a job so far away, moving her small family to Boston. Now the children were uprooted once again. Hannah couldn’t remember anything that had occurred in her life at twenty-one months old and she hoped the girls would forget both the upheaval and the funeral this morning. But doing so would mean they’d forget their mother, and Hannah couldn’t bear the thought.
“What’s a matter, baby girl?” Her sister-in-law, Abby, entered the room and lifted Cheyenne out of her arms. “Hannah, why don’t you take a shower and unwind for a little bit. I’m not going anywhere. You need a break.”
The strength to protest escaped her, which would have been fine if her heart didn’t fill with guilt every time the girls were out of sight. They were perceptive and they knew something was wrong. Her mother said they were grieving. How was that possible if they didn’t understand the concept of never seeing their mother again? No, they were confused. They’d been in a horrific car accident and now Mommy wasn’t around.
Hannah padded down the hallway into the bathroom, closing the door and shutting herself off from the rest of the world. She could still hear the officer explaining what had happened. Lauren had been thrown from the car and had died on impact. Thankfully, the twins had been relatively unharmed. Hannah had caught a flight to Boston the following morning to pick up the girls, her mother by her side. Monday morning, the four of them had flown home to Ramblewood. The funeral home had arranged for Lauren to be flown back with them.
Everything had happened so fast. Thanksgiving was in two days. The twins’ second Thanksgiving and the first without their mother. And then there was Christmas. How would they ever get through Christmas? How would they get through today?
After her shower, she peeked in the room at Charlotte and Cheyenne. Both twins were curled up together in one crib while Abby read them a bedtime story. She tiptoed down the stairs, praying the worn boards wouldn’t creak and shift the twins’ focus from Abby onto her. Her belly growled. It had been days since she’d last eaten a decent meal.
Trays of food covered the butcher-block kitchen countertop. She had intended to sand and oil the counter this week as part of her never-ending house renovations. It’d have to wait along with the rest of her plans. She grabbed a plate from the cupboard and lifted the foil lids of various dishes.
“Honey, I didn’t hear you come down.” Her mother appeared in the doorway. “I’ve devised a system. Desserts not needing refrigeration are on this counter.” Fern waved her arm dramatically as if she were Vanna White turning a letter. “The other nonperishables, like breads and crackers, are over here. And I managed to freeze most of the casseroles, but I left the sandwiches and salads in the refrigerator for you to nibble on. What wouldn’t fit in your freezer, your father took home to ours. Let us know when you need something and we’ll send it over.”
“I think we have enough food to last a year.” Hannah chose a turkey sandwich, poured herself a glass of water and sat at the table. “Mom, how am I going to afford this? Most of my money goes into the ranch. I still have upcoming competitions I’d be crazy to back out of. We need the prize money. It helps that I board and train horses, but it’s still not enough for the three of us to live off. I can’t compete in Vegas in a few weeks with all this going on. I’d pick up some extra hours teaching at the rodeo school if I had any extra hours to give.” She shook her head. “That would mean spending less time with the girls, and I won’t do that to them. I still can’t believe Lauren didn’t have life insurance.”
Fern sat across from her at the table, clasping Hannah’s hands between her own. “You have a huge support system in place. Everybody loved Lauren and the girls. Donations are already coming in. And your father and I will help you in whatever way we can.”
Hannah cringed. She hated feeling like a charity case, but as much as it pained her to admit it, she needed the charity. When Lauren had discovered she was pregnant, Hannah promised she’d help raise the babies. Lauren’s parents had died years earlier and she’d had no one.
“This house isn’t ready for children,” Hannah said. Her father and brother had begun working on the turn-of-the-century farmhouse as soon as Hannah and her mother had left for Boston. She wasn’t complaining, but the expenses had already gotten out of hand, charity or not. The ranch was supposed to be a long-term endeavor, and now she had to rush to finish the projects she’d started after Lauren moved out. “None of this feels real. I keep waiting for her to call or pop in and yell surprise any minute.”
Hannah pushed the sandwich away. She had the annual Christmas Dash-4-Cash barrel race on Saturday and she needed to take home first prize. She couldn’t even begin to think how she’d maintain her rodeo schedule next year with the twins in tow. But giving it up was out of the question if she expected to keep a roof over their heads.
She had already spread herself too thin. Between her part-time job teaching at the rodeo school and training barrel race horses on her ranch, she hardly found time to practice her own sport. As much as she loved racing, she didn’t want to be doing it when she was fifty.
She had a strong five-year plan. At least she’d thought so a week ago. She’d bought the ranch with organic farming in mind, but the large stables and round pen areas had given her the opportunity to board horses in addition to training them. Every waking hour of her day had been chock-full before the twins had become her full-time responsibility. None of her careful planning mattered anymore. Her first priority had to be Charlotte and Cheyenne, and she didn’t even know where to begin.
* * *
IT WAS ALMOST ten o’clock in the evening when Noah rolled down Main Street. Ramblewood was located in the heart of Hill Country, almost two hundred miles southwest of College Station. The town was quiet except for a local honky-tonk. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected to see when he drove into town. He’d had an inexplicable need to get to Ramblewood, uncertain of what he’d find or even wanted to find. He’d asked himself the same question repeatedly during the three-and-a-half-hour drive. What will I do if the girls are mine? Somewhere south of Austin he’d concluded he wasn’t ready to be a dad. It might be a little too late for that, though.
He had passed a hotel on the way into town and decided to double back and check in for the night. After he spoke to his boss and let him know he wouldn’t be coming into work until sometime after Thanksgiving, he phoned his mother. Her disappointment that he wouldn’t be home for the holiday coupled with her curiosity about the business that would keep him away left him antsier than before. He loved his mom, but he felt the need to leave out the majority of the details. She’d be on the next plane to Texas complicating matters further if she knew the whole story. Once he had the paternity results, then he would tell her—if there was anything to tell.
He walked down the hotel hallway to grab a soda from the vending machine. How do you let your mom know you’re the father of almost-two-year-old twins? Hell, he couldn’t even fathom the fact he may have created another life, let alone two lives. His knees buckled. He reached out for the wall to steady himself, almost knocking a fire extinguisher to the floor.
I can’t breathe.
Noah barreled through the exit leading to the outdoor pool. He collapsed into one of the lounge chairs and closed his eyes, praying the world would stop spinning. Paternity test. He’d heard about them on The Jerry Springer Show, but he’d never actually known someone who needed to take one. He had no idea how long a test would even take, but he’d schedule it right after he found out where the girls lived. If he could find them. He had to find them. But then what? Take them home? He supposed the sooner the children had an established routine, the better. The thought alone surprised him. Hours ago, he was a childless man sitting in a bar. Now he might be the father of two, worrying about their routine. No, he definitely wasn’t ready for this.
Noah
