once, when we were little. When did it all fall apart?”
Karen took a fortifying breath. No matter how difficult and no matter what the consequences, the time had come to clean the slate and finally be honest with both herself and Sam.
“I guess it started when I began blaming you for Dad walking out on us and Mom living vicariously through you in her quest for fame and, in the process, forgetting she had two daughters.” Karen looked away, ashamed now of how long she’d allowed her petty, misplaced blame to stand between them. “But you were as much a victim as I was.” She shrugged. “Maybe more so. After having a long talk with Dad today at the party, I understand why he left. It couldn’t have been easy for him watching Mom steal our childhood by treating me like a stepchild and dragging you from beauty pageant to beauty pageant.” All the years of loneliness that had burned inside her seemed to melt away with each word she spoke. She pushed on.
“You were the shining star and I became the invisible child. Samantha’s hanger-on sister. Mom’s unwanted burden. Somewhere along the way I began to resent you for it. It wasn’t until years later that I realized that Mom never gave you a choice. By that time, I didn’t know how to fix things between us.” Her eyes burned with unshed tears. “Can we fix it?” She blinked the tears away and met her sister’s gaze. “Can we?”
“Isn’t that what we’re doing?” Sam smiled and squeezed Karen’s hand. “It’s in the past, sweetie. If I’ve learned anything in the last few months, it’s that we have to let the past rest and not taint today. Life is too short for should-haves. Sometimes we’re so busy worrying about what was that we miss out on what can be.”
Emotion clogging her throat, Karen could only nod. She didn’t think she deserved Sam’s forgiveness, but she was infinitely glad that she’d given it, especially now. Never had she needed her sister more.
“The Ellis sisters are reunited, so where are the smiles?” Tilting her head, Sam frowned. “Could it be that burying the hatchet isn’t the only thing that brought you here?”
“Not entirely. Truth is, I’m—” Karen swallowed hard, summoning the courage to let go of her precious secret.
Sam got up and came around the table. She drew up a chair beside Karen and put her arm around her sister’s shoulders. “You’re what?” She waited, but Karen still couldn’t find the words. “Come on. We’re sisters. Sisters share.” Sam laid her forehead against Karen’s. “Remember how we used to whisper our secrets to each other after Mom and Dad went to bed?”
Unable to force words past the clog of emotion in her throat, Karen nodded.
Her sister squeezed her hand again. “Well, I’m still willing to be your confidante.”
Karen raised her head. “You’re the best.”
Responding with a grin and a wink, Sam looked happier than Karen could remember ever seeing her. “That’s what A.J. tells me.”
The all-too-familiar ache of loneliness that had squeezed her heart for the last three months grew inside Karen. Sam was so lucky to have A.J. Her handsome detective husband doted on her, and anyone with eyes in their head could see the depth of his love for his wife.
“Sam, I’m pregnant.”
The words tumbled out before Karen could stop them, but as she said them, she felt the tension drain from her body. Until that very moment, she hadn’t realized how much it had been costing her to carry this burden alone.
Sam’s mouth fell open. Surprise and delight danced across her features. Then she hugged Karen. “That’s wonderful. When are you due? What about your husband? I didn’t even know you’d gotten married.” Her eyes filled with questions, Sam leaned closer and studied Karen for a long moment. “Why do I get the feeling that you’re not a happy mother-to-be?”
Sunshine sifted through the window and beat down on Karen’s cold, tightly clenched hands. Amazed that talking about this could still hurt so much, she reached deep down inside and summoned the words of explanation. “I’m thrilled about the baby, but…I’m not married, Sam. The baby’s father, Paul Jackson, died three months ago in a forest fire in upstate New York.” Old pain muffled the last few words. She cleared her throat of emotion. “He didn’t know about the baby. Aside from my doctor and now you, no one else knows.”
Smoothing her hand over her flat stomach, Karen couldn’t help but smile. At three and a half months, she wasn’t showing yet, which had helped her keep her secret. The weight loss she’d suffered from morning sickness and the shock of Paul’s death had kept her pregnancy concealed from everyone but her doctor. And that’s the way she’d wanted it, until now.
Paul’s child was all she had left of him, and she wanted to treasure that for a bit longer. Not having the opportunity to mourn Paul in the normal way, the process had been hard for Karen to weather, but she’d made it. But only by reminding herself of her responsibility to her child. Memories of Paul continued to haunt her. But memories weren’t the only thing on her mind.
“There’s something else.” Karen grasped Sam’s arm in a desperate grip. “I want this baby to have the family we never had. I want to find Paul’s family and tell them about the baby. Will you help me?”
Perplexed, Sam stared at Karen. “I don’t understand. Why don’t you know where his family is? Didn’t you meet them at his funeral?”
Memories bombarded Karen again. “I didn’t go to Paul’s funeral. I didn’t even know anything had happened until I called the ranger station to find out why I hadn’t heard from him. By that time, Paul had been dead for weeks. The funeral and burial had already been held.
“As for family, Paul and I never discussed his or mine.” She felt the heat of her cheeks blushing slightly. “We only had a few months together, and I guess we were too busy being in love to care about our pasts. Then again, maybe we sensed that neither of us wanted to discuss our families. All I know is that he was from the Midwest and he graduated from Cornell University’s School of Forestry, where he met Jesse Kingston, his fellow ranger and best friend. I’ve contacted the university and they gave me the same runaround as the Adirondack Mountains Preserve’s ranger station—it’s against policy to give out any personal information.”
Sam thought for a moment. “Did you do a search for Paul on the Internet?”
Karen grimaced. “Do you know how many Paul Jacksons there are in the Midwest? Millions. I don’t even know which state to focus on.”
Sam sighed. “Jeez, Karen, I want to help you, but I’m not sure how.” Deep in thought, she drummed her fingertips on the tabletop. “What about his friend, this Jesse what’s-his-name? Wouldn’t he know how to locate Paul’s family?”
“Jesse Kingston.” Karen sighed. “Another dead end. When I called to talk to him, he’d just left for home on medical leave, and the ranger station wouldn’t give me his address.”
A broad grin broke across Sam’s face. “Well, I happen to have connections within the firefighting community, and my connections have connections.” She picked up the phone, punched in a number from memory and waited. “Rachel, I need a favor. Can you find the home address for a forest ranger named Jesse Kingston? He’s based in upstate New York’s Adirondack Mountains Preserve.” Sam paused. “I’ll explain later, just find it for me as soon as you can and call me back.” She covered the receiver with her hand and turned to Karen. “Do you want her to get Paul’s
