… ’ Eddie sings, doing a lasso movement in the air and shaking his hips in proper gangnam style. Pussy is tucked under his free arm and she’s wearing a Wonder Woman outfit complete with tiny red cape. I stroke her ear and she nuzzles into the palm of my hand as Eddie leans down to kiss my cheek.
‘Thank you,’ I say, doing a quick swing of my hair.
‘Oooh, get you, very red carpet and swishy. Has Kelly forgotten that we’re inside a department store located in a dull little seaside town?’ he sniffs, giving Pussy a treat from a tiny plastic barrel attached to her lead.
‘Maybe, but I’m not complaining.’ I grin and turn back to face the mirror.
‘Good. So no more tantrums about being a dramality star.’ He squeezes my shoulder and smiles over my head in the mirror.
‘Who, me?’ I laugh, waving a hand in the air as if to shoo him away. And Mulberry-On-Sea isn’t dull.’ I pull a pretend indignant face. I love living here.
‘Ha-ha. Well, it’s hardly Hollywood now, is it?’ Eddie quips. ‘Anyway, what do you think of my look? Dapper and debonair, yes?’ He does a twirl to show off another new suit. ‘Ciaran reckons I look like Gary Barlow channelling lord of the manor at Glastonbury. In the VIP area, obvs – I don’t do mud.’ He curls his top lip.
‘Hmm,’ I nod. ‘Well I can see why Ciaran thinks that. You look very suave in tweed, but are those green Hunter wellies really necessary?’ Eddie pulls a face. ‘Don’t suppose you’ve heard from Tom yet?’ I add, changing the subject.
‘No sugar. Like I said when you asked me yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that, only emails – work-related ones. And no, I can’t ask why he hasn’t been in contact with you. More than my job’s worth. He made it very clear after that time you asked me to find out about his favourite aftershave, right at the start when you wanted to get him a little present. He was very insistent on the importance of our relationship remaining professional. I’m his BA, not his GBF.’ Eddie rolls his eyes. ‘And y’all know how gloriously masterful and proper he can be,’ he adds in an American accent as he flings the back of his left hand against his forehead like a lovestruck Southern belle in a back-and-white movie epic.
‘Hmm. Well you must at least know when he’s coming back. As his BA, won’t you have booked the flight?’ I say, giving my hair a quick pat.
‘Oh no, KCTV take care of all that now. And with Tom away, I’m to be Kelly’s go-to man while they’re filming instore, so I’ll be cutting back on my Carrington’s work – Kelly needs me more.’ He pauses to preen for a bit.
‘I see.’
‘He did mention that he was hoping to be back in a week or two, though.’ My heart sinks at this news. I’ve really missed Tom and it’s only been five days since I last saw him. I can’t imagine another week, or possibly two, without him. ‘But it depends – he’s hoping to get his filming in the can, as it were up front. The plan is to then spread his scenes out over all of the weekly episodes, so the viewers think he’s travelling for the duration of the series. I heard Kelly chatting about it to one of her flunkies.’
‘Oh right.’ But before I can probe him further, Zara appears by the clothes rail, wearing a brown peplum dress. Eddie swivels his head to follow my eye line.
‘Ew, what’s she come as? A pork pie!’ he blurts out, before helping himself to a croissant. He pulls one claw off and stuffs it into his mouth.
‘Eddie! Whisper voice, she might hear you,’ I say, not wanting to antagonise her. She already hates me. The ghastly image from the internet, of her draped all over Tom, flashes inside my head, followed by an overwhelming sense of relief – at least she’s still here and not in Paris! Small mercies, and all that, I suppose.
‘Good,’ he huffs, before giving Pussy a tiny bite of his croissant. ‘That girl is driving me insane.’
‘Why? What’s she done?’ I crease my forehead.
‘What hasn’t she done, more like? Parading around the executive floor with her Swarovski-encrusted mobile welded to her ear while I do all the work running after Kelly and her entourage. Not that I mind, of course, Kelly is a proper ledge, but honestly – comes to something when her own daughter can’t even be bothered to pick out a Christmas present for her. Had me calling all over the place in search of something suitable for a “mean old mare” – her words, not mine.’
‘Ahh, such a shame,’ I say, thinking how exciting it would be to be able to go Christmas shopping for Mum. She loved all the build-up, marking off the days on her kitchen calendar, and she always got teary on opening her present from me. I make a note to visit her grave soon; perhaps Dad and I could go together. I’d like that.
‘Oh purlease, cry me a fucking river. That girl is up to something, I’m convinced of it.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean, numerous international calls from the landline in Tom’s office. The bill arrived on Friday and it was nearly treble what it usually is. Flaming cheek, and it’s not like she’s so hard up for cash that she can’t afford to pay for her own personal phone calls. Kelly gave her two thousand pounds the other day, in fifties. Just like that!’ He clicks his fingers in the air. ‘All because she wanted to pamper herself ahead of today’s filming. Excuse me! But where do you know around here that charges money like that for a mani and pedi with a bit of a shoulder rub thrown in? Nowhere, that’s where! I mean, what are they using? Crushed diamond dust!’ Eddie flops down in the chair next to me. I try not to laugh at his indignation as he plonks Pussy on my lap and leans forward to inspect his teeth in the mirror.
‘Uh-oh, here she comes.’ Eddie elbows me and then jumps up and smoothes down his suit jacket.
‘There you are! Eddie, sweetheart, I’ve been looking all over for you.’ Zara flashes her perfect white veneers. ‘What are you two talking about?’ she adds, running a finger along the table in front of me.
‘Oh, we were just saying how fabulous you look and how exciting today is going to be, weren’t we Georgie?’ Eddie kisses the air either side of Zara’s head, which she reciprocates, while I cough as her flirty sweet Clive Christian perfume catches in my throat.
‘Err, yes. That’s right,’ I say, recovering quickly and flashing big eyes in Eddie’s direction when Zara isn’t looking.
‘Well, don’t get too excited. We’re going to be focusing on highlighting your inadequacies today,’ she says, inspecting her immaculately manicured nails and flashing me a look.
‘Oh?’ I stand up, so I’m operating from the same level as her, and hand Pussy back to Eddie.
‘Yes. That’s right. The board of directors asked KCTV to help you up your game, remember? So naturally we have to show the viewers that it needs upping in the first place, obviously. You’re going to be dealing with a customer complaint.’ Zara points at me. ‘And you, darling,’ she pauses to flutter her extra-long eyelashes at Eddie, ‘well, you and the dog are going to be showing off the new pet spa.’ She runs an index finger down Eddie’s lapel.
‘Fabulous. Kelly did mention it, hence the boots.’ Eddie grins, twirling a welly-clad foot in the air. ‘Can get very mucky in there with all that sluicing going on,’ he adds, lowering his voice and pulling an exaggerated grimace. Zara does a tinkly laugh before shaking
