That Dana had kept her ex-husband’s last name because it was also her son’s said it all.
“I’m expecting to hear from her attorney any day,” he told Christian now. “Maybe Child Protective Services. She’d be within her rights to have my parenting skills and this home evaluated with a microscope. It would be really good for her case if they decide I’ve screwed up in some way or other.”
“But you haven’t!” Milk sloshed over the rim of Christian’s bowl when he gave it a shove. Eyes sparking, he thrust out his chin. “I’ll tell them. Everyone will tell them!”
Touched by the fierce defense even though he knew it was rooted in the boy’s deep-seated fear of being yanked away from everything familiar, Nolan smiled. “Thank you. And you’re right. I don’t think a social worker will find anything to use against me. But having them look...that’s a logical step in Ms. Stewart’s campaign.”
“If she cares about me, why hasn’t she called or something?”
Studying the way those thin shoulders had hunched, Nolan felt a burst of rage. This was a kid who’d lived with enough uncertainty. Did she have a clue what she was doing to him?
But, God help him, his fury was balanced by empathy he’d rather not be feeling. No, that wasn’t true; he didn’t want to be the kind of man who couldn’t see both sides, couldn’t feel for a woman as wounded as Dana Stewart. And he didn’t want the boy he considered his son to grow into that kind of man, either.
He replaced his coffee cup. “You shut her down pretty hard,” he said, keeping the judgment out of his voice but saying what he needed to. “I know you’re scared. I understand, and I think she does, too. But we have to recognize that she has suffered for a lot of years. She came out here filled with hope, to find out her kid doesn’t want anything to do with her.” He let that sink in, then said, “None of this is her fault, any more than it’s yours or mine.”
“You’re saying it’s Mom’s.”
Yeah, he was. But he softened it some. “I don’t know whether she stole you or not. I’d like to think not, but if she got confused enough, it’s possible. Either way, she told plenty of lies.”
Instead of blowing up, as Nolan had half expected, Christian sat very still and said in a small voice, “You said she really believed I was hers.”
“I’m sure she did some of the time. When she was on her meds, though...” He shook his head. “Did she really believe in her manufactured reality? I don’t know.”
Christian’s face crumpled. “She’s my mom.”
Oh, hell. Nolan shoved back his chair and circled the table to wrap an arm around his nephew. “It’s okay to keep loving her,” he said roughly. “She’ll always be your mom, in some ways.”
“Why do I have to have another mom?” He was back to pleading. “It’s not fair! I just want you.”
Nolan squeezed his eyes shut before they could start leaking. “Here’s something to think about. Right now it’s just you and me.” Throat clogged, he could not freakin’ believe he was about to say this. Cut his own throat, why didn’t he? But he said it anyway, because it was the truth. “Having more people to love you could be a good thing.”
Christian wrenched away so quick his head whacked Nolan’s jaw. Betrayal darkened his eyes. “You’ve changed your mind, haven’t you? You’re going to let her take me.”
Tasting blood, Nolan shook his head. “No. I said I’d fight for you, and I will. But who are we fighting against, Christian? This is your mother.”
“I hate her!” he spat, and raced out of the room. An instant later, the front door slammed.
“Fabulous,” Nolan mumbled, swallowing the salty taste. He hoped Christian had at least taken his book bag—and was on his way to school.
* * *
DANA SAT IN front of her computer, looking through the slide show of photographs Nolan Gregor had shared before her visit. With a bottomless hunger, she started over, and over again. There he was, a toddler wearing tough-guy overalls and a red-and-white-striped shirt, his grin huge even though he seemed on the verge of falling back on his well-padded rear end. A smartly groomed boy, hair slicked down, one front tooth missing. The first day of kindergarten? Or was that too young for him to have lost a tooth?
An ache flavored with bitterness gripped her stomach. A mother should know things like that. She should have soothed her teething baby, been there to slip money under his pillow in exchange for each precious tooth lost. Other mothers knew whether their sons said Dada or Mama first. They remembered the first step, the first day of school. The first time their son stepped up to the plate and swung a bat, the first book he read all by himself.
A thousand firsts she would only hear about secondhand, if at all. So much she’d missed.
But he was alive.
Gazing at the photo taken most recently, at the tall, thin, tanned boy windsurfing, his hair sun streaked, his laughter beautiful as he soared over the water, Dana thought, I don’t have to miss another moment.
Her eyes lost focus. Maybe she was too softhearted to tear her son from the man who was his security, but there was no way she would stay halfway across the country from Gabe, contenting herself with emailed photos, visits, phone calls.
Mind racing, she closed her laptop and walked slowly through her house, ending up at last in the bedroom unchanged from the day Gabriel had been stolen. Her son was no longer that baby; the knowledge felt like truth now. Would she want to bring Gabe home to this house, where everything had gone wrong?
Maybe it’s time to let it go. All of it.
If the mountain won’t come to Muhammad, then Muhammad must go to the mountain.
She had spent eleven years fighting for her son. Of course he was afraid. Of course he loved Nolan. Of course wrenching him away wasn’t the right thing to do. But that didn’t mean she would give up.
So she would go to him. It wouldn’t work without Nolan Gregor’s cooperation—but if threats were what it took, she’d channel her jerk of an ex-husband and issue some.
Dana loved her job, but she could find a new one. She would be farther from family, but they would understand. There was hardly even any furniture she’d want to take with her. Friends, she would miss, but she’d stay in touch. Looking around, she felt odd. So light she could float away.
Laughing, she flung her arms wide and spun in place. Lookout, Oregon, here I come.
* * *
THREE WEEKS LATER, Nolan tracked down his ringing phone a second before it went quiet. He checked the name, then, as he waited to see if Dana would leave a message, wondered why she’d call at this time of day. She had to know Christian was in school.
As he’d anticipated, she hadn’t given up. Every few days, she’d called and politely asked to speak to Christian. The conversations were brief. Christian mumbled a few replies to questions and listened when she talked. She hadn’t said much to Nolan, who didn’t like not having a clue what her plan was.
When
