‘So then he starts to pull me across the square… yes by the arm… no there was no one around… you’re so right, I know it can get that way after lunch… I do too.’
Get on with it! thought Ruby.
‘So then he is pulling me across the square to who-knows-where when suddenly all these Italian tourists walk by, he lets go of my arm and says, “I’m so sorry I thought you were my wife” And I say, “Well to be honest I’m surprised you’ve got a wife if that’s how you treat her!”... I know, some people… uh huh… uh huh, lucky for him his wife came along because I can just about promise you I would have made quite a fuss… well as a matter of fact he did have a wife… sure, we looked something alike and yes, I was wearing a headscarf but even so… no, she definitely had red hair and mine is unmistakeably auburn… thank you Barbara, that’s very sweet of you, yes I will absolutely give you my stylist’s number… Well you could be right, maybe he was without his glasses but you would think he ought to know what his own wife looked like… you’re right, I am having a run of bad luck you are so right – first we lose our luggage, then all our furniture is stolen, then our housekeeper goes off, then my purse gets snatched and now Brant almost loses his wife to a thug!’
Ruby’s mother was laughing so hard she nearly fell off the chair.
‘Some men really lack charm – don’t they Barbara? Do you remember Walt Waverly, wasn’t he the worst! So rude…’
Ruby gave up listening, this type of conversation could go on for hours between her mother and Barbara and it was unlikely that they would return to the point. She wandered upstairs to the kitchen, deep in thought. Grabbing a cookie, she made her way up to her room, pulled out her notebook and jotted down everything she had overheard. Her mother might be convinced it was just a case of mistaken identity, but Ruby wasn’t so sure.
One thing her mother was right about, however, was that she had been having a lot of bad luck lately.
A total yawn
THURSDAY CAME AND IT STARTED WELL – that is to say, the sun came up. But things went downhill from there.
First of all, Ruby was woken early by Consuela.
‘Hey Ruby, get up. Your new bed has arrived.’
‘I have a bed, I’m in it,’ muttered Ruby. She had the covers pulled up to her nose and an eye mask, printed with the words, wake only in case of emergency.
Consuela lifted the mask. ‘Well, your mother has bought you a whole bedroom set so you better snap to it senorita.’
Ruby pulled the covers over her face. ‘Tell her I like it the way it is. I like the space, it’s very Zen, you know what I’m saying?’
‘Well, you can discuss it with her yourself, I’m not interested – but furniture or no furniture she wants you out of here,’ said Consuela.
‘As far as I am aware,’ said Ruby confidently, ‘today is Twinford Blossom Day and that means a local holiday which means I get to stay in bed.’
‘Not today missy,’ said Consuela, tapping her foot. ‘Today you have lunch with the Humberts.’
Slowly Ruby peeled the sheet from her face. ‘You are not serious?’
Consuela who was standing with her hands firmly on her hips nodded. ‘Sorry to ruin your Thursday but you better get dressed missy – rapido.’
Ruby was missing Mrs Digby. She would at least have looked sympathetic.
The thing was, Brant Redfort was a stickler for manners and the very thought that anyone might feel in any way snubbed by a member of the Redfort family made him shudder. There were no two ways about it – she would have to go.
‘Hey, has my jacket been mended yet?’ asked Ruby.
‘No, Hitch sent it away,’ said Consuela.
‘Sent it away where?’ asked Ruby.
‘To the place that’s cleaning your mother’s jacket – Clean and Crisp or something – he says it’s the best for repairs.’
Darn it, thought Ruby, that watch sure would come in handy on a boring day like today – hey, I might even have been able to abseil out of there.
Ruby picked up a T-shirt from the floor – it bore the slogan what a total yawn.
Consuela clicked her tongue. ‘You wear that, young lady, and your mom’s gonna freak.’
‘Yeah, you got that right,’ said Ruby, throwing it back into the closet.
When the Redforts arrived at the Humbert’s impressive home, they were greeted enthusiastically. ‘How wonderful that you all could come,’ and ‘oh Ruby you look just darling in that dress!’ and ‘Quent’s just dying to show you his new magic trick.’
The Humberts were really very nice people – it was just, well, they were also kinda boring.
Quent had invited a few of his friends over and Ruby found herself sitting at what was quaintly referred to as the “kids table”. If that wasn’t insulting enough then the level of conversation she had to endure during lunch was the final slap in the face.
‘Hey Ruby, can you do this?’ Quent was holding his thumb in front of Ruby’s face and was bending it back and forth to show her how it could go in either direction. ‘It’s double-jointed! Isn’t that neat?’
‘Neat!’ said Ruby in an overly bright tone which anyone but Quent might regard as “sarcasm”.
Ruby strained to hear what was being discussed next door in the dining room. ‘Freddie has had had quite the week, haven’t you dear?’ said Marjorie Humbert.
‘I’ll bet he has,’ said Brant, ‘this gold delivery must be big news for your team at the bank?’
‘Oh it’s big news all right but what I haven’t told you – and I say this confidentially just between us,’ said Freddie Humbert, reducing the volume of his voice to a loud dramatic whisper, ‘is that we have a threat to the bank’s security!’
‘Oh my good gracious – can this be true?’ cried Sabina. ‘I heard that Twinford Bank has the safest safe in the whole of the entire country?’
‘And so it has!’ boomed Freddie. ‘But even so it has recently come to light that there is a sophisticated plot to rob the Twinford City Gold the very night after it arrives from Switzerland.’
Brant was astonished. ‘No wonder you have been so on edge – I haven’t seen you on the golf course in days!’
‘He’s been so busy,’ exclaimed Marjorie.
‘But how could anyone possibly find their way into the bank vaults? I thought they were designed like an actual maze,’ said Sabina.
‘That’s
