His eyes darkened. ‘Come on, baby …’ He stroked a hand down over her cheek and she closed her eyes weakly as a flood of tears sparkled afresh, blurring her vision. ‘You need to keep strong,’ he said softly.
‘Yes, I know. I keep telling myself that.’ Her eyes flicked open and met with his. ‘But if I lose the baby then our marriage is over, isn’t it, Alexi?’ She whispered the words. ‘We both know that, so there is no point in pretending anything else, is there?’
For a second she saw a muscle pulsing in the side of his jawline. ‘You can’t talk like that, Katie,’ he said quietly. ‘You just can’t!’
He closed the door and walked round to the driver’s side.
He was right, she shouldn’t have said that! Because voicing it made it all the more real. And the thought of losing their child was too much to bear for Alexi. She’d seen it in his eyes.
She bit down on her lip and tried to concentrate on her breathing as the pain inside her started again.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
KATIE had looked pale and fragile against the white of the hospital bed-linen, her eyes an impossible shade of blue. The image stayed in Alexi’s mind as he paced outside in the corridor.
They were giving her a scan and she had refused to have him present. He’d been about to insist, but something about the pleading way she had looked at him had stopped him.
So now here he was, pacing outside the room like some draconian father-to-be.
A nurse left the room without glancing in his direction and then hurried back in a few moments later.
He didn’t think he could bear this.
He raked a hand through his hair. He’d made so many mistakes, he realised suddenly—he’d been blind and stupid …
‘If I lose the baby then our marriage is over, isn’t it, Alexi?’ Katie’s words played over and over through his mind like a broken tape-recording.
What the hell was he doing, waiting out here? He needed to be with her.
The door opened and the doctor came out. ‘You can go in now. She’s very tired so take it easy on her, OK?’
Katie watched as he walked towards the bed. She had never seen him so drawn, and her heart twisted with pain.
She remembered when he’d found her tonight—when he’d pulled her out of that car and wrapped her within the strength of his arms. She remembered how safe she had suddenly felt—until she’d remembered that she wasn’t safe at all … that without the baby she was nothing to him.
She swallowed hard. She hadn’t wanted him in the room when the doctors were running their tests, because she’d felt if they told her that their baby was dead she couldn’t handle it—that she needed to prepare herself before she could face him. That she needed every piece of inner strength to deal with what had happened.
‘Alexi, it’s—it’s OK.’ She whispered the words tremulously. ‘There is still a heartbeat. Our baby’s still fighting—she’s still alive.’
For a moment there was a look of intense relief on his face, a look that melted her heart. ‘I’m sorry I kept you outside—I just …’ She bit down on her lip. ‘I just couldn’t handle your disappointment, Alexi … not along with everything else.’
He sat down on the side of her bed and reached for her hand.
‘It’s still touch and go, though,’ she told him, trying to sound brave. ‘They need to do more tests—they say the next twenty-four hours will be crucial.’
His hand tightened on hers.
‘But at least I’m in the right place now.’ She tried to sound positive. ‘At least there is a chance now.’
‘Yes, at least there is a chance.’ For a moment his eyes raked over the beauty of her face, drinking her in. He noticed how even though she was so pale, and obviously in turmoil, her chin was tipped up and the old determination was back in her eyes.
‘God, Katie, can you ever forgive me …?’ he whispered suddenly.
‘Forgive you?’ She looked at him in puzzlement.
‘For trapping you into this marriage.’ He said the words so softly she could hardly hear him. ‘For making you rush into something that you really didn’t want—’
‘Alexi, I want what is best for our baby!’ Her eyes widened. ‘I need what is best for our baby.’
She said the words with such anguish that his heart twisted savagely.
‘I know.’ He cut across her fiercely. ‘I know you’ve put our child’s happiness above your own.’ He shook his head. ‘I can see it in your eyes. I can sense it sometimes just in the quietness of a moment when I glance at you—’
‘Alexi, don’t—’
‘And I’ve been such an idiot!’ He cut across her firmly. ‘I realised something tonight.’ He stroked a hand down over the side of her cheek. ‘Katie, I realised that, as deeply devastated as I would be at losing our baby, it would be nothing beside the pain of losing you …’
For a moment Katie wondered if she had misheard him.
‘I love you, Katie.’ He said the words huskily, his voice raw and almost broken.
She had never heard him sound like that before, and it made the tears well up even more inside her.
‘Am I dreaming this?’ she asked uncertainly, and he smiled.
‘You’re not dreaming, and I think I probably loved you from the first moment we met. Do you remember in the shipping office, surrounded by all those damn files and business plans?’
‘Of course I remember,’ she whispered. ‘But I don’t think you fell in love with me—you let me go … you let me walk away …’ Her voice trembled now as she remembered the end of their affair.
‘Yes, and I was stupid, Katie!’ His voice was fierce for a moment, his eyes burning into hers. ‘I was so tied up in the past that I couldn’t see what was right in front of me!’
‘You were still in love with Andrea.’ She nodded. ‘I realise that now.’
He looked at her in surprise. ‘Nothing could be further from the truth, Katie. I wasn’t still in love with Andrea. I got over that years ago!’
‘I don’t think so.’ She shook her head.
‘Katie.’ He took hold of her other hand. ‘I was badly burnt by Andrea. Yes, I did love her when we married. I was … besotted, I suppose is the word.’
Katie nodded and tried not to look like that hurt her … but it did. It hurt so much. ‘And you are still not over her.’
‘Believe
