do her best to live up to his expectations.
‘I wish I was as confident as you.’ She’d even mentioned resigning to Mike a couple of days ago but he’d known it for the halfhearted gesture it had been. She loved working as an AP and this was the only full-time ambulance station within a hundred kilometres. Her plans for owning a catering business were for the future, not now when she could help so many people when they were ill or distressed.
Mike stepped closer, the concern in his eyes worrying. ‘Fraser’s in the tearoom. Come and have a coffee, break the ice while everyone’s around. You have to get past this moment, whatever’s causing it.’
Gulp. There was another option. She could run away. So you’re a coward now? Face it, Fraser can’t hurt you any more. That’s done and dusted. And he was the one who did the running away, remember? Pushing her shoulders back, sucking in another deep breath, she plonked the checklist down on the front seat of the ambulance and squeaked, ‘You’re right.’ She owed this man who’d given her a break and taken her on at a time when he’d had many applicants, some far more qualified than her. Tapping his shoulder, she gave a weak smile. ‘Thanks.’
At the tearoom door her shaky resolution backed off. Standing with his back to her, talking to Chloe and Ryan, who were about to take over on Blenheim Two for the day shift, was Fraser. Her first glimpse of him since she’d come home from Dunedin to get ready for their wedding, fully expecting him to follow her three weeks later.
Her heart bumped hard against her ribs as she drank in the sight of him. Fraser’s tall, lean body had morphed into a broader, more muscular version of the body she’d known intimately. On Fraser the very ordinary uniform looked like something out of a style magazine. The black pants hugged his mouth-watering butt in a way that made her fingers itch.
What had seemed difficult had just become darned near impossible. Right now her heart was squeezing tight with raw longing, and her eyes were filling as an alien tenderness overtook her. Transfixed, she drank in the sight of this man who’d dominated her thoughts one way or another for all her adult life.
She swallowed, hard. ‘Hello, Fraser.’
He turned slowly. Nervous? Unwilling to face her? It had never occurred to her over the past few days that he might find this situation as difficult as she was. But maybe he did. After all, he still owed her an explanation, not to mention an apology.
‘Nikki.’ He gulped. ‘You’re looking good.’ His rich, golden-honey voice washed over her, bringing with it a storm of sweet memories.
Memories that until this moment she’d believed she’d deleted from her mind. Fraser murmuring to her as they’d lain tangled in the sheets of their small double bed in the cosy flat they’d shared with two other med students in Dunedin. Fraser egging her on to beat him at strip poker then laughing like crazy when she’d lost.
Stop it. Focus. Concentrate. Remember everything else. The burning humiliation, the pain in her heart so big she thought she’d die.
Nikki stared at him, speech impossible. He looked … different. That full, generous mouth, strong jaw line, the autumn-brown eyes all were tight with wariness instead of the constant laughter she remembered. But that was the least of the changes. His face had deep lines running either side of his mouth. A jolt of shock ripped through her as she looked further. His once straight, thick, chocolate-brown hair was streaked with grey, and curls spun over the tops of his ears, coiled at the edge of his collar.
What had happened? Was that why he’d done a runner? No. She refused to accept that as an excuse for his actions. If anything had gone wrong he’d have told her, and they’d have sorted it—together.
From somewhere a long way away Mike said, ‘Let’s have coffee while it’s quiet. Fraser, you’ll be pleased to know Nikki puts her cooking skills to great use and keeps us supplied with yummy treats.’
Nikki jumped. For a brief moment she’d forgotten where she was. A quick look around the staffroom showed Gavin and Amber watching this meeting with interest, as were the other day crew, who’d just arrived. Amber, her friend and flatmate, should’ve clocked off by now, but had probably hung around to meet the new guy. Questions blazed from her eyes, warning Nikki there’d be an interrogation later.
Fraser spoke into the silence. ‘My stomach’s doing flips already.’
Nikki looked into his eyes, really looked, and locked gazes with him. She saw pain and resignation, determination and wariness, all tumbled together. None of the extreme confidence she’d known before. Again, shock tilted her sideways.
‘So, how are you?’ he asked softly.
Her chin pushed forward. ‘Fine, good, busy.’ Dumbstruck, clueless about how to deal with you.
‘It is really good to see you. You look different somehow.’ Fraser’s tone sounded genuine, as his eyes appraised her slowly.
Too darned slowly. Making her skin heat. Drying her mouth. Huh? What was going on here? Had to be the sleepless nights catching up with her. Why else would she be feeling these odd sensations for a man she no longer trusted enough to make her a coffee?
Fraser moved forward, his arms lifting in her direction. To hug her?
Yikes. No way. Not now, not here. Not ever. Quickly shoving her right hand out, she gripped his, shook it perfunctorily and let go. But not before something she hadn’t felt for five years zinged up her arm. Desire.
Fraser heard Nikki mutter, ‘Dang.’ She spun away, her thick dark blonde plait swinging across her back as she added, ‘I need coffee.’
Fraser grimaced. He could relate to that. Strong, black coffee might just fix what ailed him. Temporarily.
As if the mess he’d created way back when he’d learned he wasn’t invulnerable could ever be fixed. Even with the best reasons in the world there was no denying he’d mucked up big time. Especially with this woman standing within reaching distance and looking as remote as the top of the Himalayas.
He couldn’t prevent himself watching every movement Nikki made as she crossed to the whiteboard where case studies were written up for everyone to read and learn from. Despite the bulky green jacket she wore she seemed leaner than he remembered. Her steps were more deliberate, as though she’d lost the constant spring in her walk. Nikki Page. The girl he’d cherished at school. The woman he’d desperately wanted to marry. The lady he’d walked away from. Walked? Sped from, more like. He’d broken her heart. He’d also broken his own. Completely.
But he’d eventually got over her. Or so he’d thought. He’d truly believed that or he’d never have come to work here, despite how much he needed to become an AP for his father’s sake.
‘How do you take your coffee, Fraser?’ Mike waved a mug at him, thankfully shifting his focus for a second.
‘Black, thanks.’ His gaze instantly returned to Nikki. Hell, a few moments ago he’d nearly hugged her. Why? Trying to prove that seeing her again was easy, that he had no hang-ups from the past? Proving it to Nikki? Or himself? Suddenly he felt unsure of everything—his plans to remain in Blenheim and settle down, his yearning to claw back the friendships he’d known before he’d messed up.
‘I’ve got some cereal here for our breakfast,’ the girl introduced to him as Amber told Nikki. Then waved the box at him. ‘Fraser?’
Nikki’s
