felt awful. What a fucking disaster.
Eve Harley paced her Kensington apartment and decided that she would do just about anything right now for a glass of wine. Scratch that, a bottle.
Orlando was due in thirty minutes. She was trying everything she could to distract herself, tidying things pointlessly, rearranging possessions, even attempting to settle down with her item on Mitch Corrigan, but nothing could train her mind.
Their encounter hurtled towards her like a nuclear explosion.
It wasn’t Eve’s style to be nervous. Her job landed her in dozens of compromising positions and she knew how to handle herself. But this wasn’t work.
For once, her private life was centre stage. It was an uncomfortable spotlight.
Her anxiety at seeing him wasn’t helped when she flicked on the TV and caught him live at his London engagement. Orlando was opening a restaurant in Chelsea with a popular TV chef, out on the carpet shaking hands, cameras scattering the night with stars, and his pristine, moneyed grin flashing white in the storm.
In the end, he was late. An hour passed before the buzzer sounded.
Eve had never invited him to her home before. Personal space was off limits, always had been with her boyfriends (not that he was one of those), and the arrangement with Orlando was no exception. As if she was giving something away by letting him see where she’d come from. There wasn’t a great deal of personal memorabilia about the place, and certainly no family photographs, but even so.
Predictably he grabbed her as soon as he walked through the door.
‘I’ve missed you,’ he said, gathering her into his arms and nuzzling her neck. He smelled expensive, of leather and cashmere scarves, of warm winter coats.
She pushed against him, went to begin, but he stopped her with a kiss.
‘So this is new,’ Orlando murmured, enjoying the game, ‘calling me up out of the blue—what’s going on?’
Eve stepped away. He mimicked her frown before realising she was serious.
‘Is everything cool?’ he asked.
‘Not really.’ A beat. ‘We need to talk.’
‘Sounds serious.’ He kissed her forehead. ‘OK if I take off my coat?’
She nodded, watching him shrug out of his jacket and hang it on the back of a chair. At last his eyes roamed over her flat, refined by nature of its postcode but still scant compared with the opulence to which he was accustomed. The entirety of it amounted to his en-suite bathroom. Nevertheless, he broke the tension:
‘Nice place.’
Eve wanted to blurt it. Knew she shouldn’t.
‘Can I get you a drink?’
‘A beer would be good.’
She returned with the bottle, cracked the cap and sat down.
‘Look,’ Orlando said, joining her, ‘if this is about Angela I can’t help. I don’t know what she’s doing in Vegas and my father won’t tell us a damn thing. So if it’s that you want then you’ve come to the wrong—’
‘It isn’t.’ Eve waited until he had taken a sip of his beer, wiped his hand across his mouth and then she said: ‘Orlando, I’m pregnant.’
His expression didn’t change.
Eve remembered his teasing on the phone. What was the deal? Couldn’t it wait? He wasn’t planning to be in town for a couple of weeks, couldn’t she hold off having him till then? She would have to; she went in on the joke, acted like it was nothing but every hour since the news had been agony. She had consulted her GP and conception was cited as the New Year. That meant she was coming up for nine weeks.
Eve hadn’t thought anything when she’d skipped her first period—she had never been one of those women who could count it by the day.
‘Well?’ she ventured.
His face was steady and she wondered if this had happened to him before. What was earth-moving to her was another pain in the ass for him. That stung.
‘How?’ Orlando asked.
‘I’ve got a pretty good idea.’
He nicked his chin, the shadow of a beard. ‘We’ve always used protection.’
‘It can still happen.’
Eve looked down to her lap. She hated that she had to cut the apologetic figure. It wasn’t Orlando making her feel that way, just the role the woman had to fill. This was happening to her. It was her body and therefore her problem.
The chair scraped back. Orlando stood. ‘How long?’
‘Nearly three months.’
‘And you just found out?’
‘I did a test in Italy. I called you straight away. I wanted you to know but I felt it was important to tell you face to face.’
‘Why didn’t you do it sooner?’
She chose not to react against the note of accusation in his voice. He was in shock, just as she had been. Just as she still was.
‘First month it was nothing unusual. Second month, it was. That’s when I did the test. The weeks add up. So do the days. Every minute that passes …’
‘What next?’ He turned to the window, put his hands in his pockets. His back was taut, the muscles beneath his shirt strained. She wished she could tell what he was thinking, but at the same time dreaded it. Supposing he wanted to keep this baby?
Eve wasn’t ready to become a parent. Analysing it, she didn’t expect she would ever feel ready. Her own experience had been enough to put her off for life. Her father had been a terrible, violent man. All her memories were riddled with his vile disease.
Who was to say that Eve wouldn’t mess it up as spectacularly as he had? That the damage she had been subjected to wouldn’t be transferred to her own child?
Who could promise, really promise, that that wouldn’t happen?
She dreamed of her baby. It had the eyes of her father and she hated it on sight.
‘Do you want me to come with you?’ Orlando asked, turning to her.
At first she didn’t understand. Then, when she did, relief hit—but it was tinged with an unexpected shiver of resentment. He had assumed, albeit correctly, that she was set on abortion. Was she that obvious? Could he read it in her face?
‘No.’
‘Are you
