He didn’t say anything to that.
‘To be honest with you, Alexi, I haven’t come to terms with the fact myself yet,’ she continued heatedly.
The expression in his eyes didn’t change.
‘I was trying to think things through properly, allow my mind to clear so that I would know what I wanted to do before we talked.’
‘And how long was that going to take?’
She had never heard so much hostility in his tone.
‘Would it have been before you got rid of the baby, or after?’
‘How dare you say something like that to me?’ Anger rose like bile in her throat.
‘How dare you try to hide this from me?’ He came closer, and she could see condemnation etched in his expression like stone. ‘Is this the reason you gave in your notice the first time around?’
‘No! I didn’t know I was pregnant back then!’ She was horrified by the accusation. ‘I admit I did a test before we split up, but it came back negative. It scared the hell out of me, Alexi, it made me realise that our casual affair was dangerous territory!’
He stepped back from her.
‘Then I started to feel sick this morning, and I nearly passed out at the meeting, and suddenly I started to wonder if the test I did back then was accurate.’
She watched as he raked a hand through the darkness of his hair. ‘So in a panic I ran out and bought another one today. I couldn’t believe it when it came back with a positive result! I … I didn’t know what to say, what to do …’
He shook his head. ‘So the first thing you do is try to quit your job—try and walk away without even telling me.’ His voice was dry.
‘For heaven’s sake, Alexi, give me a break! My emotions are all over the place.’ Her voice cracked. ‘I admit I haven’t been thinking straight. But I’m probably still in shock!’
He nodded as if he accepted that, but the silence between them was loaded with tension.
‘So this morning, when you talked about wanting a more serious relationship, were you thinking about this situation?’ He asked the question bluntly.
‘No, I wasn’t even contemplating this situation!’ Her head jerked up and for a second her eyes blazed into his. ‘And you don’t need to worry, Alexi. You’re not involved in this at all. This is my baby. And if I do decide to go ahead with the pregnancy I won’t want anything from you,’ she continued emphatically. ‘You won’t be committed to anything, time or money.’
Something in Alexi’s eyes hardened now. ‘You can think again about that, Katie,’ he said quietly. ‘I’m involved in this whether you like it or not!’
‘You can’t force me into making a decision I don’t want! I will do what’s right for me at the end of the day—’
‘But this isn’t just about you any more!’ He cut across her angrily.
‘Do you think I don’t know that?’ She flared. ‘The responsibility for this feels huge, it’s already crushing me.’
‘Which is why we will have to share it.’ His tone was resolved.
‘We don’t have to do anything of the kind!’
‘Don’t fight me on this, Katie, because you will lose.’ The strength of his tone made her quake inside.
He walked away from her and looked out across the water towards the distant skyline of Manhattan. And for a long moment neither spoke.
‘You can’t make me have a termination if I don’t want one!’ Her voice trembled.
‘I haven’t mentioned the word “termination”.’ He looked around at her calmly.
‘Yet.’ She glared at him. ‘But I know what you are thinking. You’re thinking that if you pay for a private clinic and an abortion that that will absolve you—that will be your share of the responsibility, or at least as much of a share as you would want.’ Her words were tinged with bitter emphasis. ‘You just want the problem to go away.’
‘You don’t know the first thing about what I’m thinking right now!’ he told her heavily.
‘I know you! I know that you are commitment-phobic—and that you are the last person in the world who would want to become a dad!’
‘I admit since my marriage ended I’ve steered clear of serious relationships.’ He turned and gave her his full attention again. ‘But that doesn’t give you the right to judge me over this!’
She looked at him through narrowed eyes. ‘You didn’t want children when you were married, never mind now! I’ve heard the rumours.’
He became very still. ‘Have you, indeed?’
‘Yes! You didn’t want children and your ex-wife did.’ Katie waded in; she was past caring what he thought now. ‘So don’t stand there pretending to be something you are not. Don’t think you can pull the wool over my eyes, and then gently suggest an expensive little clinic when the moment’s right!’
‘You don’t know what the hell you are talking about, Katie.’ Alexi’s voice was low, but filled with such a quiet fury that it made her shiver.
‘I’m sorry.’ She was momentarily back-footed. ‘I probably shouldn’t have said that.’
‘No you shouldn’t!’
‘You’ve never talked about your marriage with me, so—’
‘So you went with the gossip-mongers’ version of events.’ He looked at her scathingly. ‘Just for the record, Katie, I loved my wife—and I would have done anything for her. But you’re right—once my marriage broke up I decided it was an institution best avoided. I decided not to invest again in any real relationships. Casual affairs were all I wanted, and I certainly had no plans to start a family.’
Katie tried to ignore how that acknowledgement made her feel, tried to quash down the pain that simmered beneath the surface. She knew she didn’t mean anything to him. It was old news, she told herself staunchly.
She tipped her chin up proudly. ‘So you don’t need to concern yourself with this pregnancy now. Because I’m not asking you to invest in anything, Alexi—emotionally or otherwise. I saw the way you looked at me this morning when I even mentioned wanting a meaningful relationship! And don’t worry,’ she continued hurriedly, ‘I really wasn’t hinting at anything, I really didn’t know I was pregnant at that moment. And I meant it when I said I didn’t think we would be right together. What we had was just a fling, it wasn’t supposed to end like this!’
‘No, it wasn’t,’ he agreed with her quietly. ‘We were careful, we took precautions. But accidents happen.’
Something inside Katie twisted.
His
