What are you doing out here?”
Sunshine slipped through the cracks in the living-room window blinds on Saturday morning. Joe eased open one eye from where his face was mashed against the armrest cushion on the couch. “Huh? Oh, I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to wake you so I came out here.”
“I was worried I’d snored or something.” She’d obviously tried to lighten the mood, so he laughed easily, as if nothing was wrong at all. She looked nearly angelic, standing with the window behind her, her silhouette outlined by bright morning light. She was wearing an oversized T-shirt with those long, slender legs completely bare. It made him want her all over again, but that was the last thing he should ever do.
“No.” He scrubbed his face, trying to wake up, realizing she hadn’t bought his explanation, and he needed to be straight with her. “You didn’t snore.” Yeah, he had to nip this in the bud and, though it might sting today, she’d thank him later for sparing her more pain.
“What’s up, Joe? I don’t have a good feeling about us having sex and then you sneaking off to the couch.”
He wasn’t ready to look at her, and when he told her his thoughts she deserved his undivided attention. “I need some coffee.” He stood and she followed him into the kitchen. He glanced at her before he got on the job of filling the coffeemaker and saw the frightened and forlorn woman he’d first seen at the bus station. It made him feel sick to do that to her so he stopped avoiding the moment and grabbed one of her hands. “Look.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry we crossed the line last night. It was fantastic, amazing, and a huge mistake.”
“No. It was totally okay with me. Couldn’t you tell?” She searched his eyes, looking for answers. It made him look down at the hand he held. “In fact, it was an incredible night. I never dreamed making love with you could be so wonderful.”
He glanced upward, finding those eyes...greener in the morning light. “It was great, but things are too confused between us. You need time to heal from your lousy relationship with Ross, and the most important thing in your life right now should be your baby. Focus on the baby, instead of getting all involved with me. Not that I didn’t love what we did in there last night, it’s just that we’re dangerous for each other right now. I shouldn’t take time and energy away from you focusing on what you want to do with your life. I’ll just interfere, and you need to think what’s best for you, not anyone else.”
Who was he kidding, laying all the excuses at Carey’s feet? He still wasn’t ready to trust another woman, to open up about the pain of his wife’s infidelity. And that’s what he’d need to do in order to be with someone new. Her. It was why he’d been living like a workaholic hermit all this time. What would she think of him if she knew how scared he was to tell her the truth, and if he wasn’t ready to be completely honest, what was the point of being with her?
He pulled her close and held her, and it hurt to feel her stiffen when he wanted to love her. But now he had to push her away because she deserved better. She deserved a future of her own making. All he’d do was mess things up. “We both have a lot going on in our lives right now and it isn’t a good time to confuse things even more with sex.” He pulled back to engage with her eyes, but she was now the one avoiding eye contact. “And, believe me, that was incredibly hard to say, because I wanted you like I’ve never wanted anyone else last night.”
It seemed she’d stopped breathing, a dejected expression changing her beauty to sadness. He felt queasy, like he’d already finished the pot of coffee and the acid lapped the inside of his stomach. But he forged on because he had to.
“It’s not right for us to be together now. Our timing is off. We just have to face that. And no one is sorrier than me.”
Something clicked behind those beautiful eyes. Her demeanor shifted from tender and hurting to world-weary chick. “Yeah, you’re right. It really was stupid.” She pecked his cheek with a near air kiss. “Now I need to shower.”
He watched her walk away, her head high and shoulders stiff. In that moment he hated more than anything having given her a reality check, and the thought of drinking a cup of coffee made him want to puke.
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