Matt, I don’t. Our past together has proved that. We had our chance together and it wasn’t enough for you, and this change of heart isn’t enough for me.” She hadn’t even known herself that was how she felt until the words were out of her mouth. She looked at him and understood that part of him was right, she would always be his, but she couldn’t trust him, and without trust they couldn’t move forward.
“Kate, when was the last time you trusted me?” He knew her too well. He also probably knew the honest response. That night when he’d asked her if she trusted him and then made love to her. She was going to be honest, even if he wasn’t.
“Our last night together at Brown.”
“When was the last time you believed I loved you?”
“The same.”
He didn’t say anything. He reached over and lifted her towards him as though she weighed nothing. He placed her astride him, and she had to place her hands on his shoulders to stop herself from colliding with him. He gently pushed her hair away from her face and pressed his lips to hers. It was them, as they had been.
His lips were soft, the only soft part of a hard man. He didn’t make any move to deepen this kiss, to open her to him. She felt him pull away and opened her eyes with surprise. He had tangled his hand in her hair and from her position on his hips she could feel the hard bulge pressing into the core of her. But he wasn’t moving any further and treacherously she wanted him to.
“Kate…” He quickly touched his lips to hers again before continuing. “Let me prove to you that I love you.” He swept her hair away from her neck and started pressing his lips against its length.
Did he love her? She didn’t know, just as she didn’t know if she could ever trust him enough to believe the words she had waited so long to hear.
“What if you can’t?” she whispered, her sense of reason managing to escape before it was completely lost to his touch.
He stopped and cupped the side of her face, returning his eyes to hers. “I will, Kate. This desire, this passion between us is there for a reason, and it’s not going away. I’m not going away.”
Of all the words he could have said, the promise not to leave was the most important thing for her to hear.
He wanted her. She believed that from his touch and the physical pull between them. He’d said he’d lied, but when? Had it been nine years ago or tonight? Did it matter? The only truth She knew was that she wanted him too and that feeling was not going away. Risks versus benefit, she thought to herself. She was pretty sure he couldn’t break her the way she had been broken before, but maybe being with him again would help heal the wounds that had been left between them. Or maybe it would simply cure her burning need to experience again what had been physically and emotionally so nearly perfect that night all those years ago.
She moved her hands from his shoulders and ran her fingers through his hair as she returned her lips to his. She tugged gently at his lower lip, a physical act of agreement, and he responded. The pressure from his lips increased and she felt her lips part as his tongue swept their thin line. She opened her mouth to him and savored the feeling of him exploring and tasting her, responding with equal fervor. He broke from her mouth and moved along her neck as his hands swept under her shirt along her bare back.
Moving forward, his thumbs brushed the sides of her breasts, and her need increased a hundred times over. She reached down to the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head and off her overheated body. Then she did the same to Matt, wanting to feel their bare skin touching. He kissed her again as their bodies pressed and she instinctively ground her throbbing core against him.
She sighed with relief when she felt the clasp of her bra unhook and the weight of her now heavy breasts drop. She pulled away slightly and Matt threaded the black lace bra off her body. She experienced satisfaction, watching and feeling him cup her breasts in his hands. His thumbs traced the outline of her nipples before rolling them gently between his fingers. It was torture, sweet, sweet torture. She moaned the word “More” and watched Matt smile a very familiar smile as he took the nipple into his mouth. His other hand never left the other breast and it was hard to cope with all the different sensations of pleasure running through her body. She needed something to focus on or she thought she might actually faint from the intensity of his touch.
She ran her hands down the hard, flat plane of his abdomen to the waistband of his jeans. She tugged open the belt, button and zipper, releasing him into her hand. He was so hard that he easily slipped through the fly opening in his underwear, allowing her to touch and caress his naked length. Her hand stroked his entire length, fantasizing about the moment when all of him would be inside her. Her thumb circled his tip, slick already with desire. She felt his hold on her breast and the intensity with which he was sucking her nipple increase as he groaned against her.
“Kate,” he moaned, as he released her breasts so that he could use his hands to gently remove hers from him. Gray eyes met blue as they stared at each other with looks of agreement about where this was headed.
She pulled herself up off his lap and led him down the hall towards her bedroom. She didn’t turn on a light but the uncovered window allowed in the city’s night-light glow, which reflected off their bodies. She finished what she had started and while standing in front of Matt, facing him, she removed the rest of her clothing. He stepped towards her and she removed his as well, until they were both naked.
His hands returned to her face and hair and he pressed his lips against hers again, like the calm before the storm. Kate gasped as he lifted her from her feet and deposited her on the bed. She felt a shiver course through her body and couldn’t tell if it was from the night air against her naked skin or from anticipation.
She didn’t stay cold for long. She watched Matt study her before he joined her, covering her body with his own. She savored the feel of the weight and the heat of him against her. She opened her hips as each leg wrapped around him until he was positioned perfectly, as much her doing as his.
He didn’t enter her. He stayed motionless below the waist, even though she was arching and pushing against him. He started kissing her again, her lips, her neck, her breasts and nipples. His body weight was held on one arm and as Kate writhed beneath him she unconsciously absorbed the beautiful architecture of the muscles in that arm and shoulder. His free hand caressed down her side towards the inside of her thigh. She had never wanted something so badly and she grabbed his hips in an attempt to pull him forward, but again he resisted.
She felt his lips and the stubble of his cheek return to her neck when he again moaned against her. “Kate, I’m trying really hard to take things slow this time and make love to you the way I should have, but you’re making it really, really hard.”
“Please, Matt,” she begged, still struggling towards his final possession. She could see the change in him. His resolution faded and the small upward turn of a smile appeared at the corner of his mouth.
He stroked her leg one last time from her bottom to the knee that was crooked around his back. His hands went to either side of her head as he pressed forward and she felt the tip of him at her entrance. The slight touch after the agony of waiting caused her to catch her breath and close her eyes with pleasure.
“Kate, open your eyes and look at me.”
She did so and the moment they made contact he pushed into her so deeply that she didn’t know where he ended and she began. He moved slowly at first, his eyes never leaving hers as he stroked within her. There was no pain this time, just pleasure and a sense of completeness that
