and crème brûlée on a cliff by the ocean on Catalina. We were talking about random stuff like what kind of cheese is in cheesecake and how it’s weird that Italy is shaped like a boot and what was really going on in the movie Vanilla Sky. Then he got all serious.
“You know something…Dylan made a good point the other night.”
“Which was?”
“Us being apart as much as we are. It’s not right.”
“Oh, that.” I didn’t want him thinking I was some baby who went around bawling about how neglected she was. “Well, let’s not judge ourselves by anything Dylan has to say. He’s pretty much just a big dorky asshole.”
He laughed. “No, just outspoken, I think. An unexpected voice of reason.”
“That’s putting it very tactfully. Like saying he’s one sweet son of a bitch.”
He laughed again. Then he put his hand in mine and looked at me with soulful eyes. “Really, though. There’ve been some things on my mind that I’ve been wanting to talk to you about. I thought now that we’re alone would be a good time. What do you think?”
My heart was pounding as I nodded. I was expecting him to tell me he was tired of things the way they were, tired of me, tired of our relationship. I was too young, too silly and lacking direction. I was never serious, completely trivial, and always broke because I made impractical purchases like my Louis Vuitton Mary Janes and those strass-inlaid Chanel sunglasses that were almost as much as my rent payment but so fucking glamorous I just couldn’t deny myself. I felt jittery and nervous. What if he’d done some research and now he knew all the things about me he wasn’t supposed to know? What if he wanted to tell me what a horrible person I was for acting the way I did in his absence?
But that wasn’t it at all. Instead he started talking about the future and how much I meant to him and how he didn’t want to lose me but he was leaving again. Not just leaving to go home but really leaving. He’d gotten his next placement. He had to be in Cameroon by August 1 and would be staying six months. He said he was afraid that one of these days someone else was going to snatch me up while he was gone. He said he was afraid that I was going to find someone else. Fireworks exploded in the black sky above, shimmering gold and pink and green on the black ocean below. He asked me if I would marry him when he got back, and said that if I wanted, he would give up his career for me.
How grand and traditional. A moonlight proposal by the sea.
“Are you sure you want to marry me?” was all I could think to say.
“Why would you ask me something like that?” he laughed.
I guess because there are two sides to every story. The Roman me, the me he sees, is the nice Dalton. The lover. The one I would be all the time, if the mean Dalton, the hater, wasn’t always demanding her share of the limelight. That Dalton has fists. She bullies the nice one into submission. She says, “Listen, when you’re nice people fuck with you. When you’re not, you can fuck with them.”
Good Dalton says why. Bad Dalton says why not.
“I could see us getting married,” I said thoughtfully.
“So can I,” he said eagerly.
A thought popped into my head. Electra once saying our relationship is chaste.
I may tone it down around him, but I’m still far from darling. It’s not like we never get down. It’s not like we sit around listening to Mozart and comparing Monet and Matisse. Roman himself is not some stiff. He is a wild man. He speaks other languages and I’m not talking just French and Spanish. He lives most of his life in jungles and deserts that most civilized people wouldn’t go to if their lives depended on it. He wears his hair longer like a gay man or a celebrity and isn’t ashamed of it. He has a real camera, the kind that cost a thousand dollars and not some cute pink thing from Toys “R” Us with Barbie written on it.
We are not chaste. We are classy.
“But I would never ask you to give up your career,” I said boldly. “Your work is your whole life.”
He slipped the ring onto my finger. “Not my whole life, Dalton.”
He doesn’t call me Doll like everybody else does. As the story goes, my mom thought that my given name of Dalton was too heavy at first so she shortened it and it stuck. I guess the real spelling should be Dal but then people would mispronounce it because people can be stupid like that. Doll’s fine with me…but I draw the line at Dolly. No fucking way.
The ring itself was a shining band of platinum, crowned with a glittering two-carat piece of ice that could catch the sparkle in someone’s eye from across the room. I wore it wound around the designated finger of my left hand like a collar encircling a dog’s neck. All the time fluttering my hand and watching it wink at me in defiance, representing everything I have ever, and never wanted. But I think these are things most every woman wants even if she acts like she doesn’t. It’s just all so confusing when it really comes down to that one final choice about your life. It’s kind of strange to finally have to say, this person is The One and Only One for the rest of eternity.
To be honest, it’s overwhelming. Not because I don’t want him. I definitely want him. I’m just overwhelmed because the last time I saw him he was my long-distance boyfriend and now he’s my future life partner. Forever.
“Can I go to Cameroon with you?” I asked.
“Well…getting the directorship doesn’t exactly mean I’ll have carte blanche in Africa,” he told me. “It actually means I’m going to have to work like a dog. I’ll hardly have time to sleep, much less show you a decent time there. And Cameroon rocks, but it’s not the kind of place a girl like you would enjoy on her own.”
I was disappointed. After becoming engaged…you’d think…I don’t know. I suddenly felt like the only difference was me having a sparkly reminder of Roman that got snagged in my hair.
“We’ll do it like so,” Roman said. “I’ll go and do this for six months. I’ll perform so brilliantly and dazzle Landon so hard that he won’t even blink when I appeal to him to let me stay in D.C. for a while, later, so that we can have a real home and life together there before I’m expected to take on another project.”
“That works for me,” I said.
“You’re so understanding,” he told me, eyes all limpid. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”
“I think it’s the other way around.”
“Nonsense, Dalton. I’m the lucky one here.”
We were driving home a couple of days later when something occurred to me. As we cruised past the Overland exit on the 10, the one that leads to Jeremy’s apartment, it occurred to me that “forever” with my future life partner is not supposed to include my current partner in crime.
But what am I, crazy? Jeremy practically hates me. He treats me like a nuisance. The same way I treat him.
We pulled into the driveway. Roman got our luggage and took it into the house, where my roommates were camped out in the living room, watching a Brat Pack movie marathon.
“I got engaged,” I reported.
Electra
