what it was like to have a mother who was there every minute of the day when I needed her and who even gave me a brother.’
‘Sean. Of course. You loved Maria. Didn’t you?’
‘Adored her. Oh, I knew that I had a real mother. At birthdays and Christmas the house used to be full of Adele Forrester and her friends and extended family who used to descend like a whirlwind then disappear again for another six months leaving chaos behind them. But that was the way Maria and my dad liked it. Open house. Maria was a very special person and Sean was great. I had a family who were willing to put up with a very confused teenager and help him make some sense of his life and what he wanted to do with it. It was all good. It was too good.’
Rob flicked his arm out in a wide arc towards the trees.
‘And then it was all taken away from me. And I went off the rails. Big time.’
‘Maria. Of course. I am so sorry. Sean told Dee that she had died when he was young.’
‘Unfair. So very, very unfair. One day when Sean is a lot older you might want to ask him about his mother’s life as a refugee fleeing war and destruction. Only to die of cancer in a country where she thought she was safe with a family she loved and loved her right back in return. Because I can’t talk about it without wanting to hit something very hard.’
Rob reached out and nipped off a large leaf from the bush growing behind their heads and slowly tore it into segments with his long, clever fingers as he spoke.
‘You want to know about my skeletons? I was seventeen years old, I had plenty of money and a driving licence, and enough fury and anger in my belly to burn down most of London. And that is precisely what I tried to do. I had grown up in this city and knew precisely where to find trouble and distraction in any shape or form. Drink, girls, gambling, and the kind of people my dad would throw out of his hotel. The whole package. Sometimes I got away with it by being smarter and faster than the other guy. Sometimes I didn’t and I have a police record to prove it. And a few broken bones along the way. My nose was a different shape then.’
‘What did your dad do? He must have been frantic and scared for you.’
‘The best he could. He was grieving and lost. Sean was desolate. And I was out of control and heading downhill faster than he could apply the brakes.’
‘How did you pull back from that life to find your way to catering college?’
‘The hard way. I woke up one morning in the bed of a girl whose name I couldn’t even recall and I must have had twenty messages on my mobile phone. All asking me to get back to the house. My mum had got herself into a mess in Thailand. And I mean a mess. Three hours later I was on a plane to Bangkok.’
Rob exhaled long and slow. ‘I had heard the words nervous breakdown but nothing could have prepared me for the emotional wreck I found in a Bangkok psychiatric unit. Her latest lover had stolen everything she had and left her broke and alone in the middle of nowhere. It wasn’t the first time that had happened but this was the worst. But she was lucky. One of the other artists on the retreat was worried about her and sent out a search party. They found her on the beach the next day. Crying. Distraught. Irrational and terrified of anyone touching her or coming near her. It was one of the worst twenty-four hours of my life.’
‘Oh, Rob. That’s horrific. For both of you.’
‘I made her a deal. It was very simple. I promised that if she came back to London with me and got some medical help for her problems, then I would take care of her. I would go to college and get the qualifications I needed to run the hotel kitchens. Sober and clean, a hardworking little drone. And that is what I did. I poured all of that bitter anger and fury at Maria’s death into my work.’
The shredded pieces of leaf fluttered through the air.
‘That’s why I am not surprised people found me scary. I was so desperate to prove that I could achieve something that I refused to allow anything or anyone get in my way. Relentless is actually not a bad description.’
‘Did she agree? I mean, did she come back from Thailand with you?’
‘My mum went into the best rehab unit money could buy and I already knew that she was going to be there a long time. My dad was going to see her when he could get away from the hotel business and Sean went along when the unit said that she was stable enough to cope. But apart from that it was just the two of us against the world. I thought that was going to be enough to get her through this dark time in her life and magically turn her back to the lovely mum I used to know and everything would be back to normal again.’
Rob shrugged. ‘I was so naïve about mental illness. So wrong. Badly wrong. Things have never been the same. Oh, she can go for a year or eighteen months without a major episode, and then she will fall for some hotshot man and life will be wonderful—until it isn’t. And I have to pick up the pieces and start all over again.’
Lottie hesitated before replying. ‘The other night at the gallery. Was that what you were worried about? That it was all too much for her and she would have a relapse?’
‘No. I was far more worried about what the killer combo of cold remedies and champagne would look like to the real critics who were standing outside with their cameras. A good news story about an artist who has come back after eight years with a wonderful inspirational show does not sell. But give them Rob Beresford’s rehab-refugee mother? Oh, yes. Let’s just say that I was tired of giving them what they want.’
Her fingers slid across the bench and found his. ‘Then Adele is very lucky to have a son like you to protect her.’
‘Is she? I haven’t always been there for her, Lottie. Not by a long way. I had replaced her in my life with Sean’s mother at the very time she needed me as a son. And that sort of guilt does not go away easily.’
‘But you kept that promise. That means a lot in my book.’
Her own eyes pricked with tears, and she laced her fingers between his, forcing apart his fingers, which had tightened into a ball.
Her touch acted like a catalyst, and he ripped his eyes away from the park and focused on her face as his fingers relaxed and squeezed hers back, leaving it to Lottie to break the silence.
Lottie stopped and turned so that she was facing Rob. ‘I have an idea. And you can tell me to mind my own business, but here goes.’
She took a breath. ‘I can see that you want to help your mum become the best she can be. I want to help. She is a remarkable artist and I adore her work. If you like, she can use my studio any time she wants when you are in London together. Room service, accommodation and as much lemon drizzle cake as she can eat, courtesy of the management.’
She clenched her teeth and pretended to duck. ‘What do you think?’
Rob looked into her face for a few seconds, before replying in a low intense voice.
‘You would do that? For us?’
‘In a heartbeat, yes.’
His reply was to take a firmer grip of her hand as he rose slowly to his feet.
‘Thank you, Lottie. Yes. I think that she would like that very much. Although I should warn you, for a skinny artist that woman can eat a hell of a lot of cake.’
Lottie
