maybe he would have been if only she had realized sooner—
With a firm mental shake, Megan warned herself to stay focused on the moment at hand. She wouldn’t do herself or little Matthew any good by allowing painful memories of a past she couldn’t change to overwhelm her now.
Directing all her attention on the baby lying on her lap, she noted that he seemed to be strong and healthy. He kicked his little legs and swung his arms, cooing and gurgling quite contentedly. He also seemed to have been well-cared-for. He not only looked clean, he also smelled clean. And though the pale blue, one-piece cotton knit romper he wore was obviously secondhand, it appeared to be freshly laundered.
Unless Megan was badly mistaken, little Matthew had been looked after with loving tenderness prior to his arrival on her doorstep. Yet he had been abandoned like unwanted baggage.
No, that wasn’t really true, Megan admitted, trying to be fair. He had only been left when it was certain that he was safely in her care. And his mother—for surely it had to have been his mother running down the sidewalk—had also left behind a diaper bag, thus making sure that all his immediate needs could be met.
Taking the diaper bag from the stroller, Megan unzipped the top flap and opened it wide. As she fully expected, she found at least a dozen tiny disposable diapers, a container of wet wipes, several cans of formula, two baby bottles with nipples, a box of plastic bottle liners, and several changes of clothes and bibs.
She found nothing more to identify the baby’s mother in the diaper bag, though. Nor did the stroller, itself, offer any further revelations. It, too, was obviously secondhand, but of excellent quality and construction.
“So, your mom loves you very much, young man,” Megan said, offering her index finger for the baby to grasp. “But she’s left you here with me…of all people. Any idea why?”
In response to the sound of her voice, Matthew kicked his legs even faster, then screwed up his darling little face and began to fuss.
“Okay, okay, we’ll talk about your mom later,” she murmured, shifting sideways on the sofa so she could set him down beside her. “Right now, we’ll change your diaper and get you a little something to eat. How does that sound?”
With the supplies provided, Megan replaced Matthew’s soggy diaper with a dry one. Then she fished out a can of formula, a bottle and disposable liner from the diaper bag, and with Matthew nestled securely against her shoulder, she headed for the kitchen.
It had been a long time since she had prepared a baby’s bottle single-handedly, but apparently the skill, once learned, was never really forgotten. After a quick warm-up of the bottle, they were back on the living room sofa where Matthew eagerly sucked down the formula in slow, steady gulps.
Watching him, Megan recalled all the times she had fed her own baby in much the same way. She had been able to breast-feed Will, though. Just remembering the urgent tug of his tiny mouth made her breasts tingle instinctively. He had been such a hearty eater….
Drawing a deep, steadying breath, Megan once again willed away the memories that were still too raw, too painful for her to dwell upon. Recalling, instead, the wording of the note she’d stuffed into the pocket of her shorts, she frowned thoughtfully.
Please, please take care of my baby for me.
She could think of nothing she would rather do than care for Matthew…today, tomorrow and every day thereafter. Holding him close, inhaling his sweet baby scent as she listened to the soft sounds he made as he nursed, she could almost believe that she had been given a second chance, that she had her own baby back again.
In her heart of hearts, she knew better, though. Just as she also knew that she couldn’t allow herself to pretend, even for a few moments, that Matthew was her child to keep.
He had only been left in her care temporarily. He had a mother. A mother who would surely come back for him before too long.
Matthew had been cared for with such obvious consideration that Megan couldn’t believe he had been casually abandoned on her doorstep. His mother had wanted him to be safe and secure, and for reasons yet to be determined, she had chosen Megan to look out for him. But only until she was able to provide for him again herself.
Becoming too attached to him in the meantime would be a big mistake. She had lost one child. She wasn’t about to set herself up for the pain of losing another.
As she had when she’d first found the baby on her front porch, Megan wondered who Matthew’s mother might be. Again, she had to admit that she had no idea at all. Nor did she have any idea why she had been chosen to provide his safekeeping. Surely his mother must know other women in Serenity more capable of caring for a baby. Women his mother had to know better than she knew Megan Cahill.
When Matthew finished the last of the formula in his bottle, Megan set it aside, lifted him to her shoulder and gently patted his back. He rewarded her with a series of hearty burps, making her smile. Then he snuggled against her with a tiny, contented yawn.
“What a good baby you are,” she murmured, brushing her lips against the top of his downy head. “What a good, good baby…”
As she continued to pat his back, Matthew stuck one little fist in his mouth and closed his eyes.
“So, you’re ready for a nap, are you?” she asked. “And here I thought you could give me some idea of what we should do next. She’s your mother, after all. Do you think we ought to wait here in case she decides to come back for you? Or should we turn you over to the proper authorities without delay?
“I’m tempted to wait here for a while, sweet baby—so very, very tempted. But I’m not really the best person to look after you, no matter what your mother thinks. How about giving her an hour or two? Then I think we’d better take a little walk to the police station.”
Matthew’s deep, even breathing was the only reply Megan received.
“Okay, that’s what we’ll do, then,” she decided as she stood and headed for the staircase leading to the second floor of the house.
In fact, the Serenity police station was the last place Megan wanted to go that morning. Under the circumstances, however, it was also the best place she could go. That was where she would most likely find the one person capable of helping her track down Matthew’s mother.
Unfortunately, Serenity’s chief of police, Jake Cahill, also happened to be her ex-husband.
Megan had been avoiding Jake ever since he had returned to Serenity a year ago. He had given up a rewarding career as an FBI agent to take a job that he couldn’t possibly find fulfilling. A gesture of reconciliation, or so he had seemed to have wanted her to believe. But it had been too little, much, much too late. As she had told him plainly the one time he had come to the house to see her.
Jake had abandoned her when she had needed him the most, just as her parents had done when she was a child. They hadn’t thought twice about flying off to a Third World country to cover a military coup, and she’d been left an orphan. And Jake hadn’t thought twice about going undercover for weeks at a time to catch a killer, leaving her to cope alone with a sick child.
Megan knew she hadn’t occupied a very important place in her parents’ lives. Too late, she had realized, as well, that she—and Will—hadn’t occupied a very important place in Jake’s life, either.
Leaving
