whirled around and glared at her, eyes flashing. “Oh, you love being able to say that, don’t you?”
“What, the truth?”
Pam laughed harshly, walked toward the desk and leaned on the back of the visitor’s chair, positioned directly opposite Amanda. Shaking her short hair back from her face, she stared at her sister and blew out a breath before saying, “That just makes it better for you, doesn’t it? It’s the truth. Nathan chased after you all those years ago and now he’s doing it again.”
Just for a second, Amanda saw a sheen of tears in her sister’s eyes and she felt terrible. Then Pam spoke again and all sympathy went out the window.
“Hannah Poole is sitting out there right now,” Pam said, stabbing one finger toward the diner, “telling everyone how she saw Nathan’s car parked outside your place all night.”
Amanda winced a little. Well, they’d both known it would happen. They’d just have to ride out the gossip and wait for the first wave to dissipate.
“And this is my fault?” Amanda demanded.
“Oh, please.” Pam pushed off the chair, making the wooden legs clatter against the linoleum. “Like you don’t do everything you can to make sure he notices you. Big eyes. Soft voice.”
Amanda laughed shortly. This was getting weird. And how come she had never noticed before just how jealous of her Pam really was? “What are you talking about?”
“When you guys broke up before, it nearly ruined him,” Pam told her flatly. She took a deep breath and blew it out again before adding, “He stayed away from Royal for three years. He only saw his brother when Jake went to Dallas to visit him.”
They’d both lost a lot, Amanda thought. They had been so young that neither of them had reacted the way they should have to the tragedy that had torn them apart. They’d cut themselves off from not only each other, but also from their friends, their families. It was time they’d never get back, but hopefully, they’d learned something from all of that, too.
But even as she thought it, she wondered if she’d ever really be able to trust Nathan again. He hadn’t believed her. Hadn’t loved her when she had needed him most. Those dark days came back in a rush, swamping her mind with painful shadows until all she could do was whisper, “I stayed away, too, remember?”
Pam waved that off as if Amanda’s pain meant nothing. “This was Nathan’s home and he didn’t come back because he didn’t want to deal with having the town gossips tearing him apart. Over you.”
And just like that, old pain gave way to fresh anger. Pam was her sister and she was taking Nathan’s side in this? “And?”
“And now they’re doing it again.” Pam folded her arms over her chest and tapped the toe of one shoe against the floor. “And just like before, it’s all because of you.”
In a blink, Amanda’s temper ratcheted up to match her sister’s. Funny, when they were kids, Amanda had always looked up to Pam. And in an argument, Amanda had always backed down, both intimidated by her sister and unwilling to risk alienating Pam entirely. Well, she thought, those days were long gone. They were both adults now and Pam had been on her case for weeks already. Fine. They had problems—they’d either work them out or not. But damned if Pam was going to wedge herself between Amanda and Nathan.
“This isn’t any of your business, Pam. So back off.”
Pam drew her head back in surprise. But her stunned silence only lasted a second or two. “I’m not backing off. I’m the one who’s been here, Amanda. I’m the one who saw what you did to Nathan before. And I’m the one telling you to stop ruining his life.”
“Ruining his life? A little dramatic, don’t you think?”
“Hah. If the gossips chew on him for too long he’ll leave again.”
“Has it occurred to you that they’re gossiping about me, too?” She tipped her head to one side, mirrored Pam’s stance and waited. She didn’t have to wait long.
“That’s your own fault,” Pam scoffed. “For God’s sake, you lured him up to your bed and then were too stupid to tell him to move his car. You wanted the whole damn town to see.”
“I didn’t trick him into bed, Pam.”
“You didn’t have to.” Pam blinked frantically to clear away the fresh sheen of tears in her eyes. “All you have to do is be there and he can’t see anything else.”
Amanda steeled herself against feeling sympathy for her sister. Of course she was sorry to see Pam in pain, but not sorry enough to back away from Nathan so her sister could try to get him. Again. “I still don’t see how that’s my fault or your business.”
“Of course you don’t,” Pam said with an exasperated huff. “It’s my business because I care about Nathan. When he came home, I was the one who helped him settle in. He was unhappy for a long time. And, Amanda—” she paused and took a breath “—I just don’t want to see him like that again.”
That much, Amanda could understand. She didn’t want that, either. Because it would mean that whatever was between them had shattered again. Just the thought of that had a cold ball of ice settling in the pit of her stomach. Oh, God, she was never going to get over Nathan. How could she, when she was still in love with him?
Staggered by the sudden acknowledgment of what she was really feeling and worried about what it meant to her present—let alone her future—Amanda plopped down into her desk chair. Love? She hadn’t counted on that at all. She’d hoped to make her peace with her memories—not build new ones.
She was in deep trouble. Nausea rolled through her stomach in a thick wave that had her swallowing spasmodically.
“Hey …” Pam’s tone changed from banked anger to concern. “Are you okay?”
“No,” Amanda told her, and cupped her face in her hands. Oh, God, she was still in love with Nathan. A man she wasn’t sure she could trust. She didn’t even know how he felt about her! Seven years ago, Nathan had never told her that he loved her. Had left her the moment the reason for marrying her was gone.
Okay, yes, she was the one who had called off the marriage. But he hadn’t fought her. He’d simply walked away. As if losing her and their baby meant nothing to him.
Today, there was still no mention of the L-word and that hadn’t stopped her from once more falling for the only man she would ever love. She’d just tossed her heart into the air not knowing if it was going to crash and burn or find a safe home. “I really don’t think I’m okay at all.”
“This isn’t just a cheap ploy to end the argument, is it?”
On a sardonic laugh, Amanda looked up and met her sister’s eyes. “Trust me when I say, I really wish this was a ploy.”
Summer was rolling along like a runaway freight train.
