had never been more honest, had been so matter-of-fact about it when he’d discussed it with others, but he wasn’t feeling matter-of-fact now, because for the first time he was properly reliving that time. The flat tyres he’d come out to, the phone ringing in the night, that he didn’t even want to think of dating, not because he didn’t want to but because of what she might do to any woman he went out with.
‘It all went from bad to worse. In the end she just unravelled—she ended up being admitted to Psych and nearly lost her job.’
‘It’s not your fault.’ She saw the doubt in his expression. ‘Jed, the same way I wasn’t responsible for what my ex did.’
‘That doesn’t stop you looking back,’ Jed said. ‘I go over and over the time we were together and maybe I did let her think I was more serious than I felt.’
‘Oh, come on, Jed. She clearly had issues. If it hadn’t been you it would have been the next guy.’
‘But it was me,’ Jed said. ‘I had more than a year of it. She’s getting help now, apparently, but I just couldn’t stay around,’ Jed admitted. ‘I don’t think it was helping either of us to work in the same hospital and in the end I didn’t want to even be in the same city. That’s why I moved.’
‘That’s awful.’
‘It was,’ Jed said. ‘I wasn’t scared for myself, I could stop her physically, but when she started messing with people I knew, that was enough. And,’ Jed added, ‘I was scared for her too. It was awful to see someone who was basically nice just going to pieces.’ He managed his first smile since he’d arrived that evening. ‘Do you believe me now when I say I had no intention of getting involved with anyone at work?’
‘Yes.’
‘And do you understand why, when you got so upset that I might have once dated Penny, I thought it was all just happening again? I mean, the second we got serious, and we did get serious, you know that we did …’ He waited till she nodded. ‘Well, the next night I come round and you’re standing there, crying and begging to know if I’ve ever hooked up with Penny, if anything, anything had ever happened between us.’
‘I get it.’ Jasmine even managed to laugh. ‘I’d have freaked too, if I were you.’ She went over to him and he pulled her onto his knee. ‘I promise not to stalk you when we break up.’
‘Maybe we won’t.’
‘We’ll see,’ Jasmine said.
‘I know that you wouldn’t now, anyway. You handled the break-up brilliantly,’ Jed added. ‘I mean, a couple of late night phone calls wouldn’t have gone amiss—a few tears …’
Jasmine held her finger and thumb together. ‘Just a smidge of obsession?’
‘Careful what you wish for, huh?’ Jed smiled back. ‘I think I dreaded a break-up more than a relationship—and you …’ He smiled at her. ‘You just carried right on.’
‘Not on the inside.’
She’d never admitted it to anyone, not just about Jed but about her fears and her thoughts and how more than anyone in the world she hated confrontation, hated rows, and that, yes, she had been running away. ‘I’ve got to stop avoiding rows …’
‘I think it’s nice that you do.’
But Jasmine shook her head.
‘You’re a lot stronger than you think.’
She didn’t feel very strong sometimes and she told him a little of how it felt to be related to two very strong women who were so accomplished in everything they did.
‘Jasmine,’ Jed asked. ‘What do you want?’
‘Meaning?’
‘What do you want?’
She thought for a moment, about Simon safe and warm and sleeping in his cot and her job that she loved and her little home right on the beach and a relationship that looked like it might be working.
‘What I’ve got,’ Jasmine said.
‘And you’ve worked for it,’ Jed pointed out. ‘You could have listened to your mum and sister and been some high-powered lawyer or doctor and hating every minute of it, or you could be working in the fracture clinic because the hours are better, but instead you’ve stood your ground and you do a job you love … And,’ Jed added, ‘despite a lousy relationship you’ve got an amazing son and your heart’s back out there. I’d say you’re pretty strong.’
And he was right. She had everything she wanted, even if wasn’t what her mother or sister might choose. She did, even if it was misguided at times, follow her heart.
‘I do want a little bit more,’ Jasmine said.
‘What?’ He moved in for a kiss.
‘White walls,’ Jasmine whispered. ‘I’m on my fourth coat.’
And he looked at walls that were still green tinged and he started to laugh. ‘Did you put on an undercoat?’
He saw her frown.
‘Jasmine,’ he groaned. ‘I’ll do it at the weekend. But for now …’
It was bliss to be kissed by him again, bliss to be back in his arms and to know there were no secrets between them now, nothing more to know.
Except …
‘How did your interview go?’ She wriggled out of his kiss—there was so much she had missed out on.
‘Don’t worry about that now.’
‘But how did it go?’
‘Very well,’ Jed said. ‘I should know tomorrow.’
‘How did Penny go?’
‘Just leave it, huh? Suffice it to say I’m quietly confident but I’ll be fine if it doesn’t come off.’
‘Sure?’
‘Sure.’
And then he got back to kissing her and this time she didn’t halt him with questions. This time it was just about them, at least until Simon woke up. This time she didn’t hesitate, and brought him straight through.
‘Jed!’ Simon smiled when he saw him.
‘You outed us to Penny!’ Jed grinned and then he looked at Jasmine. ‘We need to go out.’
‘I know,’ she said. ‘I’ll speak to Ruby. I can’t just …’
‘I didn’t mean it like that,’ Jed said. ‘I mean that we need to announce ourselves to the world before Simon does.’
‘I think he already has,’ Jasmine said. ‘Can’t you feel them all watching us?’
He
