That caused her to laugh. Today she must have simply reminded everybody of a blueberry, and that one little scone held so many ramifications, her stomach turned over and all she wanted was to turn around and get out of there, blueberry scone or not. “After what just happened, I’m out of the mood,” she said.
“Well, I’ve got a secretary back in the office who’s expecting delivery service, even though she’ll deny it, so...” He stepped on ahead to the counter, placed his order, then turned back to Michi, who’d taken several steps toward the door. “Not that it’s any of my business but are you in New York for any reason in particular?”
To find him? No. To find herself, perhaps. Mostly, though, for Riku. “Family,” she said. “My uncle and his partner are here, and...” She shrugged as she took another couple of steps backward toward the door. Opened it, then hesitated for a moment. “Look, I need to get going. They’re expecting me.”
“I wish I’d known you were coming. Maybe we could have set aside an evening...”
“Maybe,” she said on a wistful sigh as she stepped out onto the sidewalk.
“Is it too late for that? Since I’m the boss I can juggle my schedule. Maybe something tonight? Dinner?”
That could be the perfect time and place to tell him everything. Which was why she was hesitating. Her fear of what she had to do was finally turning into her reality. “It’s not like we started anything real that night. Then the way you left me... I mean, I didn’t have expectations. But when you do what we did, I should think there’d be a civil goodbye at the end of it.” Except failed contraception had turned that into an impossibility because she had Riku now. And no regrets, except her actions.
But if she did decide to tell Eric, would he have regrets? Well, now wasn’t the time to tell him, and now wasn’t the time to discover the answer to her question. Maybe that angel had dropped down when she wasn’t looking and left her with enough of a solution to get her by for a little while. But only for a little while as she still felt unsettled. “Seven,” she finally said. “At my uncle’s restaurant.” A comfort zone she desperately needed now.
“Which is?”
“Tanoshī Shō, if you don’t mind eating Japanese food. It’s small, quiet, and the chef...they don’t come any better than Takumi. But if you’d prefer a steak, or something Italian...”
“What I’d prefer is an hour or two of your time, Michi. That morning when I left...it never felt resolved. You know, lacking the whole closure thing people talk about today.”
“Waking up alone in bed is closure enough,” she said, even though she felt the same way he did.
“Then bear with me. There are some things I need to tell you, for my sake.”
“You left me,” she said, slinging her purse over her shoulder. “We weren’t...aren’t...anything, and we knew what we were about, so what happened happened.”
“I had a good reason.”
“And the author Jean Renoir once said, ‘The truly terrible thing is that everybody has their reasons.’” She didn’t want to be obstinate, didn’t want to sound so harsh or rejecting since she too had her reasons. But this was fear bubbling up in her. Pure, raw fear. Everything that had scared her these past nearly three years was finally confronting her, and she had to get it right or too many people would be hurt.
“Look, I don’t want to get into this here. I’ve got a meeting in a few minutes so tonight...”
Michi swallowed hard, then nodded. “Tonight,” she repeated, then managed a smile. “But only if you try my uncle’s peanut amanattō.”
“I don’t believe I know that one,” Eric replied.
“He doesn’t make it for the general public. Mostly for his family.” And in a way Eric was family. “Here, in America, his desserts are a little more Western, but back home this was always a real treat. In fact, there’s a version without the peanuts that Riku loves...” She caught herself before she said anything else. This wasn’t the way to tell him. Not here. Not now. Not a casual mention in a going-nowhere conversation.
“Riku?” Eric questioned. “Who’s Riku?”
“I’ll meet you there at seven,” she said, then scooted around him and headed down the sidewalk, not sure where she was going. But any place away from Eric was good. He’d had such a profound effect on her the first time they’d met that within the first hours she had wondered if their meeting could be the start of something more. Not expecting Riku to be the something more, of course. But everything about Eric was potent and powerful, which was everything she’d needed that night. Someone to push out the reality and offer the fantasy.
And look at her now. All about the reality, and nothing else. But as she thought every time she looked at her son, No regrets. Her medical practice was nearly a thing of the past now, she spent more time in doctors’ offices and doing online research than she’d ever imagined could happen in her life. Every waking minute was fixed on Riku and the next thing she needed to do for him, whether it was bathing him or feeding him, adjusting his oxygen when he required it, or simply cuddle time.
Definitely no regrets, though. Only love for Riku, and maybe a little bit left over for the man who had given her Riku. Because, after all, without knowing it, Eric had redefined her life, given her a purpose far greater than anything she’d ever known. For that, her soft spot for him was large. Larger than she could have ever imagined.
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