hormones that were making her cry like this, making her feel so weak and vulnerable!
‘Mariella.’
Mariella froze with shock as she felt the warmth of Xavier’s exhaled breath against her skin, as he crossed the space between them and took her in his arms.
‘Don’t!’ His voice was rough with pain. ‘I can’t bear the thought of knowing that you and my child, the two people I love the most, will be lost to me, but I can’t bear either knowing that I have forced you to stay with me against your will. When you came to me in the desert, gave yourself to me… it was as though you had read my mind. Shared my thoughts and my feelings, known how much I had wanted us to be together, and known too that I had been waiting for the right opportunity to approach you and tell you how I felt, but I was conscious of what had happened during your own childhood with your father. I wanted to win your belief in me, your trust of me… before I revealed to you how much I wanted to ask you to share my life! I knew how strong your sense of commitment was, your sense of responsibility, and I knew that the future of my people would rest safely in your hands. I thought that together you and I could… but I was wrong, as you made very clear to me… You didn’t love me; you didn’t even really want me. You merely wanted someone to father your child.
‘I want and need both of you here with me more than I can find the words to tell you, but I cannot bear to see you so distressed. I shall make arrangements for you to return to England if that is what you want, but what I would ask you is that you allow me to play at least some part in my child’s life, however small. I shall, of course, make financial provision for both of you… that is not just my duty, but my right! But at least once a year I should like your permission to see my child. To spend time with him or her. If necessary I shall come to your country to do so. And…’
Mariella fought to take in what he was saying. Xavier wanted her. Xavier loved her. In fact he loved her so much that he was prepared to put her needs and wishes above his own!
A new feeling began to whisper softly through her, a soft warmth that permeated every cell of her body, melting away all the tiny frozen particles of mistrust and pain that had been with her from the very first moment she had known about her father. A feeling so unfamiliar, so heady and euphoric that it made her literally tremble with happiness, and excitement unfurled and grew inside.
Instinctively her hand touched her belly. Could her baby feel what she was feeling? Was he or she right now uncurling and basking in the same glow of happiness that was engulfing her?
Xavier’s hand covered hers and that small gesture brought immediate emotional tears to her eyes as she turned to look at him without any attempt to hide her emotions from him.
‘I didn’t know you loved me,’ she whispered.
‘You know now,’ Xavier responded.
She could see the bleakness in his eyes and the pain. Her body could feel the warmth of his hand even through her own. Gently she pulled her own hand away and leaned into him so that he could feel the growing swell of their child, her gaze monitoring his immediate and intense reaction.
Xavier would never do what her father had done, instinctively she knew that, just as she knew too how much time she had wasted, how much that was so infinitely precious to her she had risked and nearly lost because of her frightened refusal to allow herself to believe that not all men were like her father.
Alongside her bubbling happiness she could feel another emotion she had to struggle to identify. It was freedom, she recognised; freedom from the burden she had been carrying around with her for so long, and it was Xavier who had given her that freedom by giving her his love, by being man enough, strong enough to reveal his vulnerability to her!
She took a deep breath and then held tightly to her courage and even more tightly to Xavier’s arm.
‘It isn’t true what I said,’ she told him simply. ‘It wasn’t just sex. I tried to pretend it was to myself because I was too afraid to admit how I really felt, but I think I knew even before, and then afterwards when I still wanted you…’ Her skin turned a warm rose as she saw the way he was looking at her.
‘Don’t look at me like that,’ she protested. ‘Not yet, not until I’ve finished telling you… Otherwise…’
‘Still wanted, in the past tense or…’ Xavier pressed her huskily.
‘Still wanted then,’ Mariella informed him primly. ‘And still want now,’ she added, her own voice suddenly as husky and liquid with emotion as his had been. ‘I still want you, Xavier!’ she repeated. ‘And I don’t just want you, I need you as well. Need you and love you,’ she finally managed to say, her voice so low that he had to bend his head to catch her shaky admission.
‘You love me? But do you trust me, Mariella? Do you believe me when I tell you that I shall never, ever let you down or give you cause to doubt me? Do you believe me when I tell you that you and our child… our children, will always have my love and my commitment?’
Mariella closed her eyes and then opened them again.
‘Yes,’ she replied firmly, and her melting look of love told him that she meant it!
‘Xavier,’ she protested unconvincingly as he started to kiss her. ‘The others will be coming back.’
‘Shall I stop, then?’ he asked her, brushing his lips tormentingly against her own.
‘Mmm… No…’ Mariella responded helplessly, sighing in soft pleasure as his hand covered her breast, his thumb probing the aroused sensitivity of her nipple. Her whole body turned liquid with desire, making her cling eagerly to him.
‘Every night I’ve thought about you like this,’ Xavier told her rawly. ‘Wanted you… ached for you in my arms. Every night, and every day, and if I’d known that there was the smallest chance that you felt the same I would never have let you go. I warn you, Ella, that now that I do know I will never let you go.’
‘I will never want you to,’ Mariella responded emotionally. ‘Take me to bed, Xavier,’ she begged him urgently. ‘Take me to bed and show me that this isn’t all just a dream…’
She was in his arms and being carried from the salon into his bedroom almost before the words had left her mouth. And even if she had wanted to retract them it would have been impossible for her to do so with Xavier kissing her the way that he was, with all the passion and love, all the commitment she now recognised that she had secretly ached for all along.
EPILOGUE
‘WELL, what do you think of your anniversary present?’ Mariella asked Xavier lightly, whilst she watched him with a secret anxiety she was trying hard to hide.
She had been working on this special gift for him on and off ever since their marriage, only breaking off for their six-month-old son’s birth and the early weeks of his life.
Xavier shook his head, as though he found it hard to comprehend what he was seeing. ‘I knew you were working on something, but this…’
The stern note in his voice broke through her self-control, forcing her to reveal how much his approval meant to her. ‘You don’t like it—?’
‘Like it! Mariella.’ Reaching for her, Xavier wrapped her tightly in his arms.
‘There
