Had he noticed her signature on a couple of the administrative letters he would have received from the hospital? She’d kept her maiden name for work and had gone back to it in her personal life after the divorce. Had Jake realized that coming back to Portland would mean seeing her again?
From his expression, apparently not.
It all seemed too significant.
The burden of being a parent…of caring that much…of risking and losing and hurting…of dealing with two sets of feelings that didn’t match…was such a large part of what had separated herself and Jake all those years ago, when they were both still in their teens. She didn’t know whether she should still be angry about things he’d said and done. She’d moved on, hadn’t she?
Now, trying to keep Max anchored to her hip while she simultaneously scooped Ella up before she began to cry, Stacey muttered under her breath, “It’s just the same. I’m carrying the weight. And he’s free. Just as he wants to be.”
She already knew he wasn’t married. Dealing with Portland General Hospital’s personnel files had its advantages, sometimes. And when a man like Jake wasn’t yet married at the age of thirty-five, it could only be by his own choice.
He looked so good. With Ella’s smoochy kiss warm on her cheek, she took in all the ways he’d changed…as well as the ways he hadn’t. If he’d been good-looking in her own eyes back then, he would turn any woman’s head now. He was thirty-five, the same age as Stacey herself, and while many of his contemporaries had begun to lose their hair and gain at the waistline, Jake looked fit and strong and confident—a man totally in his prime.
He’d filled out since the age of eighteen, but all of it was muscle, tamed a little—but not much—by the dark tailored trousers and gray-and-white cotton sweater he wore. His dark hair was cut short enough to be neat but long enough to remind her of the way she’d once run her fingers through it. As he passed beneath the beam of a recessed light in the ceiling she saw just the faintest smattering of silver around his temples and behind his well-shaped ears.
He’d entered with Jillian Logan who was a social worker at the adjacent Children’s Connection and spent a lot of time here in the hospital, as well. Stacey didn’t know if the shared last names were just a coincidence. Logan wasn’t uncommon, but anyone with that name around this place tended to be related. From the way Jillian had caught her eye, smiled and turned in Stacey’s direction, it seemed as if she might soon find out.
“Stacey, hi,” she began briskly. She was a very pretty woman with her long brown hair and brown eyes, but usually dressed to give off an impression of professional competence rather than personal warmth. She favored tailored clothing and classic colors, such as today’s suit in pale sage green. “I dropped into your office at the wrong moment and discovered my cousin.”
Well, that answered the question about their names. The Logan family was very prominent around Portland General Hospital and the adjacent Children’s Connection. Jillian’s parents had donated an enormous amount of financial and practical support to the fertility clinic and adoption center over the years.
Odd, actually. Stacey had known Jake so well, but she didn’t remember any mention of his prominent Logan cousins—not even when she and Jake had been planning their wedding and talking about the guest list.
Jake and Jillian had thrown each other a slightly self-conscious glance, too, as if the word cousin didn’t feel quite right to either of them.
“He’d like a tour, if there’s time, to meet a few people and get his ID card, that kind of thing,” Jillian went on, as Stacey lowered both twins out of her arms. “You’re starting Monday, Jake?” He nodded and she turned back to Stacey. “Oh, I haven’t actually introduced you. Stacey, this is—”
“It’s all right,” Jake cut in quickly. “Stacey and I already know each other.”
He put out his hand to shake hers. Ella had scampered back to the Play-Doh table. Max clung to Stacey’s leg, distracting her. She felt the brief squeeze of Jake’s hand, warm and dry. The moment bewildered her. Outwardly so ordinary, yet so significant given their history together.
“We’ve been in touch over his employment contract,” she explained quickly to Jillian. Jake had become a successful ob-gyn, specializing in infertility, and Portland General Hospital was fortunate to have him coming to work here.
She caught a flash in Jake’s green eyes as he took in the way she’d avoided any reference to their high school days, let alone their acknowledged status, back then, as a couple madly in love.
The couple madly in love, in fact.
They’d gotten the official vote from their classmates: The Couple Most Likely To Marry Right Out Of High School, but then life had gotten in the way and it had all fallen apart.
She tensed.
Would he challenge what she’d said? Had Jillian herself been around at that time? Stacey knew she had grown up here. She would have been a couple of years below them in school, however, and Portland was no country town where everyone knew everybody else.
Since Jake had never mentioned his Logan cousins in the past, it seemed likely that the two branches of the Logan family hadn’t been close. It seemed equally clear that Jillian had no idea of the tension Stacey could feel between herself and Jake—like the zing of an electric current down a wire.
“Someone said you were over here, Stacey, collecting the twins,” Jillian went on easily. “Does that mean you’re heading out early today? Because I have a client to see in the I.C.U.—” she looked at her watch “—yikes! Ten minutes ago!”
“It’s okay. I’m not heading out early. The twins are going to their father’s for the weekend. He’s picking them up from here, but I always stop in to say goodbye before they go.” Belatedly, she considered Jillian’s reference to her client appointment and added, “So go ahead, get up to the I.C.U. I’ll finish giving Dr. Logan the tour. After all, it’s my job far more than it is yours.”
From the corner of her eye, she thought she saw his body tighten. Apparently he’d never noticed her signature on those letters. Not so much of a surprise. They ’ d only been cover letters for enclosed paperwork. He’d probably tossed them in the wastepaper basket without even looking. In that area, she’d had an advantage. She’d known for weeks that he was coming back into her life.
But she hadn’t known how she would feel about it when the time came. Already she realized it was going to be a heck of a lot harder than she’d expected.
“Thanks, Stacey. Jake, I’ll see you on the weekend.” Jillian touched his arm, but it was a tentative gesture, confirming Stacey’s impression that the two of them didn’t know each other very well.
As Jillian left, Nancy Allen Logan closed the story she’d been reading to a group of children in the book corner and came over to Stacey, sparing only a faint, uncertain smile for Jake. “The Cat in the Hat always goes on longer than I remember. Did you put their overnight bags in Robbie’s office, as usual?”
“Yes, with a snack for the ride.” She glanced at the clock on the wall. “If John doesn’t get here soon, it won’t be enough for them and he’ll need to stop for a proper meal.”
“Uh-oh, junk food alert.”
“I know,
