she have a life for herself in Biryal for that amount of time? How could Sam?
And how could she bear seeing Khaled day in and day out? Perhaps she would become used to it, she thought. Perhaps they would become familiar—friends, even.
The idea felt not only impossible, but unpleasant. She didn’t want to be friends with Khaled. She’d once wanted so much more.
Yet she didn’t any more.
Did she?
The question made Lucy close her eyes. No, no, no, no, no, no…
She couldn’t want that. Yes, she was still attracted to him; she was honest enough to admit that, and felt the electric tug of longing deep in her belly. But love? No. The man she’d loved didn’t exist. She’d thought he was caring, not just charming. She’d believed there was something deeper underneath that reckless, roguish charm, yet there hadn’t been.
Had there?
The Khaled she saw now was so different from the one she’d known, and yet she didn’t think she liked this version any better. At the core, he was still the same—arrogant, powerful, uncaring.
With a sigh Lucy turned away from her reflection. She wasn’t going to think about Khaled; now she only wanted to think about—and be with—Sam.
‘Mummy!’ He hurtled himself into her arms, his small, sturdy body warm and comforting against hers. Lucy buried her face in Sam’s soft hair for a moment, then pulled back to look at him.
‘Any new scrapes?’
Sam showed her a skinned elbow with pride, and Lucy smiled. ‘Doesn’t look fatal,’ she said, pretending to examine it with professional seriousness. ‘Do you think you’ll live?’
‘It’s just a scrape,’ Sam said scornfully, but he was grinning. He loved this game.
‘How was your trip?’ Dana Banks gave her daughter a quick hug before looking over her with critical concern. ‘Lucy, you look completely worn out.’
‘I feel it,’ Lucy replied with a wry smile. ‘It’s that jet lag.’
‘Is that all?’ Dana asked, eyebrows arched, and Lucy gave a small smile and shook her head, the understood signal that they were not to talk of this in front of Sam.
‘Mummy, did you bring me a present?’ Sam asked, pulling on her sleeve. Lucy looked down at her son with a jolt of sudden realisation. He had Khaled’s eyes—the long lashes, the almond shape, the darkly golden irises. How could she not have seen it before?
But of course she had; she’d just never acknowledged it, admitted it. She’d spent four years trying not to think of Khaled, and now she found he was constantly in her thoughts.
‘I’m sorry, sweetheart,’ she said, dropping a kiss on the top of his head even as he started squirming away. ‘There was no time. But I do have a present, of sorts. A surprise, at least.’ Lucy’s eyes met her mother’s over the top of Sam’s head. ‘A new friend is coming to visit tomorrow. He’s going to take us out.’
‘Where?’ Sam asked eagerly. ‘To the zoo?’
‘Haven’t you just been to the zoo?’
‘I want to go again!’
Lucy chuckled and released Sam, who began racing around the room. He had so much energy, her boy. ‘Perhaps. We’ll have to see.’
Sam peppered her with more questions until, bored, he finally went out to the garden. Dana took the opportunity to put the kettle on and ask Lucy a few questions herself.
‘A new friend?’ she repeated, handing Lucy a mug of tea. ‘Is that who I think it is?’
Lucy sighed. ‘Yes. Khaled came back to England with me. Or, rather, I came with him on the Biryali royal jet. He wants to be involved in Sam’s life.’
‘Oh, Lucy.’ Dana’s eyes widened with concern. ‘You didn’t expect that, did you?’
‘No,’ Lucy admitted ruefully. ‘I didn’t. But I should have.’ She took a sip of tea, shaking her head. ‘I think I believed that telling Khaled about Sam would give me some kind of closure. Pitiful, I know, that after four years I still need it.’
‘You never had it,’ Dana interjected quietly.
‘And I’m not getting it now.’ Lucy smiled bleakly at her mother. ‘Khaled’s indicated that he won’t settle for a few trips to the zoo. He doesn’t just want to be in Sam’s life. He wants to be Sam’s father.’
Dana looked sceptical. ‘And you think he’ll keep feeling that way, once the novelty has worn off? He hasn’t given you any reason to trust him in the past.’
‘I know.’ Lucy gazed out of the kitchen window. Sam was doing laps of the garden, absolutely fizzing with energy. ‘He’s a different man now,’ she said slowly. ‘Or at least he seems like it. He isn’t carefree any more. Life seems to…weigh him down. And he takes his responsibilities very seriously.’
‘He’s grown up, then,’ Dana said with an edge to her voice, and Lucy smiled wryly.
‘Maybe.’ Her mother had every right to be wary. Khaled hadn’t proved himself reliable four years ago, just as Dana’s own husband, Tom Banks, hadn’t when Lucy was a child. Her memories of her dad were vague at best—a few treats, a few hugs, standing at the window waiting for him to fetch her…
And then one day he never came.
Lucy swallowed, surprised that such an old, faded memory still had the power to hurt. Khaled’s re-entry into her life had brought up too many ghosts, too many scars. Too much fear.
‘And how do you feel about all this, Lucy?’ Dana asked gently. ‘You could fight him, you know.’
‘The Crown Prince of Biryal?’ Lucy raised her eyebrows. ‘If we ever took this to court, Khaled could wipe the floor with me, Mum. I haven’t got the resources he has, and he told me as much.’
‘He threatened you?’
‘No.’ Lucy let out a breath. ‘Although it felt like a threat at the time. But I was telling him I didn’t want him in Sam’s life.’
‘And now?’
Lucy sighed. Her thoughts and feelings were still so hopelessly tangled. ‘I don’t know,’ she admitted after a moment. ‘I honestly don’t know what I want. I thought I didn’t want anything from Khaled, or to see him again, but then why did I tell him about Sam?’
‘Because you’re a good person,’ Dana returned robustly. ‘And you felt he had a right to know.’
‘But, if he has a right to know, then he also has a right to be part of Sam’s life,’ Lucy countered. ‘And I think part of me knew that all along. I think part of me—even if I’ve been trying to deny it to myself—wants Khaled in Sam’s life.’
Dana’s eyes were
