stared at her. She had to admit that all that intensity was a little unnerving. That stomach-clenching thing returned and with it the smallest hint of pressure between her thighs.
She shifted on her seat.
Uncomfortable with the silence and her physical reaction to Clay, she found herself entering dangerous territory. That of speaking without thinking.
“The thing is,” she told him, “if you want people to take you seriously, you have to take yourself seriously first. Agreeing to do the calendar yourself reinforces the stereotype. You’re more than what they think you are. It’s a cliché but you’re going to have to work harder to prove yourself. It’s a very strange kind of discrimination.”
One she’d seen with her mother. People reacted to Dominique first because of how she looked and later because of who she was. Charlie had also seen the dark side of being judged on physical appearance. Most strangers staring at her with a “Really? You’re her daughter?” look in their eyes.
Clay leaned back in the booth and swore softly. “You’re right.”
She blinked. “I am?”
“Yes. About all of it. I’ve had a manager taking care of the crap in my life for the past ten years. I’ve gotten lazy about taking responsibility for what I’m doing. Thank you for being honest.”
“It’s what I do best. Say what’s on my mind. Give me thirty years and I’ll turn into Wilma.”
He gave her a slow, sexy smile. One that nearly turned her tummy upside down. “There are worse fates.”
She grabbed her drink and gulped down some soda.
He leaned toward her again. “I’m going to call some guys I know about the calendar. I don’t know how to fix things with the city council, but I can solve that problem, too.”
“You might wait a little on the town issue. Mayor Marsha has a way of smoothing things out. I’m sure she’s pleased by your Haycation idea.”
He was staring at her again. As they hadn’t eaten yet, she was fairly confident she didn’t have anything in her teeth.
“What?” she asked after a couple of seconds.
“I just keep thinking that somebody I knew would have liked you.” His expression turned serious. Almost sad.
Charlie felt the stomach clench again, but this time for a totally different reason. “Your girlfriend?” The one he’d left behind in New York and missed desperately?
“My late wife.”
“You were married?”
The words burst out before she could stop them.
“Not a tabloid reader, huh?”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so shocked. You just don’t seem like the marrying kind.”
She groaned and slapped her hand across her mouth.
He stretched out his arm and pulled her hand away. “It’s okay. You can say what you think. I won’t be offended.”
Wilma appeared with lunch. Charlie grabbed a French fry, thinking that maybe her blurting problem was because of low blood sugar. Perhaps in addition to food, the best solution would be not talking so much.
“Tell me about her,” she said, then reached for the first half of her wrap.
He picked up a French fry, then put it down. She could practically see the tension leaving his body as he relaxed. Something she wanted to call contentment softened the sadness in his eyes.
“She was brilliant and funny,” he began. “A photographer.” The smile returned. “She hated models, especially male models. She used to say we were all vapid and useless.” His smile broadened. “We met at a party and she was not into me.”
Charlie chewed and swallowed. “I would have liked her.”
He chuckled. “She would have liked you. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I was twenty...she was thirty-four and when I asked her out, she laughed for a good two minutes straight. I got her number through a friend of mine and wouldn’t stop calling. She finally agreed to meet me for coffee, but only so she could tell me all the reasons it would never work.”
She heard the affection in his voice, saw the pleasure he took in the remembering. Lately her friends had been busy falling in love, so she recognized the symptoms.
“I convinced her to give me a chance at a real date. She surprised both of us by agreeing. At the end of that first night, I was completely in love with her. It hit me like lightning. It took her a lot longer to come around.”
“The fourteen-year age difference would be difficult for most women,” Charlie said. “It’s stupid, but it’s been pounded into us that the guy should be older.”
He nodded. “She had trouble with the age difference, with the fact that I was so young, my career. But I was determined to win her.” He paused. “I proposed six times before she said yes. We were married within a week. I didn’t want her to change her mind.”
Charlie laughed. “A man with a plan.”
“I wasn’t the only one. Diane talked to me about my future. She pointed out I couldn’t be a model forever. She’s the one who suggested I go to college. Think about my future.” His smile faded. “She was killed five years ago in a car accident. I was on a shoot when I got the call. She was a force of nature and then she was just...gone. I never got to say goodbye.”
“I’m sorry.” Charlie put down the second half of her wrap.
“Thanks. I still miss her. The pain is different now. Not so sharp. But it’s still there. She was the best thing to ever happen to me.”
Charlie knew better than to offer some stupid promise that things would get better, or that he would be fine. Sometimes a person simply had to sit with the pain and deal. That was probably healthier than what she’d done, which was try to pretend it had never happened.
While loss and betrayal were different, they both left scars.
Clay picked up his wrap. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to get into all that with you.”
“I’m happy to listen.”
Maybe it was an illustration of how twisted she’d become, but she almost envied Clay. At least he’d loved once. She never had and wasn’t sure she wanted to. Loving someone meant engaging in a level of trust she wasn’t comfortable with. But belonging like that sure sounded nice.
“Part of the reason I wanted to settle here when I retired was to be near my family,” Clay said. “In the past couple of years, I’ve wanted to be closer to them.”
Charlie couldn’t help grinning. “Retired? You’re what? Thirty?” She grabbed a fry then held it up in the air. “I know, I know. Being a butt model is a young man’s game. You told me.”
“Beauty fades.”
