nowhere and I don’t know if I can get my head around that.’
‘You take things so seriously.’
‘I know I do,’ Cate said. ‘I don’t want to, but I do. I want to be carefree, I want to just let loose and have fun and live a little…’
‘Then do.’
To Bridgette it was that simple.
Maybe, Cate thought, it could be.
She thought of Elsie and her one wild fling, thought of Juan, who was, quite simply, beautiful, and she felt as if she was standing on the edge of a diving board and peering down.
She wanted to have done it, wanted to be climbing out of the water, high from the thrill. It was just throwing herself over the edge that Cate was struggling to come to terms with.
‘I’ve got a dress you can have,’ Bridgette said. ‘It’s too big for me but it would look great on you. It’s still got the tags on. Go and get ready and I’ll fetch it.’
They borrowed and swapped things all the time. Bridgette was always buying and selling things on the internet. Cate did her make-up until Bridgette returned.
‘Oh!’ She stared at the dress. ‘White?’
‘First after Paul.’ Bridgette winked. ‘You need sexy undies.’
Cate opened her top drawer and let out a sigh. Juan was right, her relationship with Paul had gone on too long—two years in and they’d long since passed the sexy underwear stage.
‘You are joking?’ Bridgette said, as Cate pulled out some rather plain white panties. ‘You’d be better off not wearing any!’
Well, that wasn’t going to happen—so she had to wear the sensible ones.
Cate never usually wore white, but when she put it on she found it suited her. The dress tied under the bust and scooped a little too low and certainly, when she looked in the mirror, the word virginal didn’t spring to mind.
‘It’s too much! Or, rather, it’s way too little,’ she said, pulling the dress down over her bottom.
‘Go for it,’ Bridgette said. ‘Take a taxi.’
‘I’d rather drive,’ Cate said. ‘Anyway, I’m working tomorrow.’
She put on her new wedges and there was a flurry of nerves in her stomach as she looked in the mirror, and then there was the most terribly unfamiliar feeling as she filled her bag not just with lipstick and breath mints but with a few condoms too.
It was so not her.
Just so against her nature.
Cate picked up Kelly and Abby and kept having to force herself to keep up with the conversation, her mind was so full of Juan.
There was a flurry of hellos as they entered the garden to the restaurant where Christine’s leaving do was being held.
They had chosen outside, not just because of the balmy heat but because thirty Emergency workers tended to be loud at the best of the times.
Cate slipped into a seat beside Louise and, although she did her best not to look over, the second she arrived she searched for him. She saw that Juan was already there. He was, of course, in the middle of the long table, sitting beside Christine and enthralling his adoring audience.
Maybe, Cate thought, all this indecision was for nothing, because he’d barely looked in her direction.
Maybe she’d said no one too many times.
‘He could have his pick, couldn’t he?’ Louise said.
‘Almost,’ Cate sighed, they both knew who she was talking about.
‘It’s a shame he’s leaving.’
‘I just don’t get the drifting-around-the-world thing,’ Cate said. ‘He wouldn’t even commit to a three-month contract. I could understand it if he was in his twenties.’
‘I don’t need three months with him…’ Louise nudged, and Cate pushed out a smile.
It was actually a very nice night—at first. The restaurant was set high on Olivers Hill and looked over Port Phillip Bay. The view was stunning and the drink was flowing a bit too freely because Christine’s laughter was getting louder and louder, the stories at the table more outrageous. Cate laughed and joined in but her heart really wasn’t in it. She just wanted to go home, not to be sitting waiting for a sliver of Juan’s attention, not to be like Christine and hanging onto his every word.
And, yes, it hurt that he hadn’t so much as spoken to her once.
It was still, at eleven p.m., unbearably warm and Cate blew up her fringe as she let out a long breath. ‘Another sleepless night, tossing and turning…’
‘Well, if you insist.’ Juan’s voice from behind her made Cate jump but she managed to answer in her usual dry fashion when she turned round. ‘In your dreams, Juan!’
He lowered his head and gave her a brief kiss on the cheek, just as a few other colleagues had, but because it was Juan he took the tease one step further. ‘Often.’
‘You don’t know when to stop, do you?’ Cate really tried not to take his flirting seriously, for pity the woman who believed that any words that slipped from those velvet lips hadn’t been used many times before.
‘I brought you a drink…’ Juan put a glass of champagne on the table.
‘It’s very nice of you, but I’m driving.’
‘You can have one.’
‘I don’t want to have one.’
‘I’ll have it.’ Louise smiled.
‘Help yourself.’
He moved into an empty seat beside her—a few of the gathering had gone to dance and once she’d finished her drink Louise drifted off to join them.
‘Are you looking forward to Monday?’ Juan asked.
‘I don’t know that much will change,’ Cate attempted.
‘Of course it will.’
‘It might only be temporary,’ Cate pointed out. ‘I might not get the job.’
‘You know you will.’ He saw the swallow in her throat. ‘Is it what you want?’
‘Of course it is.’
‘Why?’
‘Why wouldn’t I?’ She gave a small shake of her head. She wasn’t about to discuss her career with a man who had turned his back on his.
‘Have you thought about doing the sky jump?’
‘The places are all taken.’
