disco. I was fairly annoyed when Peter Jenson told everyone in the sixth form that I was a lesbian after he walked into the bathroom at Louisa’s sixteenth birthday party and we were in there chatting while I had a wee. And, of course, I wasn’t overly pleased when I found my boyfriend shagging his mistress in the back of our car at my best friend’s wedding. But none of that was anything to how I felt at that exact second.
There he was, this ridiculously beautiful man who had everything going right for him in the world, standing in front of me waving around what he genuinely thought was the perfect life, like the moon on a stick, while his secret boyfriend stood six feet away, leaning against a giant brown plastic mammal. And I was being selfish? No wonder Blake was such a twat all the time. His boyfriend was the biggest arsehole in the universe and he couldn’t complain about him to anyone.
‘Do you love Blake?’ I asked.
‘What?’ James looked past me to where Blake was staring at us from the arms of the sloth.
‘Do you love him?’ I asked again.
‘Angela, just stop playing games. Are you going to fuck me over or what?’
I ignored him and carried on. ‘Because I actually love my boyfriend and the idea of him not knowing that for sure is actually worse than any of this bollocks right now.’
As soon as I’d said it, I knew it was absolutely true. I couldn’t get the look on Jenny’s face when she talked about Jeff out of my head, and I didn’t want to ever feel that way about me and Alex. ‘I don’t believe that you two are in love. If you were, you wouldn’t care who knew, you’d just want to be together.’
‘As if it’s that easy,’ James snapped back. ‘I’m not some random guy that can just do whatever he wants when I want, Angela. My career depends on my reputation. It’s all a character, everything I do.’
‘Oh shut up. It’s not the Fifties any more, you idiot.’ I took my turn to push him; unfortunately his six-foot-plus frame didn’t actually budge. ‘No one cares if you’re gay.’
‘It wasn’t the Fifties when I was growing up either, but they cared then,’ he fumed quietly. ‘I’m not doing it, so just pack it in. Blake understands why we have to do things the way we do.’
‘Do I?’
For the first time I realized Blake wasn’t leaning against the (actually hilarious in any other situation) giant sloth because he was too cool to stand up, he actually couldn’t stand on his own. His eyes were no longer a little bit red around the edges but wet with real tears.
‘Do I, James?’ he asked again. I suddenly felt extraordinarily uncomfortable. Oh bugger.
‘We talked about this last night,’ James said, in a considerably softer tone of voice than the one he’d been using with me. ‘You said—’
‘No, you talked about it last night.’ Blake’s voice got louder as James’s got quieter. ‘And I didn’t say anything, but I’m saying something now. Bitch’s right. There’s no need for all this bullshit any more. I know you had a hard time when you were younger but it’s over. You’re here now and you’ve got me. If you felt the same way I did, none of the rest of it would matter.’
I paused in my steady backtracking out of the way. Did Blake just call me a bitch? Arse, I was on his side!
‘Blake, don’t.’ James’s pretty face was dangerously close to crumpling. I swapped positions with Blake, him holding James’s shoulders, me clutching the oversized paw of the sloth. He looked fascinated by the proceedings. For a giant, infamously lazy plastic creature.
‘Don’t what? You remember when you asked me not to make you choose and I said I never would?’ Blake placed a hand against James’s cheek. ‘Well, I changed my mind. I’m asking. In fact I’m telling. If you do this interview with her, I’m gone. Call me when you’ve made up your mind. Or don’t. I won’t be at the hotel when you get back.’
We watched Blake stalk across the park and out of sight before James turned to me.
‘Drama,’ I said, raising my eyebrows.
‘Is it too early for a drink?’ James asked, holding out his hand.
I hesitated before I took it. He looked exactly how I felt. He looked exactly like Jenny had that morning. He looked heartbroken.
‘It’s a bit early,’ I said, slapping his hand away and walking on ahead. ‘But that’s never stopped me before.’
After our third block of driving in silence, I fished my phone out of my bag and willed it to ring.
‘Oh, just call him,’ James said without turning to look at me. ‘It’s like looking at puppies in the window of a pet shop. I can see your reflection in the window.’
I smiled tightly and speed-dialled Alex, but it still didn’t connect, no answer phone, no anything.
‘Hold this,’ I said, passing James my phone and emptying my handbag out onto the car seat. I knew it was in there somewhere.
‘Good God woman, how much crap have you got in that handbag?’ he asked as I sifted through Post-it notes, loose dollar bills and chewing gum wrappers. ‘I’ve seen apartments with less stuff in them.’
‘I know, I know,’ I said, shaking out an address book for loose entries. ‘I promised myself when I got this bag that I’d look after it but, well, I’m just a bit rubbish.’
‘Wait until I see Marc next and tell him what you’ve done to his bag,’ James tutted, sorting through assorted tampons and lip glosses. ‘He’ll be disgusted.’
‘You know Marc Jacobs?’ I froze mid-dig. ‘You actually know him?’
‘I did some ads for him,’ James nodded. ‘He’s cool.’
‘Keeping that from me until now is officially the shittiest thing you’ve done,’ I said, unfurling a screwed-up bit of old receipt from the back of my diary. ‘Got it.’
Before I could regret it, I dialled.
‘Jeff, it’s Angela. Clark. Alex’s girlfriend? Jenny’s friend?’ I said quickly before he could even speak.
‘Yeah, I actually had you at Angela,’ Jeff replied. ‘What’s up?’
‘Uh, well, I was wondering if you knew if Alex was in?’ I stammered. ‘He’s not answering his phone and well, I’m not in the city. Is he about?’
‘He’s not, no. He didn’t tell you where he went?’ Jeff sounded surprised. At least it seemed as if there was one person in the world who hadn’t heard all about my ‘Angela’s Adventures in Hollywoodland’. It was just unfortunate that it was my best friend’s ex-boyfriend who I was absolutely forbidden to speak to ever again. ‘Hey, uh, how’s Jenny doing?’
‘He went somewhere?’ I leaned forward, resting my forehead on my knees.
‘Yeah,’ Jeff replied. ‘He came over last night and asked me to keep an eye on his place. He had a bag, seemed in a rush to get someplace. So, she’s OK?’
‘What?
