to put it all into words, she’d suggested a meeting, maybe after the baby was born. It seemed important to explain in person everything that had happened, right from that day when they had taken her away. But then, partway through, she’d realised she didn’t even know if Arlene was still alive. With all her heart she prayed she still had the chance to make things right.
She checked the time. Eleven o’clock. Robert would be coming for her any minute. He’d been so generous–never had she encountered such a busy man, and yet he was unconditionally there for her. He’d visited her daily, sometimes just for minutes at a time depending on his schedule, and they’d caught up on the lost years. It was beyond the call of duty. She wanted him as fiercely as she ever had, but had been strict with herself–she was in enough of a mess already. Besides, Robert belonged to Elisabeth. He was in love with her, and she with him.
She hoped his company would restore her faith in men.
Lana cringed when she recalled the disastrous conversation she’d had with Parker Troy the morning after Rita had left. The first few attempts he hadn’t picked up. Then, on the fourth:
‘You’re what?’ Parker had shrieked, all high-pitched.
‘I’m pregnant,’ she’d repeated calmly. ‘And you’re the father.’
A long silence before he said in a sunken voice, ‘You can’t be. I mean … how?’
‘Well, funnily enough, it went like this …’ Lana had lost patience. They’d both been irresponsible, not just her. Where did he think she’d been the past three months, out shopping for baby clothes with her girlfriends?
‘Does Cole know?’ he’d asked meekly, sounding like someone about to shit themselves.
‘Yes.’
‘And he knows it’s me? Fuck. Does he know it’s me? I mean, do you think he—?’
‘No, he doesn’t know it’s you.’
‘Good, OK. And it’s gonna stay that way, right?’ The relief was audible. ‘There’s no way he can find out–I’d be a dead man.’
Lana couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ‘I’m OK, thanks, Parker. You know, in case that figures anywhere on your list of priorities.’
‘Of course it does,’ he’d clarified swiftly. ‘But listen, Lana, I gotta tell you–I’m not ready to be a father.’
Lana baulked. ‘Oh, that’s funny. I’m not ready to be a mom either. It’s going to take some getting used to, huh?’
A pause. ‘You’re not considering having it, are you?’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘I just assumed—’
‘Then don’t,’ she cut in. ‘I am having this baby, with or without you, Parker. I’d like you to be involved for the sake of the child, so maybe you could—’
‘But what if I’m not it?’
‘I beg your pardon?’
‘What if I’m not the father? There’s that chance, right?’
‘Fuck you, Parker.’ She’d fought the urge to hang up. ‘Fuck you.’
‘I’m just saying—’
‘Don’t just say anything, you asshole.’
‘Look, I’ve got a career, Lana. I’m just starting out. You–you’ve kind of made it, yeah? You’ve done what you wanted so, like, I guess it’s the right time for you to have this kid. You know,’ he stammered, ‘if you want it. But for me, well, it’s not. And also,’ he tacked on hastily, as if it made the damnedest bit of difference, ‘I’ve got a girlfriend. I really think I should be left out of it, totally, so, like, it’s nothing to do with me.’
When Lana was sure he’d finished, she laughed. ‘God, you really are just a kid, aren’t you? And there I was crediting you with more than two brain cells. Turns out you’re just a juvenile prick after all.’
‘It’s not my fault,’ he’d whined. ‘You know what I think you should do. And if you don’t agree, why should I have to face the consequences?’
She could scarcely get to grips with his immaturity. ‘You may be heartless, Parker,’ she’d said eventually. ‘You may also be a shitty actor and a selfish sonofabitch, but do you know what I never thought you were?’
Silence. Then a grudging, ‘What?’
‘A coward.’
After they’d hung up she’d resisted breaking something. But, then, while she’d hoped for a little more support, she hadn’t counted on it. Parker’s baby was inside her yet she didn’t know its father at all.
Robert sent up a call, bringing her back to the here and now. They arranged to meet downstairs and the prospect filled her with nervy excitement, the kind she’d felt back at school; the kind that made it difficult to eat.
He was waiting for her in the foyer, handsome in a suit.
‘Want to spend some money?’ he smiled.
‘I don’t gamble,’ she said coyly.
‘Everybody gambles in Vegas. It’s the rules.’
She smiled. ‘In that case, I guess you’d better show me how it’s done.’
Lana had never hit a Vegas casino before. She found it disorientating, the bright lights and the high-strung buzz, the way glamour and sleaze operated side by side. It worked to a rhythm that got to your blood, chronic and unremitting.
‘Does this ever stop?’ she asked as they moved among the tables. Robert stopped to glad-hand a couple of high rollers, important-looking men with pink-hung cheeks and runny eyes.
He turned to her and grinned. ‘Not on my watch.’
Lana noticed the effect Robert had on his staff. News of the boss’s presence spread like a virus through the casino, with everyone working to a hundred and ten per cent. They wanted to do a good job for him because they liked him, she realised–but they were also a tiny bit afraid of him. It was respect. Something Cole had spent his life trying to master but he had perfected only intimidation.
At the roulette wheel Robert slipped into a game and told her to pick a number.
‘Er … I don’t know what to do.’
‘Black or red?’
‘Red!’
The ball dropped in. ‘No more bets!’
They got lucky. Lana went in again, then a third time. People were watching but she didn’t care. She was laughing, getting into the swing of it, happy with Robert at her side.
He put a hand on her arm. ‘Time out,’ he said, giving the dealer a
