realise it yet. She would live with her decision,. If the Captain couldn’t deal with it, then that was his choice. He could die, just not today, and not on her watch.
‘Patients change their mind. Do you want to be responsible for a death that could have been prevented? Abby, please – charge!’ Kate looked at the nurse, feeling the sweat drip down her spine inside her scrubs. She was terrified, but she just couldn’t let him go out like this. Her mind was set. Abby looked at her and the others around them, and shaking her head, she clicked a button.
The beeping noise told Kate the unit was charged.
‘Clear!’ she shouted, shocking the Captain again. His body jerked and his eyes fluttered. She looked desperately at the monitor. Nothing. Nothing on the screen but a line, and a beep heralding the call of the end. Nothing, nothing, then a beat, beat, beat. The pixels on the screen danced across, levelling into a pattern. The prettiest pattern Dr Harper had ever seen.
‘We have him back,’ she said, putting the paddles away. ‘Gown me up,’ she ordered.
Abby looked at the other nurses, no one moving. Kate’s eyes whipped around her colleagues. ‘Did you hear me? Let’s get him under, and gown me up!’
Abby shook her head. ‘It’s against patient wishes. It’s one thing bringing him back once, but this … I can’t.’
Kate glared at her. ‘This man ran across a battle zone to save his colleagues. We can’t let him die like this. If you won’t help, then go!’ she screamed.
The staff all looked at each other, and seconds later, the bed was the centre of a whirlwind of medical professionals. ‘I need a bone saw and a ten blade, now.’
Abby nodded, running to the sterile equipment store and grappling for implements with shaky hands. Kate snipped away the bandages, another nurse prepping the surgical field, and a doctor worked on anaesthetising the Captain.
Moments later, someone passed the blade to her. She took a deep breath, looking at Cooper’s unconscious face, and made the first cut.
Please forgive me.
Cooper
I dreamt I was running across the dust, bullets whizzing past my ear as I raced for shelter, my gun tight to my side. The radio was buzzing in my jacket, shouting my name. ‘Cooper, Cooper, come in.’
Around me, the crumbling buildings fell apart, destroyed by shells and the anger of men. The ground was unsafe, potholes forming before my eyes, rocks shooting up like newly erected buildings. The radio voice kept insisting I move. Keep moving, don’t stop, or you’ll be no more.
I kept running, boots clicking on stones and rubble, sinking into puddles of blood, pieces of the buildings around me laying at my head like rose petals as I literally ran for my life. The noise in the radio changed. This one was female, strong, anguished.
‘Cooper, you have to fight. Cooper, you have to live. Wake up Cooper, wake up …’
I jumped as a pain shot through my lower body. My eyes snapped open, and I realised I was in the same tent, the same bed. It had been a nightmare. I could feel the sweat dripping down my forehead, I was drenched. The bed sheets felt wet, sticky to the touch. I flexed my fingers, testing out how my body was holding up. My right hand felt heavy, and I could feel warm, soft skin against mine. I smiled despite myself, and opening my eyes, saw Kate asleep in the chair, hand wrapped around mine. I pushed away the warm fuzzies I felt at waking up again with this woman holding my hand. She wasn’t so bloody cute when she was awake. My whole body felt sluggish, achy and my legs were killing me, a dull but insistent pain running through them. I squeezed her hand, running my fingers along her wedding bands. I wonder what sort of guy had this woman’s heart. Another doctor, probably, as driven and stubborn as her. I wondered whether it was the other doctor I met. I had sensed an awkward kind of closeness between them. She squeezed my hand back, and when I looked at her, her blue eyes were looking straight into mine.
‘Morning Missy,’ I said weakly, my voice coming out as a rasp. ‘Did I oversleep?’
She didn’t acknowledge my attempt at humour, and suddenly the blood froze in my veins.
‘This is it then, yeah?’ I asked. ‘How long have I got?’
She leaned forward, the dark circles under her eyes giving her a haunted look under the dimmed strip lighting in the tent. ‘Your organs started to shut down, and your heart stopped.’
I frowned. ‘So how am I talking to you?’
Kate looked away from me, and I tried to sit up. She placed her other hand on my chest, stilling me.
‘No, please, don’t try to move.’
I looked at her again, and I knew. I reached for the sheet, and pulled it back. She said nothing, standing and helping me to pull the cover down slowly. My right leg was still bandaged up, my toes poking out of the end, but my left leg looked different. My brain seemed to short out a second, and I wiggled my toes. Wiggled them again. My brain told me that I had just wiggled ten toes, but my eyes told me different. On my left leg, where my toes should have been, there was just the expanse of the bed. My leg was bandaged, and stopped just below where my knee should be. I became aware of a high-pitched gurgle, an unholy sound, and I looked from my legs to Kate and then around the room, searching for the source of the noise.
Kate touched my face, cupping my cheeks between her hands, and turned me to face her. ‘I am so sorry, Captain. I am so sorry. You need to stay calm, your stitches are still fresh.’
It was then that I realised that the noise was coming from me, but I still couldn’t stop it. It was like my soul was ripping itself in two, and I laid back against the covers as my head swam.
Looking down at my legs again, I closed my eyes tight.
‘Put the cover back,’ I begged. Kate wrapped me up again, checking the monitor, her face a mask of stricken pain.
‘Do you need more pain relief?’ she asked softly. I nodded, and she turned to the fluid bag my IV drip was connected to.
I looked up at the ceiling, not wanting to catch sight of my broken body under the sheets.
Kate took a seat in the chair beside me, and I turned my head to look at her. Her face soothed me, and I didn’t have the strength to unpick at the whys and wherefores in that moment.
‘You were crashing, so I made a call. You didn’t make it, we had to revive you twice. I had no choice, you must know that.’
I felt as though she had slapped me. ‘You took my leg?’ I said gruffly.
I watched tears spring into her eyes, and she swallowed hard, blinking rapidly. A single tear escaped from her eye and ran down her cheek, and she wiped at it quickly, erasing the evidence.
‘Yes, I did.’
I nodded. The drugs started to kick in again, the pain in my body numbing. I didn’t try to fight the sleep that was coming, it felt like sweet oblivion was sweeping in to take me away, and I welcomed it. I whispered something, my voice giving out, and Kate leaned closer, her ear hovering
