had done. Then his composure returned. ‘You seemed to enjoy it well enough at the time.’
‘Only because you tricked me,’ she said, blushing. ‘All I wanted from you was a kiss.’
And she had got one. But after? It was a lie to blame him for what they had done together. She could not quite remember how what had begun as an innocent kiss under the mistletoe had ended with him sprawled over her on the floor as she clung to him, begging for more. He had sworn that he would never leave her, if only she would give him the most precious of gifts. And she had said yes, without a moment’s hesitation.
‘What happened between us was not intentional, I assure you,’ he said with a wolfish grin. ‘I was as surprised as you by the way it ended.’
‘Which part?’ she asked with a sceptical grimace. ‘When you seduced me? Or when you abandoned me?’
‘Is that what you thought?’ he asked. Now he seemed honestly shocked by her interpretation of events.
‘You took my maidenhead and assured me that no harm would come of it. Then you left and I never saw or heard from you again until this night.’
For a moment, his face had no expression at all. Then his brows knit in honest confusion. ‘Your brother did not explain to you?’
‘He told me that you joined the army,’ she said, her voice breaking with the memory. She had not wanted to believe that he could be so cruel as to do so without as much as a goodbye. But as time had passed with no word from him, she had been forced to admit that it was true. ‘I waited for three weeks, terrified that I might be carrying a child whose father would not claim it.’
Now he looked as if he had been slapped. Had he not given a single thought to the consequences of his departure? Then his hands reached out to comfort her, only to drop as she stepped clear of them. ‘You have nothing to be concerned about,’ she said, though the fact should have been obvious by now. ‘You have no hidden bastards in this country, at least.’ Then she added, ‘That I know of. I have no idea how many other girls you might have left in a similar manner.’
‘I did not mean to leave you,’ he said. ‘I went to your brother as soon as we had parted. After what we had done, I thought a speedy marriage might be necessary.’
‘You told him?’ she said, mortified.
‘I would not be alive if I had. He would not have bothered with a duel. He would have shot me before I could finish my offer. And I would have most heartily deserved it.’
‘You offered for me?’ Now she was the one who was shocked.
He nodded. ‘I gave him no indication of what had happened. I simply told him that I had loved you since we were children and asked for your hand.’
‘And he refused you,’ she said, as suddenly everything became clear. ‘It is so nice to know, after all this time, that you intended to do your duty by me.’
‘It was not duty,’ he insisted. ‘It was...’ Then he stopped as if he could not quite manage to say the word ‘love’ a second time. It was just as well. They both knew it was far too late for such an admission.
‘Your reason for offering does not matter,’ she said brusquely. ‘Fred said nothing of meeting with you.’ But now, at least, she knew the subject of the argument that her brother had just recently admitted to and his desire to do right by Jack if the war had damaged his spirit.
‘He told me that you were too young and I was too irresponsible to take care of you,’ Jack replied.
‘I’d have run away with you, had you asked,’ she reminded him. An elopement would have proved her brother right. As time had passed, she had realised that neither of them had been ready for marriage. It was probably for the best he had left her. But that did not change how she’d felt, at the time.
‘Fred said I was too wild,’ he muttered, like the sullen boy he had been. ‘He did not trust me with you.’
‘It was a bit late for him to come to such a conclusion,’ she said with a laugh. ‘We had known each other all our lives and he had made no effort to keep me safe from you. In fact, he always thought your outrageous behaviour to be excellent fun.’
‘Not always,’ Jack said. ‘Apparently, such things are not nearly so amusing in a brother-in-law as they are in a friend.’ He scuffed the toe of his boot on the rug and she saw the other side of him, the handsome, young imp who had stolen her heart. Without meaning to, she put her hand out to touch his sleeve, then dropped it away again as she remembered the risk of getting too close to him.
‘But why did you leave me without explanation?’ she whispered.
‘You did not know that, either?’ He looked up at her sharply, surprised.
She shook her head.
‘I left him a letter to give to you. When I did not get an answer...’ His voice fell away just as her hand had earlier.
‘What did you say?’
‘That, if we did not marry, I could no longer trust myself in your presence.’ He thought for a moment. ‘Perhaps not the right words to leave in a missive that was probably read the moment I left the room. But I made no mention of what had gone before.’ He cleared his throat. ‘I made it very clear that I did not trust myself with you outside of the sanctity of marriage and that I meant to return, when you were older, and I had made my fortune, or at least after I could assure Fred that I had settled sufficiently to be worthy of you.’
She let out the breath she had been holding in a slow sigh.
‘I asked you to write to me, if you needed me,’ he said with a significant raise of an eyebrow. ‘And even if you did not, I begged you to tell me that you were willing to wait for me.’
‘I was angry that you’d left without word,’ she said.
‘So, of course, you did not write,’ he said with understanding, but no emotion at all.
‘But I did wait,’ she reminded him.
‘And I did not,’ he said gruffly. ‘I gave up hoping.’ The look he was giving her now said that the past was the past and that anything between them was finished.
But it didn’t have to be. If he wanted her, she was still free, as was he. For the first time in ages, hope fluttered in her breast and she imagined a future quite different from the orderly marriage and life of service that awaited her as a vicar’s wife.
It might hurt William’s pride, should she decide against him. But his wooing thus far had smacked of expediency, not ardour. His heart would be undamaged if she called an end to their courting. And hers would breathe a sigh of relief.
But the man in front of her seemed to have nothing more to say on the subject of love, either. Apparently, she would have to prod him to life. ‘These stories of the past are all very enlightening,’ she said. ‘But it is the present we must contend with. And the future,’ she added with significance.
‘Indeed,’ he agreed. ‘Your brother says you are near to making a match with Mr Thoroughgood.’
‘So it would appear,’ she agreed.
