A tray was brought out by one of the maids then and they all sat on blankets on the grass until John’s team went in to bat. Sarah had enjoyed her glass of barley water and was on her feet again when Lord Myers came over to her.
‘I should like to speak to you in the library before you go up, Miss Goodrum.’ His expression was grim and Sarah’s heart caught. He was angry, she was sure of it and could not for the life of her think what she had done.
Surely he had not discovered her true identity?
Sarah followed behind the others as they all trooped into the house. The tea ceremony had been dispensed with for the day since they’d all enjoyed cool drinks on the lawn and no one was hungry. Sarah would have liked to escape to her room to tidy herself, but a look from Lord Myers sent her straight to the library. He followed her in and closed the door behind him. One look at his face made her catch her breath.
‘What is this I hear about your lesson this morning, Miss Goodrum? Can it be right that you condoned the behaviour of a maid who was dismissed for immorality—and did you really give Francesca books that described the procreation of children?’
‘We were talking about poetry and Francesca happened to say that a man could let a woman down. I hadn’t realised how innocent she was and I thought it better she should know the truth.’
‘And John—is he old enough to hear it like that?’
‘I did not explain anything in detail and he seemed to know more than Francesca. I gave her books on anatomy, but tried to explain about feelings and the consequences of being carried away by them.’
His gaze narrowed. ‘What kind of books did you deem suitable for a young woman of sixteen?’
‘They have pictures, which show the workings of both the male and female body, and explain about childbirth and...the rest of it.’
‘And you think that suitable reading for a young lady of quality?’
‘It is better she should know than go to her wedding night in ignorance, wouldn’t you say? We talked further on our walk and I was careful to impress on her the consequences of having...intimate relations before one is married.’
‘Good grief!’ Lord Myers seemed stunned for a moment. He ran his fingers through his thick dark hair, his grey eyes wintry. ‘I was told you were an unusual governess and you certainly are, Miss Goodrum.’
‘Would you prefer I’d lied? Would you have Francesca ignorant of the facts of life? She will know now precisely why she ought not to give in to the persuasion of rakish men—and what may happen if she does. She will also be more prepared for her wedding night.’
‘You take my breath away.’
Sarah swallowed hard, her hands turned inwards, the palms sweating. ‘Forgive me. I did what I thought was right. I know some ladies might think I was too direct...’
‘A great many men would feel the same. Such revelations would undoubtedly have led to instant dismissal in most households.’
‘I did not intend it to be part of the lesson, it just happened. I realise that convention decrees that these things remain hidden from a young woman—but I think it unfair that girls should marry without the faintest idea of what to expect. In some cases the shock may damage their marriage. Besides, most girls hear it from a servant rather than their mother. John had some garbled version from a stable lad and I thought it best to be open.’
‘Yes, I see that...’ Lord Myers was staring at her. The heat in his eyes seemed to burn her skin. ‘Well, it is over now and perhaps no harm has been done. I would ask you not to indoctrinate your charges with your radical ideas too often, Miss Goodrum.’
‘No, of course not—though I feel Francesca’s mother would have told her the facts of life by now had she lived.’
‘In a rather different way and not in front of her brother, I imagine.’
‘Yes, perhaps that is true. John did not seem surprised or particularly interested. I imagine he’s heard more in the stables than he heard from me.’
‘And that is to be regretted,’ Lord Myers said. ‘The language of the grooms is something most boys learn, but it must be tempered with proper explanation so that he understands what it means to be a gentleman. He must learn where the dividing line comes between taking one’s pleasure and guarding one’s honour and that of a lady.’
‘Yes, of course. It is a good thing that you came here, sir. He very much enjoyed himself this afternoon.’
‘I have decided that in future I shall take over John’s lessons. I do not disagree that Francesca should be prepared for life—and she will be aware of the consequences, as you say—but John needs a firm hand.’
‘I am sorry you feel I have let him down, my lord.’ Sarah’s cheeks were stinging for she felt herself at fault, though in her opinion she’d done nothing to merit such censure.
‘No harm has been done that a few lessons with me cannot put right. We shall continue to have games or other pastimes that we share, Miss Goodrum, but I no longer want John to join you in the mornings.’
‘As you wish, sir.’ Sarah stood stiffly, her hands in front of her. She felt his censure unfair and yet understood his point of view. John did need male guidance and would do better not to gain his knowledge of the world via the stables. ‘May I go now? I should like to write some letters before I change for the evening.’
‘Yes, you may go,’ he said, then, as she walked to the door, ‘Wait a moment, Sarah—I did not wish to censure you. I felt it my duty after what John told me.’
Sarah turned to look back at him. There was no hint of tears in her eyes, though she could feel them inside. ‘You were doing your duty, sir. If I failed in mine, I am sorry.’
She went out and closed the door before he could answer, hearing him curse as she did so. She was feeling subdued as she walked up to her room. Her first day had seemed to go well, but clearly she had made mistakes and aroused Lord Myers’s disapproval—and that hurt. It hurt more than she would have imagined.
What he would think if he knew of her deception she dared not think. No doubt he would believe his opinion of her as some kind of adventuress thoroughly vindicated.
* * *
At dinner that evening Sarah wore her same gown. She had no other evening gown suitable and would not have dared to venture downstairs in it if she had. She had already aroused doubts and suspicions in Lord
Myers’s mind. Next he would be thinking her a courtesan or some such thing. She did her best to seem natural and held her head high, answering any questions that came her way, but keeping her opinions to herself. Even when Lord Myers mentioned the Regent and Francesca asked if it was true that he had been married to Maria Fitzherbert, she refrained from joining the conversation until directly addressed.
‘Well, I think it was very unfair of him if he did,’ Francesca said when Lord Myers merely shrugged and said he didn’t know. ‘What do you think,
