upon a time, had made her wish that she could do anything at all to solve whatever the problem was. And she usually had.
But that was the old Maya. The black-and-white, rule-following Maya, locked away in all that gray.
“The funny thing is, I do understand,” she told him, in the spirit of some generosity that she couldn’t have named if her life depended on it. “I wish the two of you could have handled this better. Not left me at the altar, for example. But I understand.”
It was the greatest gift she was capable of giving, here in the run-up to a Christmas she’d imagined would be very different. But it was a time for forgiveness and grace, if she was capable of it. She was surprised to find she was.
And she knew it would have been impossible even twenty-four hours before.
But Charlie had shown her what true power was and where it waited deep inside her, if she dared surrender to it.
She had dared. And Maya felt like a different person in the aftermath.
One who might be a little shaky, sure, but one who was capable of giving gifts to those who least deserved it.
So, naturally, Ethan ruined it.
“Of course you don’t understand,” he retorted, in that superior voice of his that she’d used to think was cute. Because it reminded her how smart he was, how accomplished, how successful. Today she just thought he sounded like a dick. “You don’t know what it’s like to truly love someone like this. I don’t expect you to. But the problem is, you hiding out in Italy is making things awkward for us.”
She ran her tongue over her teeth. “What a nightmare. Heaven forbid you feel awkward.”
If he heard her sarcasm, he ignored it. “There’s friction at work. You know what it’s like in the firm when there’s any hint of scandal. And your sister is hounding me day and night about selling the condo.” He let out a baffled sort of laugh. “It doesn’t make any sense. Why would you want to live here?”
“I hardly know where to begin with any of that.”
“You need to come home, Maya. Sulking in Italy isn’t solving anything. We need to put on a good front for the partners, as soon as possible, before they start jumping to unfortunate conclusions about our dependability.”
Maya was shaking her head at the darkness on the other side of the window before her.
“That sounds like a you problem, if I’m honest.”
“Don’t be childish, please. It demeans us both. I’m talking about our careers.”
“And somehow, I don’t think I’m the one demeaning anything. What good front do I need to put on? I’m the one who was left at the altar.” She made her voice as bland as possible. “All I have to do is put on a brave face and I’m the heroine of this story. Your road is a little rougher, I’m afraid.”
“I’m aware of the optics,” he snapped at her. “That’s why we need to do this together.”
“The last thing we did together was plan a wedding. You’ll understand if I’m less interested in joint projects from here on out.”
“This is what I’m talking about. This childishness. Who is that helping?”
“You’re going to have to rehabilitate your image on your own,” Maya said coolly. “But if it makes you feel any better, I’m sure you’ll quickly discover that no one really cares that much about your personal life. I can assure you that I certainly don’t. In fact, I would prefer to never hear about your personal life or your deep and abiding love, ever again.”
“I knew you wouldn’t understand.” He sounded lofty then. Like some kind of martyr to love.
It was maddening.
Maya’s temples were pounding, and she pressed the fingers of her free hand against her forehead, urging herself not to give in to the wave of temper.
“Here’s the thing, Ethan. You and I both know that the only thing you will ever love is yourself. Luckily, Lorraine is more or less the same. And I’m sure you’ll do wonderfully together.”
“I already told you I won’t tolerate your nasty asides.”
“I think we both know that you don’t care about me, my feelings or anything else, or none of this would have happened.”
A funny thing happened when she said it that way. Out loud. Stark and matter-of-fact. And to him. Especially when he didn’t argue. It put the years they’d spent together into order. It highlighted all the things she’d told herself were just a part of a long-term relationship—one that greatly resembled her parents’ businesslike arrangement.
I don’t want to be my parents, she admitted to herself. They were as cold as a Canadian winter, frozen straight through, and she’d tasted fire now. She’d burned alive—and she liked it.
She felt free and sad at the same time. Unmoored. “Let’s be clear about why you’re really stonewalling my sister. It would be inconvenient for you to relocate. That’s why you don’t want to leave the condo. Not because it has any sentimental value to you and not even because you’re trying to hurt me, somehow. Because you would have to care to do that.”
Ethan sighed. “If I’m such a sociopath, why did you want to marry me?”
“A question I’m sure I’ll spend the rest of my life grappling with,” she shot right back. “But today, happily, that’s one more thing that’s not my problem. If you want the condo, you need to buy me out. And if I were you, I would think long and hard about lowballing me, as I know you’re going to try to do.”
“This is ridiculous. I’m not going to play these adolescent games with you in the middle of the night. We’ll talk when you get back from Italy.”
And impossibly, laughably, he hung up.
He hung up on her.
For a long moment, Maya didn’t move. She sat where she was, her mobile in her hand, staring at the screen in disbelief.
But then something shifted inside her.
It had something to do with the glorious way Charlie had taught her how to surrender. To move into the things she feared or wanted, or both at the same time—and discover who she really was on the other side of it.
Her heart kicked at her at that, but she couldn’t think about him yet. Not quite yet.
She thought about what she knew instead. All those grays, the black-and-whites and Ethan in the middle of it, so certain that she would do as he wanted.
Because she always had.
She had been more dedicated to the idea of their perfect life together than she had been to him, personally. They had rarely fought, because there was nothing to fight about. Maya had always done that math and come up with the same conclusion. Keeping their busy, glossy life running smoothly had been her priority. Always. If she hadn’t been sure about something, Ethan would argue her into it. He would sit her down,
