felt herself open up for him, and when he began to thrust into her she was crying out for him, her hands curling into his hair, her body arching up so that he could take her completely. Any fleeting discomfort was quickly overwhelmed by a surge of want and she came with soaring intensity. It was an out-of-body experience that left her shaking.
She didn’t want to let him go. She wanted to cling, to feel his perspiring body pressed up against her. She felt him as he came, shuddering inside her on a broken groan of satisfaction. There were no barriers between them in that moment of total surrender and she wished that she could hang on to the moment for ever.
When he reared up to discard the condom, she missed him.
‘Did the earth move for you?’ Theo teased, settling down next to her and pulling her into position so that they were both on their sides, bodies pressed close together. He could have done it all again, but he would have to exercise restraint even though her nakedness was continuing to drive him crazy.
Alexa lowered her eyes, because the feeling of sudden tenderness confused her. He’d stopped being a cardboard cut-out, and that was worrying, but she felt helpless to do anything about it. She couldn’t seem to recover her anger at the situation she was in.
‘So, no men before me?’ Theo mused. ‘Tell me why...’
Alexa shrugged.
‘You’re not going to get away with that. Didn’t you have boyfriends at university?’
‘Honestly...?’ she mused pensively. ‘Like I said, I wasn’t all that confident about the way I looked. I have an old-fashioned figure...’
‘Hourglass. It’s a shape that never goes out of style.’
Alexa laughed, liking the compliment even if it wasn’t true. ‘I guess I watched what my peer group was getting up to from the age of fifteen and knew that I couldn’t compete, so I decided I was just going to find my own path and that was academic. I really threw myself into my degree. Yes, of course I went out—but in a group. I’d already decided that I would only give myself to someone if I was in a loving relationship that was going somewhere...’
With dismay, she heard just how that sounded and was quick to rescue him from any false misconceptions. Marriage or not, he wasn’t in this out of any genuine feelings for her and she knew that. It was the same for her!
‘I didn’t think that I could be physically attracted to a man unless I had deeper feelings for him,’ she admitted.
‘Are you telling me you don’t have deeper feelings for me?’ Theo drawled, amused. ‘Tut-tut... Any self-respecting husband-to-be might be offended by that! Don’t underestimate the power of attraction, Alexa. You’d be surprised how many good intentions get trampled on when two free and consenting adults find that they can’t keep their hands off one another...and I find that I can’t keep my hands off you. In fact I’d quite like to take you again. Right now. But I won’t. I’m a big man, and you’ll be sore down there...’
‘Theo!’
She traced the outline of his shoulder blade with her finger. What happens now? she wanted to ask, but when she thought about that she knew what would happen... They’d have a lavish engagement party, they’d get married and then they’d get divorced. Why did it seem so muddled when it was actually so straightforward?
‘I think we need a little time alone to get this out of our systems...’ Theo broke through her soul-searching silence.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Neither of us signed up for this,’ he told her matter-of-factly. ‘And I’m not just talking about the arranged marriage scenario. That particular bombshell was definitely not on the radar for either of us.’ He lay back and stared up at the ceiling. ‘Neither of us expected that this attraction would jump out at us, did we? But it has, and it’s something we have to deal with.’
‘Yes...’ Alexa parroted faintly, brow furrowed.
Saying that they would deal with it somehow removed the element of emotion—turned an unfortunate situation that had taken them by surprise into one that had a solution. He was right. She knew that. But she couldn’t stifle the sudden hollowness that settled in the pit of her stomach.
Theo had paused. A virgin. She had just discovered that unbridled lust had an unstoppable momentum of its own but he wasn’t a fool. She was an incurable romantic and she had lost her virginity to him. And he was destined to marry her. The last thing he needed was for her to get in too deep with him.
He fancied her, but he was all wrong for her—in the same way that she was all wrong for him. He could never give her what she wanted. He could never give any woman the sort of love that took away the ability to think clearly and behave logically. He just didn’t have it in him.
He didn’t do emotions. He played hard, but he always played with his head. She deserved someone who was willing to give her what she wanted. That man wasn’t him, and unless they established some ground rules a year might prove a very long time indeed. For both of them.
Being married to someone who might end up expecting more than he was prepared to give would be a recipe for disaster.
‘We get this out of our system,’ he said flatly, ‘and I see no reason why we won’t have a harmonious year together.’
‘Get it “out of our system”?’
‘We can’t fight this. We will be in one another’s company all the time...’
‘What if we weren’t?’
‘Then it would run its natural course. Lust fades as fast as it comes. That’s always been my experience.’
‘And you just walk away when that happens?’
‘I’m not looking for deep emotional connections, Alexa,’ he told her gently. ‘For me, a permanent partner will be someone who is prepared to accept that my work will always come first.’ He sighed.
‘A marriage of convenience with someone who is emotionally switched off...?’
‘I wouldn’t necessarily describe it like that...’
‘Would you fancy her, or would that not matter?’
‘We’re veering off topic, here.’
‘I hear your warning.’
Her drowsy contentment was fading fast. She knew what he was telling her, but just in case she missed the message he was making sure he spelt it out in words of one syllable. Don’t confuse lust with love. He could give her lust, but love wasn’t on the table, and he was probably horrified at the possibility that he might be stuck with someone who’d fall for him.
He was telling her that his boredom threshold would be reached quickly, and that once that happened they would settle into playing the game they were destined to play, with no nasty surprises along the way.
Like unnecessary emotion.
She knew exactly what she should tell him. That this had been a one-off. One of those curiosity things... Something that she had succumbed to but which she did not want to repeat.
She
