It hadn’t been planned. Izzy had just needed to be with someone who cared about her. Through the tears and shared stories of heartbreak they’d found themselves kissing and searching for some feeling of peace. She didn’t regret anything. It had been a beautifully raw expression of their affection and compassion for one another. They simply should have taken adequate precautions for their evening as friends with benefits.
‘Let me get the paperwork out of the way and we’ll head to the pub before you get hangry. I know what you’re like when you’re so hungry you turn into a red-headed hulk.’
If she’d had any doubts that he only saw her as a mate, they vanished. She was so completely friend zoned he didn’t expect her to take offence at that comment.
‘Do not,’ she huffed, regardless she knew very well her fiery temper reached boiling point when there was a lack of food close to hand. He hadn’t drawn a pretty picture of her when she’d created a sexy centrefold out of him. ‘I’m not keen on the pub idea either.’
She worried he’d be suspicious if she sat in the bar nursing an orange juice instead of her usual glass of wine.
‘Dinner at that new Italian place, then? Although it’ll probably mean having to go home and get changed first. I’m not sure sweaty work clothes will fit their dress code.’ He was being unnecessarily concerned. Cal always managed to smell amazing no matter how stressful their shift proved or how energetic he’d been.
‘Hmm, I fancy something stodgy and greasy.’ She didn’t.
‘I’ll die of starvation if you make me go home first.’ She wouldn’t. However, if they went to that posh place and Cal changed the habit of a lifetime by not offering to pay the entire bill she’d be mortified because she couldn’t afford it.
Even before she’d discovered there’d be a new mouth to feed in the future, she’d been struggling to cover the bills. Gerry had never officially moved in, but he’d used her place as a base when not travelling around the country as a pharmaceutical rep. It wasn’t that she was missing his financial contributions to household expenses, quite the opposite. He was the reason she had no savings left to furnish her nest now.
She’d invited him into her heart and her home without the knowledge of his gambling habits. Gerry had had no family or friends either to call on for help and the cost of his funeral on top of his other financial mismanagement meant money was tight for her and nothing short of a miracle would change that now. Wages would have to stretch as far as possible and that would mean cutting back on luxuries like fancy Italian restaurants or any sort of social life.
Izzy should have known better than to think she was sitting pretty at any stage of her life and keep herself protected. Being a kid bounced around the care system had taught her never to rely on anyone except herself and never to let her guard down. Once too often she’d imagined she’d found her forever home, only to be returned like an ill-fitting shirt. Too young, too old, too opinionated, too red, she’d been a nineties Anne Shirley, without the lovable Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert giving her a happy ending at Green Gables.
Meals and board had been provided along with whatever basic material possessions she’d needed, but that all-important element had been missing, as it had for most of her life. Love wasn’t something given or received easily for her, even with Gerry.
It had been a slow burn for them but eventually she’d learned to trust, to open up her heart and believe him when he’d promised her a future and a family together.
Even though Cal knew about Gerry’s betrayal since it was the reason she’d been driven to his arms, the extent of her financial struggles was another secret she was keeping from someone she considered a friend. With good reason. He’d insist on riding in on his white steed, waving his fat wallet, to save her and she wasn’t going to be indebted to him or anyone else. She had to get used to managing on her own when she had errands to run or do the night feeds when she was exhausted beyond belief. The stakes were too high now for her to let anyone into that armoured heart again.
‘The “caff” it is, then.’ Cal took the lead from Izzy’s clues as to what she could afford, not necessarily what she craved. Which, at this moment, didn’t go beyond a chance to kick off her shoes and sit down with a cup of builder’s tea.
* * *
‘Do you think they’re going to be okay?’ Izzy cradled the chipped mug in her hands, drawing comfort from the heat as a chill fluttered over her skin.
‘Who?’ Cal sawed off another chunk of sausage and popped it into his mouth. It had become a tradition to go for a meal when their shift had ended. Not only because they’d worked up an appetite, but they needed that time to come down from the adrenaline high and process what they’d gone through at the scene of whatever medical emergency they’d just attended.
‘Tara Macready and her baby—you know, the woman we just saved.’ She set her tea down and poked the sausage and bacon on her plate with a fork. A fry-up was the standard fare in this particular establishment, but the smell of grease was making her feel queasy again. Rather than make him suspicious she’d ordered her usual, but she’d only managed to nibble at the toast so far.
‘We did our best and they’re in the best place to recover.’ Cal carried on eating, but the image of the blood and knowledge of Tara’s condition wouldn’t leave her. Most people probably wouldn’t have realised she was pregnant, but Izzy would’ve noticed even if it hadn’t been in her notes. These days she was aware of every new change in her body and she’d recognised Tara had the same slightly swollen belly as she did.
This kind of accident wasn’t an unusual sight, given the nature of their work, and it was vital they kept a certain detachment when attending these scenes. They weren’t supposed to take the emotional trauma home with them and usually she didn’t, other than a phone call to check up on a patient’s progress.
This one was different as it was a mother and her unborn child in jeopardy. Perhaps they’d all be different now she was going to be a mother herself. The idea of setting off in the helicopter alone was making her question her own mortality these days. Until now she’d never worried about her own safety up there, but in the not-too-distant future she was going to have someone depending on her coming home from work day after day.
The sound of cutlery clattering onto the plate made her jump and the touch of Cal’s hand as he settled it on hers didn’t help soothe her nerves.
‘They would never have made it at all if they’d gone by road and she might lose the use of her hand but they’re still alive. Now, are you going to tell me what’s going on in that head of yours today? You’re not yourself at all.’ It wasn’t that Cal didn’t have sympathy for them, but he knew, as well as she did, that they had to do their job and move onto the next one without looking back in case it affected future call-outs.
That had taken some getting used to, although she’d had years of experience as a nurse in A and E. Cal too, a consultant in emergency medicine, had found those first cases difficult to walk away from at the hospital doors. They’d often talked into the wee hours about their day, much to his fiancée’s annoyance.
These pregnancy hormones were making her feel as though she’d taken a step back, seeing everything in a new, terrifying light. Not that she had any intention of giving up her job. She loved being part of the team being whisked up into the air at a moment’s notice to save people in trouble. This was simply a blip and one she couldn’t wait to get over, along with this nausea.
‘Sorry.
