is coming home for the Easter holidays. The house has been so happy these last few months without him that I feel my stomach filling with butterflies at the thought of it. I have been able to practise my reading and writing in the schoolroom in solitude.
Lady Hannah came in one day when I was writing and told me that I was creating memories for the days when I am older and my memory may not serve me as well as it does now. I try to write every day but there is so much to do around this big house that I sometimes forget.
Today I feel as if a black cloud is descending upon me. I am so scared of Edward and what he may have been dreaming of to do to me whilst in London that I am finding it hard to concentrate on anything. I know that I am being foolish thinking this way and that Lady Hannah would not stand back and let him treat me so cruelly but she is not always around and his Lordship is far too busy with work to notice what goes on in this house. I will just have to do my best to keep out of his way and hope for the best. I would tell Alfie how I feel but I fear he would step in to defend me and then he would lose his position in the house and also his home and I do not want anyone to suffer because of me. I know that Alfie likes me a lot, more than just as a friend, because he stole a kiss from me two days ago out in the woodshed, when he was helping me carry wood in for the fire. I pretended to be angry and pushed him away but I was not really and I think he knows this because he grinned at me and winked.
8th April 1887
So far Edward has been very polite and courteous towards me. He has not hidden in any dark corners to jump out and scare me yet. I think that London is changing him for the best. There must be lots of young ladies he can be mean to in the city. He has taken to wearing smart suits with a clean pressed handkerchief tucked into his pocket. Alfie told me that Edward insists on a clean one every day and he had to go into town to purchase some more to make sure Edward did not run out on his visit home.
Today I had to clean out all the fire grates. His Lordship took Edward to the town hall to a meeting today leaving Alfie at a loose end. Harold told him he could help me. Alfie entertained me with tales of his family, which is huge: he has three sisters and two brothers. How I laughed when he told me of the mischief they all got into. He is very lucky, although he thought not and said he was so glad to escape from them when he got his job working here.
There was just mother and me until she died and she was always so busy we never got to spend much time together. I miss her so much and I often wonder what it would have been like not to have been an only child. I like Alfie very much. He is such a good friend to me. He has the palest blue eyes, which crinkle when he laughs, and a head full of wavy, blonde hair.
By the time we had cleaned the last grate we looked like a pair of chimney sweeps and Cook ordered us to get washed and changed before her Ladyship caught sight of the pair of us and screamed with fright. Alfie nudged me in the side and we dashed up the servants stairs up to our quarters. Edward must have come back early because he was stood loitering at the top of the stairs and he glared at Alfie who put his head down and excused himself. I continued walking up the stairs afraid that he would follow me but he didn’t. I have no idea why he would be waiting around on our cramped staircase when he has the grand staircase at the front of the house to go up and down on. I have a horrible feeling that he was spying on me but maybe I am just being foolish.
12th April 1887
The house was empty this evening. Lord and Lady Heaton have gone to a party and we have all been given the night off. Cook and Millie have gone to visit old Mrs Blackley, who is very poorly. She used to work here before her retirement. Harold has taken them in the horse and trap and then he is going to meet Alfie at the tavern for a while before picking them back up again.
Alfie asked me if I wanted to go but the tavern is not the most suitable place for a young lady. I would be frowned upon by all within if I set foot in there. Cook wanted me to go with her and Millie but I could not face another dying person so soon after my own mother. I told her I felt ill and wanted to retire early. I ran up the grand staircase to turn her Ladyship’s bed down and passed Edward on the first floor landing. He looked so dashing and handsome dressed in his best to go to the dance. He stared at me with his cold, black eyes but he carried on walking and I lowered my head. He ran along to the stairs and I found myself watching him through the balustrade, he looked up to where I was standing and fixed his cold eyes on me. My heart missed a beat and I was so scared because I remembered there was only me and him left in the house. He then lifted his hand to his lips and blew me a kiss. I was so horrified that I ran straight up to my room and shut the door, my cheeks burning bright with shame and, as much as I hate to admit it, I think I felt something other than hatred towards him because my stomach churned with butterflies at the thought of him blowing me a kiss.
It is my birthday tomorrow and I will be sixteen years old. I was nine when I first came to this house with my mother when she was offered the position of housekeeper. Tomorrow I will have no one to celebrate it with but it does not matter. I must remember I could be in a much worse place than Abbey Wood.
13th April 1887
I was awakened in the night by a stifled scream from outside my bedroom window. I got out of bed to look and see where it had come from. In the darkness I could make out two figures under the huge oak tree. I recognised Edward immediately. All the years I have spent hiding from him, I would know his silhouette anywhere. The other was a girl and I watched horrified as he pushed her to the ground, her petticoats and skirts tangled beneath her. I watched Edward lift his hand and strike her cruelly across the face and I whimpered out loud. He straddled her and turned to look directly up at my small attic bedroom window. I am positive he was smiling, as if he knew I was watching.
I should have run to awaken his Lordship. The girl was no longer struggling and lay still beneath him. Instead like a coward I ran to my bed and pulled the covers over my head. I was too afraid to move. I have heard about the things men and women get up to from Alfie so maybe Edward is in love with this girl. I tried not to remind myself that if you truly loved someone then you would not strike them. There were no more screams from outside and I stayed under my covers praying that Edward would not come looking for me.
In the morning there was no sign of Edward as breakfast was served and Alfie was sent up to his room with a tray. No one else said anything about what had happened last night so I kept quiet and made myself busy as far away from Edward’s room as possible. I could not stop thinking about the woman and what had happened to her but I did not dare to ask anyone. I hope that she is safe somewhere but I know she has come to great harm. I would not dare to speak this out loud for fear of upsetting Lady Hannah or causing Cook to gossip.
It was intriguing. The handwriting was hard to understand at times and as much as she wanted to keep reading, concentrating so much was giving Annie a headache. Rain trickled down the kitchen window and Tess looked at her and whined.
‘It’s miserable out there, Tess, but I don’t mind if you don’t, and we may still be able to catch up with Jake. Who’s a clever girl?’ Annie bent down and scratched behind Tess’s ears making her so excited that her tail began to thump against everything. Putting on one of the many waterproof jackets that were hanging on the coat rack and pulling on a pair of too big wellies, they set off into the woods.
She spotted flashes of dayglo yellow through the trees and headed in that direction, taking the path that skirted around the outside of the old house. She would never go back in there on her own; not after today. There was no rational explanation for what she had experienced earlier, but it had been so real.
It niggled
