baby as a single mom. It was as if she’d been given a second chance to have all of the dreams she’d been denied so many years ago.
“This is …” He drew her into the house and closed the door. Tossing his hat onto the nearest chair, he laughed again. “This is great.”
Relief and joy swept through Amanda on a tide so high and wide, she could barely breathe through the richness of it. “You’re happy about the baby?”
“Happy?” Nathan laughed, reached out, grabbed her and swung her in a circle before finally setting her on her feet and pulling her in close. “Amanda, it’s like we’ve got a second chance, here.”
“That’s just what I was thinking,” she agreed, wrapping her arms around his waist and holding on. She leaned her head on his chest and listened to his galloping heartbeat.
“We can get married here at the ranch,” he said. “Actually, I was planning for us to be married, anyway.”
She went still, then drew her head back and looked up at him. “I’m sorry. You were planning for us to be married?”
“Yeah. I was going to tell you about it tonight.” He grinned at her. “But your news kind of threw my plan off.”
“Your plan.” A trickle of cold began to seep through the happy glow she’d been carrying inside.
He gave her a hard hug. “I figured we could get married here at the ranch.”
“Did you?” The cold went a bit deeper now, but she steeled herself against it.
The past seemed suddenly so much closer. She was reliving it all. His announcement that they would be married. The baby she carried. Would she also relive the shattered dreams?
Nathan frowned a little. “We don’t have to hold the ceremony at the ranch, but I thought it’d be easier. Terri will help you set everything up. I’ll help when I can, but I’m still looking for Alex and—”
He had it all worked out. And with every word he spoke, her heart sank a little bit more. The buzz of excitement and joy she’d felt earlier was quickly being swamped by feelings of disappointment and, okay, yes, irritation. She couldn’t believe this. Although, it was so typical of Nathan, she really should have expected it. Seven years ago, he’d done the same and she’d allowed it because she had wanted him badly enough to hope that one day he might tell her he loved her. Now, though, she wouldn’t settle. Slipping out of his arms, she took a step away from him, folded her arms over her chest and stared at the man who had held her heart since she was a kid.
How could she be so dispirited and so in love with him at the same time? Had to be a sort of cosmic joke on her that the one man who could drive her to distraction was the only man she’d ever wanted.
“So you’ve got everything figured out, have you?” Amanda asked, her voice soft and cool.
“Not completely,” he admitted. “But between the two of us it shouldn’t take long.”
“You’re right about that,” Amanda said, shaking her head as she looked up at him. “Won’t take long at all, since I’m not going to marry you.”
“Of course we’re getting married.”
“Nothing’s changed, has it?” she asked, not really expecting a response. “Seven years ago, you decided we’d get married and I went along.” He opened his mouth to speak, but she continued quickly. “But I’m not a kid anymore, Nathan. I make my own choices. My own decisions. I won’t let you push me into a marriage you don’t really want.”
“What’re you talking about?” He looked as astonished as he sounded.
“What I’m saying is, this is just like before. You’re offering marriage because I’m pregnant. Because it’s the right thing to do.” She turned abruptly and walked away from him, into the living room. He was right behind her.
The huge room boasted views of the ranch from every window. Across the drive, the main ranch house was brilliantly lit and Amanda knew that inside, Terri and her family were cozy and happy. Envy curled inside her and twisted around her heart like tangled ribbons. She’d like that for herself. For her child. But she wasn’t going to make the same mistakes she’d made seven years ago. She wouldn’t be a duty. She wouldn’t be a problem that Nathan felt honor bound to clean up.
“It’s the right thing to do because we belong together,” Nathan argued.
“Do we?” She didn’t know anymore. She’d always believed it, but she’d been shot down before and now, if she went along with Nathan’s plan she’d only be setting herself up for a possible repeat of history.
“I think we should talk this through,” he said.
She shook her head, never taking her gaze from the scene sprawling outside the window. She would miss it here, but it was definitely time to leave. Glancing over her shoulder at him, she said, “I don’t think so, Nathan.”
He was looking at her as if she’d sprouted another head. She could almost smile about that. Nathan was so used to being obeyed, he didn’t know what to do when someone simply said no.
So she took a breath and tried to explain. “Nathan, I know this is just instinct to you. To do the right thing. The honorable thing.”
“And that’s bad?”
“Of course it’s not bad,” she countered, and gave him a sad smile. “But it’s no reason to get married. I went along with your demands last time because, frankly, I was too scared to have a baby on my own. But I’ve changed, Nathan. And I’m not going to be just another duty to a man with too much honor. I want to be loved Nathan, or I’m not going to get married at all.”
He threw up his hands. “But I do love you.”
Pain sliced at her. If he’d led with that, maybe things would be different right now. But he hadn’t mentioned anything about love until he absolutely had to, so how could she trust it? How could she believe anything but that Nathan would use whatever he had to to win.
“I wish I could believe that,” she said after a long moment. “I really do.”
“Why the hell can’t you?” he argued. “Is it so impossible to believe?”
“Yeah, it is,” she said and moved farther away. God, she couldn’t stay here. Couldn’t be this close to him, knowing that she couldn’t have him. She needed to be home. Back in the tiny, hot box of an apartment over the diner. She needed to think.
“Amanda,” he said, stepping closer, keeping his gaze locked with hers. “You can believe me. I do love you.”
“No, you don’t,” she said, shaking her head as she backed up toward the chair where she’d dropped her purse earlier. “You just want me to fall in line and you know this is the way to manage it. No. It’s just a little too convenient, don’t you think? I say I won’t get married without love and boom. Suddenly you love me? I don’t think so.”
“It’s not suddenly,” he argued. “I’ve loved you most of my life.”
That stopped
