know that.” She felt her regrets deeply. She was disappointing him, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted J.C. more than she wanted to go on living. “I love him, Daddy,” she said simply.
“I know that, too.”
“It will be all right,” she said. She only wished that she could believe that.
She fed Big Tom, who rolled around her ankles with such fervor that she laughed, picked him up and kissed him before she left.
* * *
THE CASINO WAS big and noisy. The place was run by the Eastern Shoshone tribe, and it was a huge boon to the economy of the Native people. Located near Lander, and the Wind River Range, the view must have been spectacular. It was dark by the time J.C. and Colie arrived, but the beautiful, colorful glitter of lights out front lessened her disappointment in not getting to see the view.
“It’s so...glittery,” she enthused, holding tight to J.C.’s hand as they walked around the huge room.
“I can see the wheels turning in your head,” he teased. “Sinful gaming! I expect your father had a lot to say about this trip.”
“Enough,” she confided. “But it’s my life. I have to make my own choices.”
He glanced down at her. He did feel a pang of regret. She was so sheltered, in so many ways. She didn’t live in the real world, in his world.
She looked up in time to catch that expression. She wrinkled her nose. “Don’t look so guilty. You’re not leading me astray.”
“Feels that way,” he said softly. He searched her soft green eyes and felt a shock of pleasure all the way down to his toes. He smiled reluctantly. “On the other hand, maybe you’re leading me astray,” he mused. “I don’t like attachments.”
“I’ll never send you an email that has any,” she promised.
He chuckled and pressed her hand tight. “Torment.”
“I brought five dollars,” she said, glancing around. “Let’s see how long it lasts!”
He was privately of the opinion that she’d lose it in the first three minutes, but he only nodded.
* * *
AN HOUR LATER, she was still playing.
“This has to be some sort of record,” he said when the fruits lined up on the screen for her.
“I’m lucky,” she said, distracted. She glanced up at him. “Otherwise, I’d never be here with you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re gorgeous, J.C.,” she said softly, and her eyes echoed it. “You could have any woman you wanted, but you’re going around with me.”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Everything,” she said miserably. “I’m not pretty.”
He scowled. “Of course you’re pretty,” he said curtly. “You have wonderful qualities. You’re kind and sweet and you never complain, even when you should.”
She flushed.
“I mean that,” he added, sketching her face. “You remind me of my mother, in a way. She had that incurable optimism.” His face hardened. “She was almost too kind and forgiving.”
She wanted so badly to ask what had happened to his mother, but the machine sang out and she laughed and threw up her hands. “Look! I won again!”
He glanced at his watch. “And I hate to break this up, but it’s a long drive home. Your father won’t appreciate it if I get you home in the wee hours of the morning. I’ve probably gotten you in enough trouble, just bringing you here.”
She stood up. “It was my choice, too,” she told him. “Daddy doesn’t interfere. He counsels, which is a different thing.”
He drew in a long breath. “We come from very different backgrounds,” he said after a minute.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It might, one day,” he replied. His eyes narrowed. “I don’t want to get mixed up with you.”
“Gee, thanks, I like you, too,” she mused.
“I wish I could just walk away,” he said huskily. He touched her face with long, gentle fingers. “I can’t.”
Her heart jumped up into her throat. It was the most encouraging thing he’d said to her so far.
“You may wish that I had, Colie,” he said quietly. “I meant what I said. I’m not interested in white picket fences and babies.”
“You said that before. I’m not trying to change you, J.C. You really can’t change people,” she added.
“That’s my point.”
She just stared at him, so much in love that she wondered if her feet were really touching the floor as she met his searching gaze and felt her breath suspended as her heart ran wild.
He ground his teeth together. “We should go. Let’s collect your winnings and call it a night.”
She was delighted with her small win. It was only about a month’s salary, but it would help catch up on some bills and let her add a few minutes a month to her phone messaging.
She said so.
J.C., who had money stashed away in offshore accounts as well as his local bank, frowned.
She saw the look. “I make a nice salary, but it doesn’t go very far,” she told him. “I help with the bills and I pay for my cell phone. It’s not top of the line, but it has a few features. I pay for gas for my old truck that has mechanical issues every other week. I pay for the internet because I’m the one who uses it, mostly. Rod helps, because he games. He does love his console life.”
“He always liked gaming,” he replied. He didn’t tell her that Rodney had changed a lot with his overseas duty. That happened to men who were raised with solid beliefs. It was challenging to retain them when you saw so much death and torture in the military.
“What are you thinking about so hard?” she wondered as they drove back home down snow-lined roads toward Catelow.
“I was remembering my service overseas, with Rod,” he said. “It isn’t something I talk about. I don’t imagine Rod shared any of it with you, either.”
“Not really. He had nightmares when he first came home. He didn’t say why. He and Daddy talked about it, but not in front of me.” She glanced at him. “Daddy fought in the first Gulf War,” she added. “He was a chaplain, but he was on the front lines.”
“That must have been hard on him,” he said.
“Very hard. He said it challenged his faith, seeing the misery of the people
