myself because who else would?
He would.
No, I couldn’t trust that. I’d trust him with my body and my pleasure, but nothing else. After all, like he’d said, this would be over soon enough and I’d have to go back to relying on myself anyway.
The fire in his eyes became darker, more intense, which should have been a warning. He’d always responded to every challenge I threw at him and what was my lack of belief if not a challenge?
He pulled his thumb from my mouth. ‘What’s your word, Poppy?’
