right. You said it more than once. I remember because I was looking forward to going to uni.’
‘You can thank your father for my business degree.’
She frowned. ‘My father? I—’
‘He used to look at me as if I were something scraped off the bottom of his shoe. Left me in no doubt that I wasn’t worthy of his daughter.’ Ben would have liked to apply some apt swear words to his memories of Dr Randall Adams, but Sandy might not appreciate that.
Sandy protested. ‘Surely he didn’t say that to you? I can’t believe he—’
‘He didn’t have to say it. I saw his sneer.’
Her mouth twisted. ‘No wonder I never got your letters.’
Teen testosterone had made him want to flatten the guy. ‘But he had a point. To be worthy of his daughter I needed to get off my surfboard and make something of myself. I had deferred places at universities in both Sydney and Melbourne to choose from.’
‘You never said...’
‘At the time I had no intention of taking either. I just wanted to surf every good break at Big Ray Beach and work for my dad when I needed money to travel to other surf beaches. That summer... I guess it made me grow up.’
He’d been determined to prove Dr Adams wrong. And broadening his horizons had been the right choice, even if made for the wrong reasons. And now fate had brought Sandy back to him. Now they met as equals in every way.
‘You could have been studying at the same uni as me,’ Sandy said slowly. She pulled a face that looked sad rather than funny. ‘I won’t say if only again.’
They both fell silent. But Ben refused to give in to musing about what might have been. He had tortured himself enough.
Sandy cleared her throat. ‘What happened after you finished uni?’
‘I was offered a job in a big stockbroking firm in Melbourne. Got an apartment and stayed down there.’
‘But you came home for holidays? And...and met up with Jodi again?’
He could tell Sandy was finding the conversation awkward. She twisted the fabric of her skirt between the fingers of her right hand without seeming to be aware she was doing it.
‘I had an accident in the surf. Got hit in the face with the fin of my board.’ His hand went to the scar on his lip. ‘Jodi was the nurse who looked after me at the hospital.’
And it had started from there. A relaxed, no-strings relationship with a sweet, kind-hearted girl that had resulted in an unplanned pregnancy.
He’d said there were to be no secrets from Sandy, but Liam’s unexpected conception was something he didn’t want to share with her. Not yet. Maybe never.
‘Jodi moved down to Melbourne with me after we got married.’
‘What...what brought you both back to Dolphin Bay?’
‘I’m not a city guy. I’d had it with Melbourne. The insane work hours, the crowds, the traffic. Mum and Dad were tired of running the guesthouse. Jodi wanted to be with family when she had the baby.’
He gritted his teeth, trying not to let himself be overwhelmed by emotion when he thought of his baby son. The son he’d loved so fiercely from the moment he’d been placed in his arms as a newborn and yet hadn’t been able to protect.
‘I could trade shares from here. Start business projects here.’
There was another pause. Sandy twisted the edge of her skirt even tighter. ‘Those ladies... They...they said Jodi’s parents wouldn’t be happy with me coming onto the scene.’
Ben clenched his hands into fists. Who were these busybody troublemakers? If he found out he’d tell them to damn well butt out of his business.
He shook his head. ‘Not true. Jodi’s mum and dad are good people. They want me to...to have someone in my life again.’
Sandy’s eyes widened. ‘You know that for sure?’
‘Yes. They’ve told me not to let the...the tragedy ruin my life. That...that it’s not what Jodi would have wanted.’
‘And you believe that? About Jodi?’
He nodded. His words were constricted in his throat. ‘The night Liam was born she told me that if anything happened to her—she was a nurse and knew there could be complications in childbirth—she didn’t want me to be on my own. She...she made me promise I would find someone else...’
‘Oh, Ben.’
Sandy laid her hand on his arm. He realised she was close to tears. When she spoke again her voice was so choked he had to strain to hear her.
‘How can I live up to such a wonderful woman?’
In a few shaky steps she made her way around the counter and stood with her back to him. She picked up a book from the display and put it back in exactly the same place.
‘Sandy, it isn’t a competition.’
Her voice was scarcely a murmur. ‘There would always be a third person in our relationship. I don’t know that I could deal with that...’
‘Sandy, didn’t you hear what I said? Jodi would want me to take this chance to spend time with you.’
She turned to face him, the counter now a barrier between them. Her eyes, shadowed again, searched his face. ‘Jodi sounds like...like an angel.’
Ben forced himself to smile through the pain. ‘She’d laugh to hear you say that. Jodi was special, and I loved her. But she was just a human being, like the rest of us, with her own strengths and weaknesses.’
‘Ben, I’m no angel either. Don’t expect me to be. I’m quick to make judgements, grumpy when I’m hungry or tired—and don’t dare to cross me at my time of the month. Oh, and there’s the toilet roll thing.’
Despite the angst of talking about Jodi, Sandy made him smile. Just as she’d done when she was eighteen. ‘You can let me deal with that.’
She pushed the hair away from her forehead in a gesture of weariness. ‘I...I don’t know that I’ve thought this through very well.’
‘What do you mean?’ he asked.
Fear knifed him again.
He’d had five major turning points in his life. One when he’d decided to go to university. The second when he’d married Jodi. The third when Liam was born. Fourth, the fire. And the fifth when he’d looked up from that wave this morning and seen Sandy standing on the shore next to his dog, as if she were waiting for him to come home to her.
Since he’d kissed her he’d thought of nothing but Sandy. Of the impact she’d made in less than twenty-four hours on his safe, guarded, ultimately sterile life.
He
