now. She’d thought of getting a gun but that would require leaving her house and facing people.
It was probably Mya, the logical side of her brain offered, but the logic was drowned out by the panicked part of her that was in complete control right now. Her grip tightened on the neck of the worn wood.
“Iris?” a voice called out, and recognition caused her to stiffen in alarm.
“Sundance?” she answered, her voice scratchy from disuse. “Is that you?” He followed her voice and rounded the corner to the threshold of her bedroom where she still stood in the shadows with a raised baseball bat. He peered into the darkness and then flipped the light switch. She stumbled from the sudden wash of bright light and dropped the bat to crawl to the safety of her bed. “Go away,” she demanded, pulling the covers over her head. “I don’t want any visitors.” Least of all you.
But he didn’t go away. Instead he walked to the window and she heard him taking down her blankets, flooding the room with natural light. She felt the sunshine filling the room and she burrowed deeper into her bedding. She didn’t want sunshine. She wanted darkness and solitude.
“I need to talk to you,” Sundance said, ignoring her wishes. That was just like him, to do what he wanted despite what others said. “About your case,” he added unnecessarily. Why else would he be pestering her? It wasn’t as if he regularly dropped by to visit on a normal day. Normal…the word held no meaning for her now. She couldn’t remember normal any longer. Maybe she was delirious from lack of sleep. Maybe she was eternally cracked in the head because she couldn’t think straight, couldn’t think beyond basic needs. And when she said “basic,” she meant the very basics.
The slow but steady tug on the blankets caused her to pull harder but her strength was laughable. Tears welled in her eyes as she felt the blanket slip from her grip. All that covered her was the sheet. Sundance stood in a pile of blankets, his gaze alarmed. She imagined she looked frightening. She didn’t care. She lifted her chin and met his stare. “What do you want?” she asked dully, wishing to hide but he’d made that impossible. “I said go away.”
Sundance had never minced words with her. In all the years she’d known him he’d never held back. To be fair, neither had she. But as he stared at her, his gaze taking in every disgusting detail of her self-imposed retirement from the human race, she saw something different. Uncertainty. She would’ve rather that he started yelling at her or baiting her than what she saw in his eyes right now. The heavy silence battered at the thin, tattered veil of spunk she had left. Curling in a ball, she turned away from him, shame and defeat coating her every thought. Why’d he have to come? Couldn’t he have just left her alone? Had Mya sent him? She couldn’t imagine her best friend would betray her this way but, Great Spirit help her, she didn’t know what else to think.
“Have you eaten?” he asked.
She thought of the piece of toast she’d forced down, was it yesterday? Or maybe it was the day before that? She answered, “I’m not hungry.”
“When was the last time you showered?” It’d been a while. She could smell herself and it wasn’t pretty, but there was a small comfort in her own stink. Perhaps if she smelled bad enough no one would come near her. When she didn’t answer, he said, “Never mind. I think I can figure that one out on my own. Come on, it’s time to get up and get moving again,” he announced, the grim tone telling her he wasn’t looking forward to the prospect, either.
“Not today,” she answered, clutching a pillow to her belly.
“Yes, today,” he countered, his firm control back in full swing. He’d always been such a bossy jerk, she noted almost distantly. “First things first, a shower.” Because you smell, is what he hadn’t said but she heard anyway.
“I don’t feel like it. Maybe tomorrow,” she said in the hopes of sending him on his way.
“Today,” he repeated, going to her bathroom to start the water.
“Go to hell,” she muttered, but there was little heat and he called her on it.
“Say it like you mean it or don’t waste my time. Now let’s go,” he said, his stance hard and unyielding, like a drill sergeant with an unruly private. “It’s time to get back into the swing of things and that starts with a shower. We’ll work our way up from there.”
Her eyes stung. Why wouldn’t he go away? “You’re cruel. Don’t you understand I can’t just yet?”
If there was a softening in his gaze, it was gone in an instant. “You’re giving up. That’s not the Iris I know.”
She closed her eyes. “That girl is gone.”
“No. She’s just buried under the layers of stink you’re marinating in. Now, either you can get out of that bed on your own accord or I can haul you out. It’s your choice, but you’d better do it within the next three seconds or I’ll make the choice for you.”
“Go…to…hell.” This time she added more heat as anger started to thaw the frozen tundra filling the landscape inside her.
He offered a harsh smile. “That’s more like it but I know you can do better. Time’s up.” He approached her and she shrieked as she surmised his intent. She kicked at him but he managed in one fluid movement to rip her sheet from her body and toss her over his shoulder. She screamed and pounded his back, tears blinding her. Panic built until it threatened to choke the air from her lungs. She inhaled a sharp, painful breath, her mouth working to produce sound but something from her blank memory of that night broke loose and strangled her vocal cords until only a soft mewling escaped her lips.
“Don’t do this,” she gasped, kicking her feet, but he held her securely, thwarting her best efforts, that were pretty pathetic given how weak she felt from not eating or sleeping. “Sonny…please…” she whispered, tears flowing down her cheeks to land on the carpet as he carried her to the bathroom that had filled with steam. “I can’t…”
“You can,” he disagreed, depositing her in the shower, still clothed in her sleep shirt and underwear. She gasped as the water pelted her. It was at once scalding and soothing. She sobbed, flashes of memory coming to her from that night. She’d sat on the floor of the hospital shower after Mya had examined her, watching as the water washed away the blood and dirt but could do nothing to remove the pain and degradation. She’d remained in that shower until the water ran cold but by that time she’d become numb. That’d been the last time she’d showered. She shuddered as great, racking sobs shook her body. Sundance seemed on autopilot and was unmoved by her total breakdown. He grabbed the shampoo and squirted a modest handful into her shaking hands. “Start with this,” he instructed. “I trust you can handle the rest.”
And then he left, closing the door behind him. She stared at the green glob in her palm as if it were her enemy. But in truth, the enemy was the sentinel outside her door, demanding she put herself back together.
Damn you, Sundance. I hate you.
If only that were true…maybe none of this would’ve happened.
Her breath hitching painfully in her chest, she began to scrub until her scalp ached but just as she knew that night…nothing would ever take away the stain of what had been done to her.
Nothing.
Chapter 3
Sundance
