didn’t come. Robert was stunned. All he could think was, stupidly, selfishly, Lana’s having a baby and it’s not mine. He stared back at her, dumb.
‘I’m frightened,’ she went on. ‘I need to be able to trust somebody. It’s not your problem, you’re probably the worst person I could ask, and I’m sorry for that, I’m sorry for—’
Robert held up a hand. ‘Stop apologising,’ he said. ‘Don’t apologise again.’ It was all he could say. This was too much to take in.
‘I was foolish, I got carried away–it was my fault. You see, the marriage with Cole isn’t normal. He doesn’t have normal …’ She shook her hands out, uncomfortable with the explanation. ‘Desires.’ She picked up her coffee, thought about it then put it down again. ‘It’s going to sound crazy, because it is crazy, but the marriage is …’ Lana steadied herself. ‘Robert, it’s for business. Do you understand? We’re not in love.’ It felt necessary to clarify it. ‘I don’t love him and he doesn’t love me.’
Her words were like sunlight breaking through clouds. It was madness: she’d just told him she was pregnant by another man, but still his heart rejoiced.
‘I’m frightened,’ she said again. ‘For me and the baby. I’m frightened of Cole.’
Robert let out a long breath. It felt like he’d been holding it for years. Instinctively, like it was the most natural thing in the world, he moved closer and put an arm around her. Her hair smelled of lemons. ‘Don’t be frightened,’ he said quietly. ‘You’ve nothing to be frightened of.’
‘I’ve got myself into such an awful mess. I’m a disaster.’
‘You’re not. You’re never a disaster. Come here.’
She put her forehead against his. It was nothing sexual, just the right thing to do. After a moment he moved away, embarrassed.
‘Cole will find out,’ Lana said, searching his eyes. ‘And when he does, he’ll …’ She glanced away, naked with fear. ‘I don’t know what he’ll do.’
‘Do you know who the father is?’ Robert asked.
Lana was offended. ‘Of course. There’s only been one person.’
Robert nodded stiffly. ‘Do you care for him?’
‘I don’t love him.’
‘Have you told him about the pregnancy?’
She shook her head. ‘Not yet.’
‘You have to.’
‘I know.’
He reached for her hand, held it in his, like he had when they were young. ‘Do you want to keep this baby?’
She didn’t have to think about it at all. She nodded.
A long beat. ‘OK.’ He squeezed her hand. ‘You did the right thing coming to me. I’ll always help you, whatever it is, wherever I am. I’m glad you knew that.’
‘I didn’t know …’ She paused, her heart pounding. ‘After what happened—’
‘Don’t.’ He put a finger to her lips. ‘All that’s gone, it’s over.’
She shook her head. ‘How can it be? How can something like that ever be over?’
‘By letting it go.’ Robert’s voice was fierce. ‘We’ve paid our dues, Lana–we did what we had to and then we moved on.’ He couldn’t look at her. ‘There was no other choice. We both had to survive.’
‘It was my choice, though, wasn’t it? I forced us to do what we did—’
‘Stop.’ He stood up, paced to the window and looked out. ‘I put us in that position, remember? Don’t you ever dare forget it.’
‘I won’t assign blame.’
‘Then stop blaming yourself.’ He turned round, eyes blazing. ‘Your brother’s dead, Lana. Dead. It was ten years ago. He’s gone, he’s not coming back. We’ve served our punishment.’ He indicated the space between them. ‘Can’t you see that?’
She forced back tears. ‘I wish I couldn’t. I’m sorry, Robbie.’
He held up a hand.
‘No, let me finish. I’m sorry for everything you were pulled into, for my short-sighted, thoughtless decisions and my selfishness. But most of all I’m sorry for us. I’ve never admitted it before, not even to myself, but I should never have walked out on you that night. Never. I regret it every single second and will until the day I die.’
He came to her, knelt and took her hands. The distance between them folded away like paper; the ocean of time passed emptied dry.
As he opened his mouth to speak, her cell rang.
‘It’s my agent,’ she told him.
He got to his feet, the moment broken. ‘Pick it up.’
‘I can’t, I’m not ready.’
‘Lana, you can. I’m here. OK? I won’t let anything happen to you.’
She held the blinking phone in her palm. ‘Do you trust this person?’ he asked. ‘She’s my friend.’
‘Then get her out here,’ he instructed. ‘You can’t hide for ever. And we can’t do this by ourselves.’
Lana soaked for a long time in the spa tub. Robert had given her the Pagoda Luxury Suite, a revelation of a room thousands of feet in the air, where the tip of the tulip punctured the sky. She was stunned by the size of it–with its separate living, dining and sleeping areas it was half as big again as her own living quarters in Cole’s LA mansion.
He had brought her up an hour before, swiping a gold card to let them in, and taken her to the unbelievable panorama, excited to see her reaction. One entire wall was a curved window looking out to the dazzle of the Strip. Together they had stood, watching the lights. She had wanted badly to hold his hand.
‘I need to find Elisabeth, explain all this,’ he’d said, avoiding her gaze.
‘Of course.’ She’d felt bad. This was a whole new imposition.
‘I’ll have some food sent up, something to drink.’
She had smiled gratefully. ‘Thank you.’ It wasn’t enough.
‘You must be tired. Take a bath, have a rest. Do you need anything …?’ He’d looked down at her stomach. ‘Sorry, I don’t know much about …’
She’d laughed. ‘Neither do I, as it happens. But, no, thanks, I feel good.’
He’d
